Esteem Yourself

Finally Flowering

2012-02-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

By: Laura-Lee Smith

As you may sprint towards resolutions like quitting bad habits, living a healthier lifestyle, being a better daughter, sister, friend, or wife, you may realize that you are running so fast that all those resolutions get passed by, so is the journey of life fleeting. Each moment in life quickly turns into a memory. Take a deep breath and slow down. Don't be in such a hurry to get to where you want to be that you forget yourself along the way. Striving for a better you can only lead to great things, however, instead of sprinting, walk with the determination to blossom completely.

We are like flowers. Each flower takes a while to bloom, and so do we. To truly blossom you need to think of life as a marathon and not a race. It takes time to change, to blossom. Flowers need fertile soil, water, sunlight, care, and most importantly time before they bloom. All of these components contribute to the growth of a flower before a beautiful end product is achieved. Laying down the groundwork will set us up for great things later.

Soil
All plants need fertile soil and different plants blossom in different places. So what does that mean for you? A safe, secure environment for you to grow is important. The environment in which growth takes place is unique to each one of us. To begin blossoming and becoming a better version of yourself you need to weed as much toxicity out of your life as possible. You can't get better or feel better within toxic relationships holding you down, or friends who want to keep you from achieving a healthier lifestyle because they don't want to be left behind. It may seem harsh, but you will never find yourself where you want to be if you let others prevent you from growing. Fertile soil also includes surrounding yourself with people who will support your growth and consuming food that will produce a healthier you.

Water
Water not only provides numerous health benefits but it is also renewing from the inside out. Consider water as the spiritual and intellectual components. Healthy spiritual mantras and a relationship with God that inspires striving towards a beautiful life, and knowledge helps us grow. In order to blossom, you not only need to nourish yourself, but you need to "wash away" the past and start fresh. Wash away the negative thoughts, the self-deprecating inner-dialogue and start clean and fresh every new day.

Sunlight
We think of plants as immobile objects, but they are moving upwards towards the sunlight. Even a flower in full bloom turns to find the light. You need to be the same way. Get outside and get moving! It's difficult to do, especially during the winter months and particularly if you aren't used to it. Even small steps like bundling up and taking a walk around your neighborhood is helpful in your goals towards blossoming. You'll be surprised how great you feel once you get into it and when you feel good only more good things can follow.

Time
This is the most important component to remember. Flowers take awhile to blossom and there are no shortcuts. Keeping this in mind, you must learn how to be patient in all things, especially the best things.

Care
This is a combination of all the components. Sometimes you may be hard on yourself and it's difficult to break the cycle of negativity. However, negativity breeds more negativity. Give yourself a break! Cherish and love yourself. Give yourself the care one would give to an orchid. These components are hard to cultivate, but in the end it is so worth it. You are worth it. And besides, have you ever seen anyone miserable around a flower?

First published February 2012 © Copyright

Editor-In-Chief 2012 New Year Message: Your Beauty Radiates From Within

2012-01-01T19:00:00.000-08:00

As we begin a new year, we reflect on our lives of yesterday, today and what we want to achieve in the future. Through your eyes you can see a reflection of who you are. I hope that when you reflect on yourself, your life, your world and your being, you see a woman who is full of faith, compassion, strength, courage, love, service, joy, zeal, and life. I hope you see a woman who is full of esteem. For all of these attributes are yours to claim as your beauty, and if you begin to claim your beauty you will see it encircle your world. It will allow your soul to shine through and make you the more lovely with each passing day.

As you claim your beauty, you will come to realize that God has bestowed upon you an eternal gift that is irreplaceable and greater than any gift on earth. Your beauty is a light that shines deep. It was bestowed upon you before your birth, placed within your soul. As a divine woman with such an amazing gift, you are in charge of how you cultivate and nourish your beauty and allow it to shine so that the world may see. You have the power to be as beautiful as you want to be and that power is one that you exercise every day through your thoughts, words, and deeds. Your beauty will be your underlining strength, your sustaining courage, and your blooming esteem.

As you continue to accomplish your daily tasks, work towards your goals and dreams, and successfully walk through the trials in your life. You will see that the beauty you have within will bring you joy beyond your imagination. It will light your world and constantly reward and bless you. Your beauty will allow you to fulfill your desire to live in esteem and confidence. It will stimulate your desire to grow, serve, succeed, and more importantly, your desire to love and be loved.

From this day onward, begin to recognize your divine beauty. Be who you are meant to be and not who you think you are. You are a divine being, and only when you embrace your true role will you be able to reach your full potential, and claim all the beauty and blessings that God has in store for you. Be divine, cherish yourself and all that you have to offer. Be willing to grow, learn, and build yourself and others in love. Your beauty should never be questioned, never be dismissed, never be misplaced or unvalued. You must defend yourself, defend what's righteous and pure. Defend your dreams, wishes, vision, happiness, uniqueness, and beauty. As you claim your beauty, you will sustain yourself.

Your beauty radiates within and wherever you go no matter what you do. Allow your beauty to refurbish your world by seeking not after what makes you beautiful to the world but to God. When you seek beauty, look towards God not towards fancy clothes, makeup or material objects, for your beauty is already present. Delight in it and it will shine from within and radiate outwards touching those around you.

Prayer:
God let my inward beauty radiate outwards.
God make me beautiful and let my gratefulness brighten my world.
God make me beautiful continuously and let my joy touch the souls of others.
God let my inward beautiful, blossom my thoughts, my deeds, and world always.

May your year be filled with Blessings, Happiness, Love and Esteem.

Chizoma Cluff
Editor-In-Chief
Esteem Yourself E-magazine

First published January 2012 © Copyright

Find Your Wonder Woman Within (The Yes Mom Way)

2011-12-01T07:00:00.000-08:00

By: Deanne Brown

You don't need a lasso of truth, indestructible bracelets, or an invisible airplane to be Wonder Woman. All you need is to learn to say 'yes' to yourself. Saying "yes" to yourself not only gives you the means to feel fully alive, your world will open up to amazing possibilities. As you say "yes" you may find yourself at the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro, directing a play, raising money for a cancer cure or sitting at a desk writing that novel you always wanted to write. No matter what adventure you embrace, you will become an inspiration, a woman that others admire and want to emulate. You will become a hero!

The great thing is you already have what it takes to be a hero. We all do! You may not be a six foot tall Amazonian woman with enough muscle power to beat up Ares, Wonder Woman's arch-nemesis, but you definitely have the wherewithal to embody what Wonder Woman represents, female empowerment. So when you begin to lose focus by letting negativity and fear blind you from your potential, follow these seven principals to help you say "yes" to yourself and find your Wonder Woman within.

Principle 1: Love Yourself and Others Unconditionally
Love with no conditions and no boundaries. Love just because. As Paulo Coelho, Brazilian author explains, "One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving". When you love yourself unconditionally, it gives you the ability to love others. To love in this manner is the most precious gift you can give to yourself and to the world.

Principle 2: Don't Be Driven By Fear
Do not be a road block to your full potential because of fear. It is amazing how many people automatically say "no" to the world and choose comfort and security over taking risks or trying something new. Like Albert Einstein said, "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." Yes, life can be scary, but a life driven by fear is no life. It takes a bold person to let go of fear and say "yes" to the world, but the risk is well worth it.

Principle 3: Let Go of Expectations
It is imperative that you let go of expectations. By letting go of expectations, you let go of control. Placing controls on one's self limits your true potential. So, ditch those controlling words like "I should", "I ought to" and "I must". Instead, embrace "I can" and "I will". Living life based on "should" is a heavy burden. You either become ridden with a feeling of failure or guilt because you did not live up to your expectation or create a false-self attempting to live up to your expectation. Either way, it is a no-win situation. Living life based on "I can" is a win-win situation!

Principle 4: Believe in Yourself
You are awesome. Throw away doubt and believe in yourself. Doubt will only hold you back and keep you from the life you are meant to live. As Eleanor Roosevelt so brilliantly said, "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." Trust and believe that you are worthy and valuable. Give yourself permission to live, play, explore, dream, imagine, follow your passions and of course, make mistakes. In order to achieve you must believe.

Principle 5: Live by Principles not Rules
Live by principles, not rules. Many rules are biased, arbitrary and not necessary if you live by principals instead. Principles are basic fundamental beliefs, values and truths. When you live by these truths, good and desirable actions will follow. Like Abraham Lincoln so beautifully expressed, "I never had a policy; I have just tried to do my very best each and every day." These are words to live by.

Principle 6: Roll with the Punches
As Mastin from The Daily Love says, "If you fall down 1000 times, get up 1001 times." Life is full of setbacks but do not dwell, crumble or feel like a victim. It is better to roll with the punches and take a few hits rather than to duck out of the way. You will be stronger and wiser from the experience. This is called resilience. We actually gain resilience over the years by taking punches and dealing with life's problems. So the old adage is true, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger".

Principle 7: Do What You Love
Do what you love. When work becomes pleasure, it is not work at all. As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, "Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life." It brings joy and a deep sense of purpose and meaning to one's life. So, if you want to be a drummer in a rock band, travel the world on a bicycle, join the circus, perform open heart surgery or write that New York Times Best Seller, GO FOR IT!It is your choice. Don't find yourself behind a desk when you were meant to be behind a drum kit.

As you embrace these seven principles and learn to say "yes" to yourself, you will be amazed at what happens. When you love unconditionally, you will have the ability to love others. When you love others, you live fully. When you are living fully, you will not be afraid to try new things. If something doesn't work, you will try again. When you let go of "I should" and "I ought to", you embrace "I can" and "I will". You will be able to make your own decisions even if it goes against the crowd. You will follow your dreams and become who you are meant to be, not what someone else wants you to be. Your good example will inspire others and in turn give them permission to go after their own dreams. When you live by these 7 principles, you empower yourself to find the Wonder Woman within you!

First published November 2011 © Copyright

Embracing Gratitude

2011-11-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

By: Jeanine DeHoney

Many have had to hang on to peace in the midst of chaos and God granted it to them.

Many have had to embrace change when they wanted to stay in familiar terrain and God granted them courage to move to another realm.

Many have ached because of loss, heartbreak, or a dream that seemed to be unattainable, and God granted them wisdom, a forgiving heart, and a new vision or goal and put people in place to help it come to fruition.

And because of feeling God's presence, comfort and peace, they have learned, with arms wide open to embrace an attitude of gratitude. But having an innate aura of gratitude in your spirit can be difficult when you are disheartened. During those low tides in your life, gratitude is usually the last thing on your mind. Instead of being thankful for what you have in life, what is sustaining you emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially, you wallow in depressing and counterproductive thoughts of what is wrong or lacking in your life.

It is then though, that we need to sing a praise song. It is then we need to shout to adversary that you refuse to let it steal your joy. Thank God for something small and watch his miracle wonder working power cause a chain reaction of thankfulness in you. So, if you are finding that you are courting negativity and angst instead of gratitude, here are some suggestions that will hopefully change your way of thinking and help you live your life more abundantly.

Pray.
Begin and end your day with thanks. Give thanks to all the ways God has manifested small and big miracles, favor, and care throughout the day and evening. Pray throughout the day. Make it a habit.

Start from the basics.
Start from the basics, if you are hard-pressed to find things to be grateful for. You can start with, "I'm thankful for eyes that see and ears that hear…" It may sound juvenile but begin there. Be grateful for every part of your temple from your head to your toes. Be grateful for a boyfriend or husband that treats you like a queen, or a parent that still spoils you even though you're grown, or a sister-friend you can call at two in the morning just because you have something on your mind and she won't hang up on you.

Create a treasure chest.
Get a beautiful keepsake box and fill it with objects that evoke wonderful memories. Things like pictures, greeting cards, a knick-knack from a favorite family member, something from your childhood, etc. During troubling times open up your treasure chest so that you can have literal reminders of all of your blessings and relive cherished memories.

Take a walk in someone else's shoes.
Imagine what it would feel like to walk in someone else's shoes for a day who was less fortunate than you are. Imagine being homeless, being unemployed, a struggling single mother, and abused wife or girlfriend. Be grateful that you have not had to carry many of the burdens other people have. Then go out and serve! Serve at a local women shelter or find other ways to make a difference in someone whose shoes by the grace of God you have not had to walk in.

Encircle yourself with splendor.
There is splendor all around us that is inspiring and instrumental in cultivating a spirit of gratitude. Grab a friend, throw on your sneakers and take a walk through the park to sojourn with nature. Go to an art museum or an art show of an up and coming artist or designer. Buy tickets to a concert and go see your favorite artist or buy a new CD. Try going to a much talked about restaurant and pay attention to everything from the ambiance to the way your food is plated. Savor each bite and give thanks that someone prepared your food with love and the end result of seeing your palate satisfied.

Create a ripple effect.
Gratitude begets more gratitude; it has a ripple effect and reverberates not only in your soul but the soul of others.

Today choose to release your reservoir of discontent by embracing gratitude. Know that through prayer no vision is ever unreachable or problem ever insurmountable. Just open up your beautiful "eyes to see," and you will be a witness to all of your blessings.

First published November 2011 © Copyright

When Life Throws A Snowball At You, Throw It Back Harder!

2011-10-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

By: Deanne Brown

Life can be crazy and unpredictable at times. It can throw snowballs at you in the middle of the summer. It can knock the wind out of you, when you least expect it. It can leave you breathless and stunned. For some women that snowball is breast cancer. Over 200,000 smart beautiful women are diagnosed with invasive breast cancer in the United States every year. 40,000 of these women will die from this dreaded disease.

Chances are you already know someone who has breast cancer; your mother, a sister, an aunt, a girlfriend or a friend of a girlfriend. No one is exempt. That includes you. This is not intended to scare you. This is just a friendly reminder of how fragile and precious life is. So consider this a wake-up call, a reality check, or a word to the wise.

Breast cancer has become quite notorious. Unfortunately, the incidents of breast cancer have been increasing year by year. Fortunately, the death rate is showing some signs of decline, probably due to early detection and better treatment. So, empower yourself and get those gorgeous tata's to the doctor for your yearly mammograms. And, don't forget your self-exams! They can be life saving.

Although we still don't know everything about cancer and why it grows in the first place, there is mounting evidence that cancer cells multiply when the immune system, your body's natural defense is on the fritz. But, the really amazing thing about our bodies is that you have the power to boost your immune system and reduce your risk of breast cancer, by implementing these ten tips:

Take your mom's advice and eat your veggies.
It is pretty clear, we are what we eat. But, just as important, we are what we don't eat. According to Joe Cross in his film, "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead," Americans are not eating their vegetables. In fact, for many, veggies only make up 5% of their overall diet. This is a crime. Our bodies cannot live on carbs alone which makes up the majority of the American diet. You need some green stuff. Veggies are packed with phytonutrients. According to the voice of sustainable wellness, Frank Lipman, "phytonutrients help our cells communicate better with each other, some help prevent mutations at a cellular level, some are anti-inflammatory, others are potent antioxidants and many have functions we are only beginning to understand. What we do know is they help prevent cancer, heart disease and most chronic diseases in general, are anti-aging, boost the immune system and generally promote health." An important tip: cooking kills enzymes and certain vitamins found in veggies, so make sure that you include raw veggies in your diet every day. A salad a day keeps the doctor away.

Ditch the sugar.
Sugar is to cancer as oxygen is to fire. In other words, cancer loves sugar like Bugs Bunny loves carrots. Americans eat on a per capita basis 156 pounds of sugar per year. This is equivalent to 31 five-pound bags. That's a whole lot of sugar. Honestly, you are sweet enough without it.

Limit your alcohol.
According to the Harvard Nurses' Health study, drinking more than one alcoholic cocktail per day can increase breast cancer risk by 20 to 25 percent. Imbibing in an alcoholic drink can certainly relax you after a long day or help you to break loose a bit at a social gathering but like sugar, cancer loves it as much as you do. There are other ways to relax and have fun. You may need to get a bit creative but the results are worth it.

Reduce your caffeine intake.
The jury is still out on this but some studies indicate that caffeine plays a role in breast cancer. One thing known for sure is that caffeine increases levels of cortisol and stress hormones in your body. Maybe you can consider herbal teas instead. Slurp!

Shake your booty.
Get active, go for a walk, ride a bike, go dancing, join a gym or swim in the deep blue sea. Whatever your choice of activity, get off that couch, log out of Facebook and dance your heart out for thirty minutes a day.

Take your vitamins.
Many of our foods today are depleted of their natural nutrients due to poor soil conditions, toxicity, pesticides, early picking, and many other modern agricultural practices. To make up for this, it is a good idea to take supplements. For example, most Americans do not get enough Vitamin D in their diet and low amounts of vitamin D are linked to some of the most aggressive breast cancers. A glass of milk, fortified orange juice or a day in the sun will not give you the needed amounts. This is one of the few times when popping a pill is good for you.

If you can't pronounce it, don't eat it.
Stay away from processed foods, chemicals, food dyes, and foods treated with pesticides. Limit your exposure to non-organic foods and residual hormones found in dairy and meat. In fact, limit dairy and meat altogether and get your proteins from nuts, seeds, whole grains, legumes and wild caught fish. An added bonus, your gut will love you.

Maintain a healthy body weight.
Estrogen is stored in fat tissue. This stored estrogen is known to increase your risk of estrogen-sensitive breast cancers. Maintaining a healthy weight also helps you to feel good, look good, squeeze into your favorite jeans and run fast to avoid those snowballs.

Get your zzzzzzzzzz's.
Your body does most of its healing while you are sleeping. Treat yourself like a princess. Slip into some comfy pj's, fluff your pillow, splurge on some silky sheets and drift off into wonderland for at least 8 hours every night.

Don't worry, be happy.
There is an incredible mind body connection that we are just beginning to understand. Our thoughts and feelings can positively or negatively influence our bodies. As Lawrence LeShan, Ph.D. and father of mind-body therapy states, "Feelings affect body chemistry, just as body chemistry affects feelings." You know what it feels like to be stressed out about work, devastated over a break up with that hot guy, or anxious about a test you have to take. Your muscles tighten up, your stomach churns, your head pounds, or a pain in your chest makes you wonder if this is the big one. This is stress and it can wear down your immune system, making you vulnerable to all kinds of diseases. So, throw away those negative thoughts, fill your glass to half full and practice your affirmations, "I am an amazing, beautiful, happy, healthy woman. I am an amazing, beautiful, happy, healthy woman. I am an amazing, beautiful, happy, healthy woman". Got it? Good!

We women are interesting creatures. Many of us know that we should be taking better care of ourselves but it usually takes a snowball hitting us at 80 mph before we take real action. We smoke when we know it causes cancer. We sit on the couch and promise to exercise tomorrow as our muscles shrink and our bones thin. We eat an exorbitant amount of empty carbs, sugars and bad fats as our waist grows and our energy is depleted. We drink too much alcohol even after many studies connect alcohol consumption to breast cancer. We think French fries are a vegetable and Red Bull "gives you wings." But it is never too late to change.

Remember, knowledge is power. Empower yourself by learning as much as you can about your health, good nutrition, and breast cancer, then take the appropriate action. Eat your veggies, ditch the sugar, take your vitamins, get your zzzzz's, shake your booty and throw away those negative thoughts. Knowledge coupled with action is some powerful stuff. You are worth it girl!

By the way, if you are one of the many gorgeous women out there that has been diagnosed with breast cancer, it is not the end of the world. These ten tips still apply especially to help avoid recurrence. Many women like Melissa Etheridge, Sheryl Crow, Suzanne Sommers, Christina Applegate, Carly Simon, Sandra Day O'Conner, Betty Ford, and Peggy Flemming have beaten this disease and so can you. So when life throws a snowball at you, throw it back…harder!

Deanne Brown is one of the 2.5 million breast cancer survivors in the United States today. Find out more about Deanne by clicking here and follow her journey.

First published October 2011 © Copyright

Step Into Your Best Life

2011-09-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

By: Paula M. Ezop

What is your best life? Is it determined by age or appearances? Is it made up of things that you own? Is it status? Is it your job title? Is your best life doing what makes you happy? Is it reaching your goals? Is it pursuing your dreams? Or is your best life made up of the things that you can't see, that you can't buy? Is your best life made up of relationships, emotional happiness, love, kindness, and spiritual well being? Or is it a combination of all of these things?

Most of us would agree that our best life is a combination of all of those things, some perhaps more important than others. The wonderful thing is that we are all so very different, what is one person's best life might make someone else very unhappy. Although we are all connected we are also individuals. Yes, individuals with different preferences and priorities, individuals that may enjoy entirely different things. We enjoy living in different places, and we have passions that reflect our spirits, our hearts and our souls. It is simply amazing.

What is even more amazing is that we can create our best life by believing that we can create it starting today. In many ways, we are the masters of our destiny. We can choose to remain positive. We can choose to see the glass half full instead of half empty. We can set our sights high and we can live in the moment, not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Living as your best self today and enjoying the present. Your best life is filled with joy and happiness from within your soul, with gratitude and hope to live in each moment.

Life has a way of changing just like the rhythm and melody of a song. We go through the different stages of life - as we learn and grow. That brings to mind the lyrics to that wonderful Frank Sinatra song. "But now the days grow short. I'm in the autumn of the year. And now I think of my life like fine old wine, from fine old kegs, from the brim to the dregs, and it poured sweet and clear. It was a very good year…" enjoying the best life into the autumn of our days. Even with all the changes in life, you can still live your best life.

There is a rhythm, a beat, a constantly changing melody to our lives as we continually strive to live our, "best life." We are the composers, we determine the rhythm, we set the pace, and we create the melody and lyrics. We determine the qualities that we desire for our "best life." This inner song that speaks to our souls is what makes our hearts sing! Follow that inner song, the inner joy and happiness. Listen to its beautiful melody, and step into your "best life" this very moment!

First published September 2011 © Copyright

Finding Yourself When You're Lost

2011-08-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

By: Ansa Edim

Relationships and responsibilities can be a heavy load to bear. Work, friends, family, significant others, children, personal time, exercising; there aren't enough hours in the day! When you've gone too long taking care of business without taking care of yourself, it is obvious: you're depressed for little reason, lonely around company, and dissatisfied with who you are. How do you get back to the core of your being without letting anyone (including yourself) down? Answer the following questions:

Who am I?
It's a loaded question. Who are you after you've stripped away your job, your family, your friends, and loved ones? What do you like to do when no one is around? What motivates you? What is your passion? In all the business of life, you could easily have forgotten how much you like to sew or write, or how great it feels to wake up and go for a run. Truly evaluate who you are versus who you want to be. Is there a difference? Do you feel like you're letting yourself down? Remember: it is never too late to be the person you were meant to be.

What do I love about myself?
What you love about yourself should be affirmed as often as possible. When you feel lost in the madness of daily life, you must remember who is most important in your life: you. In order to truly express love outwardly, we must be able to express it to ourselves. Do you love that you are able to accomplish so many things at once? That you are sociable? Always remind yourself that if you are loved by no one, you should always be able to count on yourself. In the darkest times of confusion, you are never alone; you are always loved. When you feel confident in yourself, there is nothing holding you back from achieving your goals.

What makes me feel powerful and strong?
As a woman, it is important to feel strong, even powerful. Whether it is physical strength, emotional fortitude, or executive prowess, think about what makes you feel strong and do it! Can you do 15 pushups? Do you manage a group of people or your home? What gives you strength to feel like you are making a difference in the lives of others as well as your own? Sometimes, we feel weak and depressed because of that weakness. Reaffirm your status as a strong woman on a daily basis. First thing in the morning, say to yourself, "I am strong" and then maintain that mantra throughout the day.

What is important to me?
Although the answer might seem obvious (your family or your career), this question needs some time answering. Take a minute to write it down. Why do you do what you do on a daily basis? Perhaps, it's worth it to work 16 hour days if your career is important to you and you're on a path, or maybe it's worth it to take a year off to start a family. Make sure that you have justified your actions by what is important in your life before anyone else can. Keep it within yourself that there is a reason why you do anything and that reason is because you want to.

How is my life prioritized?
What is important is not always how we prioritize our lives. If our priorities are out of sync with what is truly important, we lose ourselves in the chaos. Sit down with your priorities and think: Is my first priority actually what is most important to me? When your life is prioritized by what is actually important to you, you will be amazed at how your outlook changes. You feel connected to your actions, and no longer tethered to your worries or stress. If you are doing what is truly important to you, you will not be bogged down by it. In essence, you need to love what you do!

How can I find myself when I feel lost?
Look inside you. When you feel disconnected and just going through the motions, think back to who you are, who you want to be, and what is important to you. Reevaluate your priorities,values and goals. Once you do that, all you have to do is face the right direction, put one foot in front of the other, and walk.

First published August 2011 © Copyright

Desperate Times

2011-07-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

By: Diana

Desperate times call for desperate measures. When we are at the end of our answers, finances, friends, hope, belief, joy and peace, we will feel as if we are in desperate times. So what do we do with the major situation that is at hand? Some of us may go for a walk in the woods or down our street, take a car ride and see some beautiful sites. While others may prefer to drink, smoke, or settle our thoughts in the office of the psychologist/psychiatrist. Other ways we may deal is to take the medicine to settle our nerves and our worries, complain, yell, or blame the person next to us or within the situation.
What is the answer in our life's trials and tribulations? What is the response we should have when our dreams have burst open and soured? What should we do when we cannot even agree with our mate, friends or co-workers on the solution? How could this have all happened, and why has all this happened?
Some answers shared within these times for all who go through them is to believe you will get through this time. Settle your mind on that this will not last forever. Allow yourself to cry, to mourn, to grieve, and to ask the questions; realizing that you may not heal immediately. Instead of dwelling on the situation, find a joyful thing to do. Don't deal with it alone, call a friend that has your best interest at heart or better yet talk about something totally different than the situation. Don't give up and don't give in, for you are going to be able to conquer this desperate time. You will find that the smoke cloud will settle and give way to the clear blue sky. Somehow and someway you will be able to laugh and find joy. Continue to believe that you can make it.
Denying or ignoring the situation is not the best thing to do, however, avoid staying focused on the problem, instead focus on the solution. As you grieve, cry, mourn and search for the answers in our life, revelation will come, understanding will be at the door of your heart, and peace will encompass you and allow you to feel joy from within again. You will not remain numb, distant, oppressed and downtrodden. Even if you have had your moment of these times, they will not stay. Just like the dark cloud becomes a clear blue sky, so will you rise up from your desperate situation. Your heart will be healed and restored; your belief system will once again take a front seat in your life. You will soar while in the midst of the desperate time, not even realizing you have made it till you stop for a moment and see that you are functioning, moving and living life through these times.
Within all of the feelings, frustration, hurt, remorse, sadness, shock and anger, it is within the arms of the Lord that you can find refuge. Knowing that the Lord will help you and give you the grace to continue in his love and care as you rest in him. Storms are settled in his arms, as you settle yourself in his arms. You can even go on with a peace as the situation is raging around you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. Decision and position is the answer. You must not give up or give in; you must grow through what you go through. You must also grow through these times to newer heights of love and compassion for others, in turn, learning how to help others through their difficult desperate times.
In your desperate time, may you rest in the tender arms of the Lord, assured that he will get you through whatever obstacle you may encounter. Remember that your storm is no surprise to God. He already has the solution, ready for you.

First published July 2011 © Copyright

Choose Your Theme Song

2011-06-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

By: Jeanine DeHoney

Most of us have had a favorite song that has been like an anthem in our life at some point. It is a song that we played to nudge us out the door when we don't feel like facing the world. Sometimes it's a song strung with memories, be they celebratory, bittersweet or a mixture of both. These are the songs we blast in the car when we are alone, play incessantly on our I-pods or sing in the shower at the top of our lungs as our tears intermingle with the pulsing water. These are the songs we hum in stolen moments or dance solo to. These are the songs that help us get over loss, empower us to face any challenges, and plants seeds of joy in our heart.
Do you have a theme song? Do you have a choice song that you play in the morning to inspire or motivate you? If not, let today be the day you choose one so that you can have a rhythmic incentive to move you toward your glorious destiny.
So how does one choose a theme song for their life? Try reflecting on who you are as a woman first, and what impacts your hopes, dreams, passions, goals and relationships. Choose a song(s) that has lyrics you can wrap around your spirit as if they are your Grandmother's patchwork quilt. Lyrics that can build your esteem and make you feel loved and accepted for who you are. One song that helps us accept our unique beauty is by India Arie, "I Am Not My Hair." It is one song among others that we should pay heed to its words. "I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am not your ex-pec-tations, no no, I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am a soul that lives within."
Theme songs are supposed to push you. They can also be the catalyst that helps mold you. Don't let an amazing beat or a popular artist you love determine the theme song for your life. If the lyrics are degrading or makes a mockery of your body parts, then that isn't the theme song for you. You should already be on a daily mission of anchoring your self-confidence and viewing yourself as a valuable and enterprising individual, so choose your theme song accordingly. Mary J. Blige's song "Just Fine," is a good song to begin with. Another inspiring song is by Jewel entitled, "Stronger Women". Her lyrics are a great mantra. Some of the lyrics to the song: "I'm gonna love myself. More than anyone else. Believe in me. Even if someone can't see. The stronger woman in me..."
It's also okay to take poetic license with the lyrics of your theme song. Change a few of the words to individualize the song just for you. Insert your name in the song. Make your theme song your own. Also explore other types of music to find an appropriate theme song. Look to genres such as Gospel, Pop, or Christian Jazz for songs that will inspire you and help you step around those boulders in your life. Songs by gospel artists Mary Mary, Yolanda Adams and Donnie McClurkin will always calm a worried spirit.
If at all possible, spend time listening to your theme song several times a day. Sometimes we need to hear a message more than once to adopt it in our lives and change our attitude enough to live it. Write down a few of the lyrics from your theme song and place it on your bedroom mirror, your computer desk, on your Blackberry, etc. so that you can always have an inspiring quick pick me up anytime you need it.
Also, listen to your heart to know when you've outgrown a theme song. Maybe you've gotten over a broken relationship and you no longer need to hear songs that deal with a message about moving on. The good thing is that you're growing. You've learned a lesson, as painful as it might have been, but more importantly you realized you had the tenacity not to let it break you. With each lesson learned, comes a new theme song with a different prospective.
Songs can definitely be the key of your life. They can help you groove into the truth of who you are as a woman, as they encircle you. Today, choose to let the music play! Turn up the volume to your theme song!

First published June 2011 Copyright ©

Memory Maker

2011-05-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

From: Following the Spiritual Soul series
By: Paula M. Ezop

Each day of our lives on earth we are creating memories - memories for ourselves and for those whose lives we touch. We take part in creating memories for the members of our close family circle, for our friends and coworkers, and even for the strangers whose lives we touch in the most casual of ways. We are memory makers. Have you ever thought of yourself as a memory maker? Take a moment and reflect on that question. It gives you a different perspective on how you interact with people doesn't it? It makes you aware of the affect you have on others, and how you can make a difference in their lives.
In one brief moment you can brighten another's life just by a kind word, a smile, a helping hand, or a word of encouragement.
Your actions are creating a memory… a memory that will be carried with that small child, with your elderly grandparent, with your husband or wife, with your boyfriend or girlfriend, with your sister or brother, with your friend, with your teacher, with your boss, with your co-worker, or with the stranger you frowned at on the way to the bus stop. Your actions are creating a memory.
When you look at it this way it changes your attitude. It makes you want to create pleasant memories not only for yourself but for those whose lives you touch. You are a memory maker, what an awesome responsibility!
Memories come in all shapes and sizes. We have sparkly, wonderful, memories that bring a smile to our faces and give us a warm feeling in our heart. These special sparkly memories are gifts of the heart that give us strength when we need it. We hold these wonderful gifts in our heart throughout our life time - never forgetting, and always remembering. When we think of them they remain crystal clear; as if they happened yesterday. They give us that warm feeling in our hearts because it is through these memories that we are making a heart-felt spiritual connection that is everlasting.
These sparkly memories might be about a person we loved deeply, they might be about a special time in our lives when we were so very happy, they could be memories of a cherished moment between friends, or the day we fulfilled a life-long dream. They might even be something as simple as a sunlit walk along the beach with the love of our life. These memories are gifts of the heart; to be held close and never to be forgotten.
All memories are not happy as we well know. These memories are of life's challenges and adversities. We don't take part in creating the sad memories. These sad times enter everyone's life and we learn from them.
The sad memories may be of loss, humiliation, disappointment, or failure. These memories will also stay with us throughout our lives. As painful as these memories are they serve a purpose in our lives. They remind us of soulful lessons learned, and of how we were able to overcome adversity. Sad memories play a part in our spiritual development.
The special sparkly memories will over shadow the darkest of memories, and we should focus on those gifts of the heart because they will always put a smile on our face and bring joy in our hearts.
Our jobs as memory makers are to create the sparkly, happy memories of the heart whenever and wherever we can. All it takes is a willing heart, a gentle hug, a warm smile, or a helping hand to create a lasting heartfelt memory in the lives of those whose path you cross.
Remember you are a memory maker - what a totally awesome job that is!

First published May 2011 Copyright ©

Self-Awareness: Enlightened

2011-04-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

By: Laura-Lee Smith

"Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment." -Chinese Taoist Philosopher Tao Tzu

Self-awareness may become harder to embrace, as you are bombarded from every direction about what your family thinks your life should be, what the media thinks you should look like, and what they think you should find important. Here is where Tzu's quote comes in. There is wisdom in accepting the fact that you don't need to please everyone, that you can't, and maybe you shouldn't. Believing a fashion magazines subliminal messages that you should be a size 2 and should drop a chunk of your paycheck on a product that will make your skin look as flawless as the pictured model's is as dangerous as believing every word you hear on your news channel of choice. That's the wisdom, now be prepared to be enlightened.
It's a heavy word - Enlightenment and many of us believe enlightenment means having that light bulb moment where everything suddenly falls into place. Here's the thing, there is no one light-bulb moment in regards to our own self-awareness. Our lives are made up of many. We are constantly discovering new things about ourselves, maybe even coming to terms with and learning to love parts of our personality we may have had issues with. We are all separate entities, individuals and we were not all meant to look like Halle Berry or be Carrie Bradshaws with a full social calendar….and that's okay.
It is also okay to make these discoveries at your own pace, given that you have voiced to yourself the things about yourself that you fear. That's right, while it is important and healthy to remember everyday what makes your life so great, it is also important to acknowledge those dark parts of yourself that you are afraid to look at. We can find an abundance of outside sources that attribute to our own unhappiness, but we underestimate the barrier we ourselves pose between ourselves and happiness.
When things go wrong in our lives or the things we desire don't happen we are quick to blame stress of work, family, partners, but how much do we hold ourselves accountable for the way our lives are turning out? We oftentimes do not see the self sabotage until we are already standing within the wreckage. To win a battle you must know your enemy and the best weaponry you can amass against yourself is yourself.
Those dark parts are there-the fear of failure, the fear of disappointing others or yourself, the fear that you simply aren't good enough. Our tendancies to procrastinate have a root cause and they have a way of finding you and affecting the way you live your life. The subconscious is powerful. Self-awareness is simply a matter of making your CONSCIOUS mind MORE powerful. There is power in voicing those things you fear because in voicing them you have taken the first step to conquer them.
The steps towards furthering your own self awareness can be as simple as putting pen to paper and letting your thoughts fall to the page without the fear of someone else's judgment. As simple as being by yourself and taking deep breaths, forming a relationship with your body and learning to understand and listen to it. Ask yourself questions you'd pose to someone you are just getting to know and answer yourself-honestly. Remember, there is no one to impress! Change up your routine and do something you wouldn't normally do! The road to self-awareness is about forming a real relationship with yourself and like any good relationship you will continue to grow and learn new things about yourself with each new experience.
In the end Enlightenment is really about knowledge and awareness. It's not an end result, because everyday life is about learning and becoming better. When it comes to making your dreams come true and becoming the person you want to be, it helps to know-and love-what you're working with.

First published April 2011

Living in Positive Power

2011-03-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

From: Following the Spiritual Soul series
By: Paula M. Ezop

There is an amazing power that is within each and every one of us. It is an unseen energy that allows us to connect to the source of all that is, and all that ever will be. It knows no limitations. It allows you to manifest your heart's desire, no matter how great or small the desire is. That power, that unseen energy is your spirit - the divine essence of your being.

We were all created to live a wonderful life. A life filled with all the good things: great relationships, health, wealth, anything good that you can imagine. You are probably saying, "That's all well and good. But, I'm struggling. What about the poverty in our country? I work hard but I can't seem to make ends meet!" Yes, all of those things do exist in our society. Yes, times are tough. But, the good news is that you can change your situation. You can create abundance in all areas of your life because you have the power to do so! How exciting is that?!

Your spirit is powerful, but it is only as powerful as you let it be. If you are constantly sending out negative thoughts your spirit will connect with the universal source, and in return you will receive the negative things you have been thinking about. Begin by changing your way of thinking. Change your thoughts from negative to positive. Send out positive energy and you will receive positive energy in return. Instead of thinking of lack - think of abundance. Instead of thinking of a bad relationship - begin thinking of finding your soul mate. Instead of thinking of failure - think only of success!

Picture it, feel it, create what you want in your mind, and the miracle will occur!

You see, the universe has an unlimited supply of everything and God is the source of all things good and positive. That means that we can all have what we want. But, we have to make that happen, because you attract what you are thinking about. If you continually send out negative thoughts about your relationships, about your finances, about your job that is exactly what you will receive. But, if you begin sending out positive thoughts, you will receive all of the things you desire - success, happiness, wealth, and abundance in all areas of your life! It sounds too easy to be true, but it is true!

Try being more positive and you will see your life begin to change. You will start taking steps to make everything you desire become a reality. For example, if you are unhappy with your job begin thinking about the type of job you would like. Be specific. Picture what you would be doing, picture where you would be working, and picture what your boss will be like. Maybe you want to be your own boss. Keep thinking about the perfect job, and watch how the universe will deliver. Notice along the way how your attitude changes. Because now you have hope, you can see your future changing. All of this because you began thinking positive thoughts! You began sending out positive energy to the universal source.

What is amazing is how all of our spirits are connected. There is serendipity to everything. Your spiritual energy connects with the source of all that is and all that ever will be. You are reading this article at just the right time in your life. Was it by accident? Or, did the universe deliver just what you needed? Begin to use that spiritual power to change your life in ways that you only dreamed of before!

First published March 2011

Spreading Positivity

2011-02-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

By: Ansa Edim

As with each New Year, changes are promised and efforts are made to keep those promises. One thing that may not be thought of as a resolution, is to stop gossiping or talking negatively about others. Spreading negativity about someone else only hurts the person you speak about, as well as yourself. It may also prevent you from dealing with issues within. This year, in an effort to look positively both inward and outward, make resolutions to:

Evaluate how much time you spend putting others down and why.
Think of what you gain from talking badly about others. If you're looking for a catharsis, find it in other ways: exercise, read, or do something that takes your mind off of the issue that's causing you to put someone else down. Talking badly about someone else doesn't help you with your issues, it only exacerbates them. To eliminate your personal issues, focus on yourself internally, not outwardly. Why does putting someone else down make you feel good? If this is the case for you, you should realize that you're better and stronger than that. You don't need others to feel bad for you to feel good. If you do, reevaluate your self-esteem and make sure that you feel confident in yourself without the approval or disapproval of others to drive you. You also need to put others down to build yourself. It doesn't last to try to belittle others to build yourself; you only end up damaging your mindset, and at times friendships.

Speak positively about others.
Going by the saying, "If you have nothing nice to say, do say anything at all", is a good first step, but taking it a bit further is great, too. Try to find something nice to say about everyone, even if it's just to yourself in your head. If you genuinely have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all, but try to dive deeper into the meaning behind your lack of positive comments. Are you jealous of that person? For example, imagine someone walking by on the street and you want to comment negatively on their dress. Before you do, ask yourself why it matters to you what someone else whom you don't know is wearing. There is absolutely no need to comment negatively on how someone else looks. If you have to comment at all, comment on the clothing, not the wearer. Turn your feelings into positive compliments: "That's a nice dress", rather than "That dress is too tight for her and looks horrible on her" is a better exchange for how you feel and puts a more positive spin on your internal dialogue.

Be the change you want to see in those around you.
Help friends and family recognize the time they spend speaking badly of others by speaking up when the conversation turns negative about someone else. Test your friends' and family's ability to keep the bad-talk down for 1 week in the style of "Fat-Talk Free Week". This will bring attention to just how often you want to say something negative about someone. They will be biting their tongue more often and you will be amazed at the effect this exercise will have on them and you. Leading by example is a great way to push yourself with the goal of downplaying gossip in your life. People will take note, and soon you'll be changing the minds of those who surround you, shedding light on negative, and developing a positive mindset.

Remember that you are strong and that gossiping is beneath you.
As a strong-willed person, you have the ability to control your thoughts and feelings. It is completely up to you how others make you feel, but remember that it's a two-way street. You have the ability to bring others down, and you should never do so. Instead, always build confidence in others by using your confidence and your positive mindset. Surrounding yourself with positive conversation will help all involved to be strong, confident people.

When you want to just explode about that person who really hurt your feelings or that person on the street that you don't even know, stop. Calm yourself down, think inward. How does this person's words, actions, or appearance make you feel? Why? Avoid lowering yourself to gossiping by thinking positively.

Be a beacon of light, strength, confidence, security, and self-esteem.
When you speak negatively about others it eventually becomes a habit that you also incorporate in your life. When you absorb a negative mindset about others it impacts the way you may also feel about yourself. By being an example, evaluating negative thoughts, and examining what is driving them, you become a beacon of light, strength, confidence, security, and self-esteem. You build your self-esteem; think positively about others, yourself, and the world.

Aim for a positive reflection on everything in your life this New Year and every year, and you will be well on your way to a happiness that can't be easily interrupted. You won't feel the need to put others down or gossip, because you'll be too busy enjoying your life to stomp on the lives of others. For this new year and for life, stay positive and exemplify positivity.

First published February 2011

2011 New Year Message: A Celebration of You

2011-01-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

This past year has brought us more wisdom, growth, blessings, and more happiness. As you begin this New Year, you have a chance of finding a new positive direction, new uplifting lifestyle, and new goals and ambitions to pursue. You may have obstacles and challenges to overcome. However, no matter what this new year brings you have the ability and the will to gain strength beyond all strength you have mustered up before, to find peace in your heart, joy in your being, and courage in yourself. You can truly find this New Year as a year to celebrate you.

Celebrate your beauty, your talents, and your life! You are truly a unique, cherished individual, and no matter what may have happened in the past, in the present, or in the future, you are you, and your wisdom and growth will set you apart from others. It will give you a unique story. A story to celebrate. Celebrating your story will allow you to focus on the blessings of your journey. Your experiences give you a mosaic platform of accomplishments, downfalls, defeats, and a yearning to continue to move forward with a smile. You acquire a celebration of wisdom, of love of self, and of life as you press forward.

This celebration is a festival of happiness and strength, courage of oneself to look fear in the eyes and reject it, to build immovable faith, to tackle any obstacle, and to love oneself completely as a genuine, unique, beautiful soul. Don't be afraid to celebrate your positive reflection of life and of self-love. In order to celebrate yourself you have to appreciate yourself, love yourself, commend yourself, and respect yourself. You must be willing to accept yourself and expect others to do likewise.

Be aware that a celebration of you goes deeper than a desert date with yourself but more so a deep divine obligation to promise yourself to take care of you and watch after you. A promise to yourself to pursue all that is righteous, profound, complete, and worthy as you are. You are a goddess, your body a temple, and the celebration of such a divine individual as you must be orchestrated to reflect the lifestyle of peace, joy, and glory in your mind, body, and soul.

Have A Happy New Year

With all my love,

Chizoma Cluff
Editor-In-Chief
Esteem Yourself E-magazine

First published January 2011

Your Glory is Your Truth

2010-12-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

From: Following the Spiritual Soul series
By: Paula M. Ezop

What does the phrase, "Your Glory is Your Truth" mean to you? What is your glory? Is it success? Is it fame and fortune? Or is it what completes you? Is it a distinguished quality that you possess? Is it doing what you were meant to do? Is, "Your Glory," your reason for being, your spirit's mission in life? If it is then truly, "Your Glory is Your Truth."
We all have a mission in life. However, discovering just what that mission is can be a challenge. In fact, for some of us it takes a lifetime, and for others it just comes naturally, and they can't imagine doing or being anything else. They feel that they were born to be a musician; a singer, a teacher, a mother, a caregiver, a policeman, a fireman, or a writer.
Their mission in life isn't necessarily connected to fame and fortune (although they may receive fame and fortune.) No, instead it is connected to their heart and soul - it is a calling - it fulfills them. Their spirit speaks to them and they hear the soft whisperings from within, and follow their heart doing what they love. They have found their mission in life. They are fulfilled, and they are filled with joy, filled with glory! They have found their reason for being - their spiritual truth - their mission in life.
Sometimes, finding our mission in life - our spiritual truth - our reason for being takes us on a path of discovery - learning as we go, growing our spirit as we seek to find our reason for being. Perhaps, being a seeker is part of our mission. Perhaps, we were meant to be seekers. How wonderful is that? What a beautiful thought! It adds an air of adventure to those of us who aren't quite sure why we are here…
Whether your mission in life comes naturally or whether you take a lifetime as a seeker who searches to find their spiritual truth, their reason for being - in the end whatever path you are on you will find your purpose and it will be glorious...
You will find that what brings you glory; what brings you happiness, what fulfills you, what makes you feel whole. It will make you happy when you awake and content when you sleep. This wonderful feeling comes from within it is a knowing. And, more importantly it touches other's lives in a positive way.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if when we were born we came with an instruction manual that told our parents what our mission in life was? Then, they would be able to lovingly direct us, encourage us, find every opportunity to foster just what it is that we came here to do. Although we don't come with an instruction manual the truth is that the core of everyone's life mission is to learn love and kindness no matter what their vocation in life is. We are all spiritually connected, and we are here to lovingly touch the lives of others in a positive way and that is the "truth" that we speak of.
It is during the holiday season that you can actually feel love and kindness in the air. Family, friends, and neighbors seem closer, happier, more loving. People reach out in kindness to each other in so many ways during the holidays. In fact we wish that the festive, loving feeling could last all year. We wish that we could feel that spiritual connection forever and ever.
Today in the United State and throughout the world people everywhere are facing extremely tough economic times. Many of us have felt like giving up. But somehow we find the strength to move forward. Sometimes all it takes are a few kind words of encouragement from a friend, or a gentle hug when we are fighting back tears, or maybe it's just a shoulder to cry on. Whatever it is, as our spirits connect, as our paths cross, we find the strength to move forward. We are all learning how important love and kindness are as we face these tough times - learning the "truth" that is at the core of everyone's reason for being.
We are all learning just what is important in life. We are learning to reach out and help others. We are learning and growing and finding our way, doing what we were all born to do.
During this wonderful season of giving let us celebrate with gifts of kindness and love. For, truly, "Your glory, your reason for being is your truth!"

First published December 2010

5 Ways To Enrich Your Life With Gratitude

2010-11-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

Happiness is Gratitude
Being able to appreciate what you have now is a key element in being happy. Don't wait to appreciate it later or realize what you have only after it is gone. Appreciate and be grateful now. From the minute you wake up, appreciate being able to see a new exciting beautiful day full of new discoveries and achievements. Appreciate every single thing (from a smile, a glass of water, to a loving voice). Write down the things that you appreciate in your journal/diary. Never take anything for granted. Decide to truly believe that what you have today is enough for you.

Spend Time With Family
Be grateful for family and friends. We tend to spend hours at the office, but when it comes to spending time with loved ones we have little time to spare. Find time to spend with those you love.

Learn to Learn
Be grateful for your ability to learn. Continue to grow by learning something new everyday. Be humble and ready to embrace the world and all the good things it has to offer. Life has so much to offer and you are able to learn not only from it but also from the experiences you gain.

Find Joy In Everything
No matter your troubles find joy in every trail and every struggle. It's part of your life experience and you will have a world of experience and strength to give to others as you overcome.

Live Your Dreams
Be grateful for freedom to dream and live as you please. Look to the future with the desire to accomplish. Strive for your dreams and let know one stop you from achieving. Success is up to you. Never ever quit.

Combating the Negatives: Shape Your Mind and Achieve Your Goals

2010-10-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

You want to go back to school, start a business, or further your present career. You may feel that there is too much in the way of your desired goal. You find yourself thinking negatively and in turn you feel like you will never be able to accomplish your goals. Don't be fooled. Negative thoughts and feelings are only meant to keep you down. Find better beginnings to accomplishing your desired goals and make them a reality!

We have put together a self-starter Achieving Your Goal questionnaire to help you begin the process to combat the negatives while working towards achieving your goals. Complete the questionnaire. Be sure to take time to evaluate your goals and how you can accomplish them. Once you have completed the questionnaire make notes on what you have learned about yourself and your goals. Determine the best approach for you to take in working towards your goals. Then set a timeline to achieve your desired goals. Make sure that the timeline that you set is realistic and is set with the intention to complete the goal. Below is an example of the Achieving Your Goal questionnaire that has been completed.

Achieving Your Goal

Goal:
Date of Goal Setting:

Recognizing the Negatives
What do you think is stopping you from achieving your goal?

Overcoming Obstacles
How can you overcome the obstacles in your way?

Gaining Determination
What can you do to make yourself find the determination to succeed?

Notes
What have you learned about how to accomplish your desired goal?

Best Approach
Determine the best approach to reach your goal.

Set Timeline
What will be your timeline to accomplish your goal

Example:
Achieving Your Goal

Goal: Get my Bachelor Degree - Working towards becoming a Nurse Practitioner
Date of Goal Setting: 3/1/07

Recognizing the Negatives
What do you feel is stopping your success?

1. I have no time to go to school
2. No evening babysitter
3. Will be to stressful for me to go back to school

Overcoming Obstacles
How can you over come the obstacles in your way?

1. Set a time for school in my busy schedule (Cancel activities that are not a must - like Tuesday's movie night with girlfriends).
2. Have my mother babysit the children (on a paid basis) Tuesdays like she already does when I go to the movie night events but instead of going to movie night take part-time classes on Tuesdays.
3. Take few classes at a time.
4. Do homework after the children have gone to bed (Change bedtime for children to 7pm instead of 8:30pm).
5. Be determined to complete my schooling regardless of the stress.

Gaining Determination
What can you do to make yourself find the determination to succeed?

1. Register for school immediately.
2. Tell my mother what I am doing (since she has always encouraged me to go back to school).
3. Talk to the college instructors in my field of study to get better understanding of what my classes will be like and what is required.
4. Find joy in my enrolled classes regardless of the task.

Notes
What have you learned about how to accomplish your desired goal?

I have been procrastinating about going back to school. I know I really need to. I always think about it and I know that I need to follow what I feel. I now know that I can skip movie night or rearrange my schedule so I can really get important things that matter to me accomplished. I can work my dream job! And get great pay for it.
I have actually a lot of time to get my goal accomplished. I just have to prioritize. Use my time wisely. Focus on my goals instead of spending time doing things that can wait until I finish school and have obtained my Bachelors !!

Best Approach
Determine the best approach to reach your goal.

1. Register for classes asap.
2. Avoid the stress by working towards my Bachelors on a part-time basis.

Set Timeline
What will be your timeline to accomplish your goal.

Timeline:
3/6/09 - Start 1st College Classes - English 101 & College Algebra Completed 6/26/09
7/3/09 - Start 2nd College Class - English 201 & Nursing 101

continuation of timeline ...

Remember that as you go through the process of combating the negatives you are focusing on finding the solutions. Your main goal is to achieve and reach your goal. This may not be an easy process. Depending on your goals, you may have to work though each section for a period of time or even revise your process to get it to work for you. However, don't get caught up in feeling like you will not be able to achieve and succeed in whatever you would like to accomplish. Many of those whom you admire have had their own obstacles and struggles to combat before reaching their goals.

Tip: Get the Achieve Your Goal questionnaire from the tools page or click here.

Remaining Confident in New Environments

2010-09-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

By: Ansa Edim

You started a new job and your confidence is high. After all, they hired you above all other candidates! You are in a new environment with new people and sometimes in a new city all together. A number of confidence shattering or building situations can arise. The goal in a new setting is to stay empowered and confident. Situations that challenge your confidence will arise. In those cases, below are a few great ways to recover.

No one is introducing themselves to me.

If you feel like no one has approached you the best step is not to assume they are ignoring you, but to introduce yourself. Appear approachable. After all, while this is a new environment for you, you must remember that you are shaking up an already existing environment. Those who may feel threatened by change might be weary of approaching a new person. Just accept this; it has nothing to do with your personality or your worth as an employee. Stay confident and soon they will see that you are approachable. They will eventually see the breath of fresh air you are to the company and will adapt to you and the strength you bring to the company.

Everyone already has their groups.

When you start a new job, it's true that you're entering an already organized territory. You may shake things up a bit and understanding this fact is the key to maintaining self-confidence in a new office. Other employees are already comfortable with the way things are, they like the status quo and you being new messes that up. A good way of breaking into the group is by initiating conversations that stem from what you overhear. If you hear someone commenting on a nice dress someone else is wearing, add a compliment as well. Be vocal; add your voice to the usual mix of voices in the office. Eventually, you will blend in and your opinion will not only be expected but respected. Don't shy away from stepping into conversations. Ask questions, comment often, and soon you will not feel so excluded because naturally your co-workers will begin to include you in their conversations.

They all keep going to lunch and not inviting me.

Every day around 12 noon, the usual crowds gather to head out to lunch. It may seem like everyone is headed out together, each double checking to make sure the other is going. All the while, your name has not been mentioned. No one stopped by your office to check if you wanted to go. Before you know it, you're in an empty office with an empty stomach. This can foster feelings of loneliness, abandonment and low self-esteem. You may feel like a social pariah and that no one likes you. In this situation, you have to like yourself and believe whole-heartedly that you are worth spending time with. Also take initiative and ask to join a group heading out to lunch. Be observant and selective before selecting a group in order to avoid the gossip groups, negative groups, or groups that may take more time then lunch break accommodates. Don't forget that your reputation is more important then joining any group just to fit in.

This situation can end one of two ways: You can have the confidence to step out of your office one afternoon while everyone is making plans and say, "Hey, are you all going out? I'd like to come!" and simply invite yourself. See how it feels to spend time with this group outside of the office, even if briefly. Do they include you? Do you enjoy your time? After all, you will have to spend time with them back at the office daily, so try not to harbor any jealousy or self-destructive feelings. If you feel excluded and hurt, either try to break into the group (as seen in the above situation) or decide that this group is not for you. It's not worth the feeling of worthlessness that comes with being excluded from a group. You know your worth, and you love yourself. What others think is of no matter. Keep your confidence up and try to find ways to enjoy your lunch hour on your own if there's no way you will be dining with co-workers anytime soon. Bring a book, run errands, or shop. Have fun!

I feel belittled by more senior employees who are lower on the company chain.

When someone who may be lower on the company chain but older than you speaks down to you or criticizes you in an unproductive manner, remember that everyone has a job to do and that includes you and that person. This is not to support belittling other workers, but to reinforce the fact that you were hired to do your job, just as they were to do theirs. Have more confidence in yourself. Stand up to this person who may be older than you, but may not specialized in your field. In fact, they can be specialized in your field, but still may infringe on your ability to do your job. In this case, remind yourself: "I was hired for this position, not them. I know how to do my job. If I need help, I know that I can call on that person, but until then they need to stop micromanaging me." Kindly relay this to the infringing person, confidently thanking them for their input and telling them that if you need assistance, now you know who to go to. Avoid drama or getting upset.

Remember that whether you are embarking on a new job, a new class, or any new setting, it is important to remain confident no matter what. Your confidence will empower you to rise above office drama or feeling left out. Don't doubt or second guess yourself, your abilities, or your confidence and you will soon adapt to the new setting, just as the setting will adapt to you.

First published September 2010

Life's Adversities Make Us Stronger
By: Paula M. Ezop

Have you ever felt lost, alone, scared, or afraid? Have those feelings ever made you feel sick to your stomach? Have they paralyzed you or have you cried yourself to sleep wondering if you would ever feel safe, secure, or happy ever again? Have you cried out to God for help or promised something if he helped you? If you answered yes to any of these questions believe me you are not alone. We all face challenges during our lifetime - a financial crisis, the loss of a job or our home, a life threatening illness, or the loss of a loved one - life changing situations that we have no control over, and the loss of control is debilitating. These challenges are a test of our inner strength, our faith, and our ability to endure.
Somehow we survive, somehow we find the strength, somehow our faith is restored, and somehow we are able to endure the hardships of life. Where does this strength come from? How do we go on when life seems impossible? We access our inner strength. We look for answers. We dig in our heels. We endure and we move forward the best that we can. All the while learning and growing stronger. It's not easy but our spirit helps us survive.
Our cries are heard, solutions appear, and strength is given. Our inner spirit takes over and controls our fear. Our inner spirit connects us to the spiritual power that is within each and every one of us. It quiets our fears and gives us a sense of peace. Our journey may not always be easy, but we find a way. We find a way to handle what life throws at us and we grow through our life experiences. The adversities of life make us stronger.
You see, in our desperation we seek the only thing that will bring us peace - our spiritual connection to our Creator. We know in our hearts that he hears our cries. We know in our hearts that he will comfort us, and we know in our hearts that he will help us and make us strong. Our cries are heard and strength is given.
Our life journeys are all different, just as the challenges that we face in our lifetime are different. However, our strength comes from the same place. Our strength comes from within and from the spiritual connection that we all have.
The next time you are filled with fear, the next time you cry yourself to sleep, the next time you feel lost, alone, or scared; remember that the answers that you seek will come from within. Access your inner strength and make that spiritual connection. Know in your heart that your cries are heard, know that you will overcome whatever situation it is that you find yourself in. You will find the strength, you will endure, but most importantly you will gain the spiritual strength you need to continue your journey through life.

First published August 2010

Life's Adversities Make Us Stronger

2010-08-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

By: Paula M. Ezop

Have you ever felt lost, alone, scared, or afraid? Have those feelings ever made you feel sick to your stomach? Have they paralyzed you or have you cried yourself to sleep wondering if you would ever feel safe, secure, or happy ever again? Have you cried out to God for help or promised something if he helped you? If you answered yes to any of these questions believe me you are not alone. We all face challenges during our lifetime - a financial crisis, the loss of a job or our home, a life threatening illness, or the loss of a loved one - life changing situations that we have no control over, and the loss of control is debilitating. These challenges are a test of our inner strength, our faith, and our ability to endure.
Somehow we survive, somehow we find the strength, somehow our faith is restored, and somehow we are able to endure the hardships of life. Where does this strength come from? How do we go on when life seems impossible? We access our inner strength. We look for answers. We dig in our heels. We endure and we move forward the best that we can. All the while learning and growing stronger. It's not easy but our spirit helps us survive.
Our cries are heard, solutions appear, and strength is given. Our inner spirit takes over and controls our fear. Our inner spirit connects us to the spiritual power that is within each and every one of us. It quiets our fears and gives us a sense of peace. Our journey may not always be easy, but we find a way. We find a way to handle what life throws at us and we grow through our life experiences. The adversities of life make us stronger.
You see, in our desperation we seek the only thing that will bring us peace - our spiritual connection to our Creator. We know in our hearts that he hears our cries. We know in our hearts that he will comfort us, and we know in our hearts that he will help us and make us strong. Our cries are heard and strength is given.
Our life journeys are all different, just as the challenges that we face in our lifetime are different. However, our strength comes from the same place. Our strength comes from within and from the spiritual connection that we all have.
The next time you are filled with fear, the next time you cry yourself to sleep, the next time you feel lost, alone, or scared; remember that the answers that you seek will come from within. Access your inner strength and make that spiritual connection. Know in your heart that your cries are heard, know that you will overcome whatever situation it is that you find yourself in. You will find the strength, you will endure, but most importantly you will gain the spiritual strength you need to continue your journey through life.

First published August 2010

Blessings, Curses, And the Human Condition

2010-07-01T08:02:00.000-07:00

By: Laura-Lee Smith

Tune into any news station and you will be bombarded by all that is going wrong in the world today. From disastrous oil spills affecting ecosystems and human livelihoods to countries we've barely heard of like Kyrgyzstan going through issues that seem unimaginable in this day and age. Occasionally, we will hear something heartwarming about someone being a hero or the birth of a fuzzy new animal at a zoo, but overall our society is as obsessed by the negative as we have always been. Cynicism is more often showcased in films and television than a rosier outlook on life. Entertaining that rosier outlook often labels you a goody two shoes or ignorant. It's no wonder with the world in turmoil and our society as it is, we often forget or are hesitant to stop and smell the roses.

As strange as it may seem, it helps to know that the world is as bad as it has always been. With all our advancements in industry and technology, we are still preoccupied by violence. We aren't watching fights to the death like the Romans were, but the cages we pit two men against in the UFC are still covered in blood by the end of the night. Our politics are still like two children fighting in a sandbox. Wars are still being fought for resources in the name of liberty. We are still killing each other for petty reasons. There is no cause to give up in the face of all the negative media. What we must do is find a reason to keep a positive outlook. If you look hard enough, these reasons are all around us.

The world may be just as bad as it has always been, but it still has the same amount of good in it too, maybe more. There are still people out there who not only want to make the world a better place, but are working to do so. While the planet is giving us signs that we need to treat it better, there is still natural beauty around us to appreciate and help make us change our tune. The world and the people in it are both a curse and a blessing. To get by we must focus on the blessings.

Focusing on those blessings seems like something we could do easily, something we'd want to get on board with if not for the fact that on a lesser scale, we are obsessed with the negative in our day to day lives. At the end of every day before we close our eyes to recharge what usually goes through your head? Your lunatic boss, how you're going to pay for school, you are on month three of dating this guy and he still won't put a ring on it, instead of working on becoming a size 6 this week you ate a whole bag of miniature Twix instead. Every issue, every problem comes screaming at us not only when we are at rest, but in motion too.

These are the issues that keep us up at night and follow us into the next day. So instead of ending and starting your day on a negative note, remind yourself of all the joys and blessings you have in your personal life. Every night go through all of the things and people in your life you are blessed with. Count every blessing regardless of how small you accomplished that day. Every morning you wake up do the same thing. You have family, health, even the smallest things like hearing your favorite song on the radio is a reason to let that feeling of warmth spread over you and help face the worries with a more positive outlook.

The world is a less frightening place when you have something to fight for. Don't let negative, unhappy people rain on your parade and tell you you're silly for trying to find some happiness when life often and easily gets us down. Whatever you have in your life, be it Jesus, the gym, good friends, good family, a good meal, or your cat, if it brings you happiness then there is no reason to feel ashamed. Remember the world and the people in it are both a curse and a blessing. Your positive attitude makes you one of the blessings.

First published July 2010

Be Happy No Matter What

2010-07-01T08:01:00.000-07:00

We may feel lonely, worried, paranoid, sad or even angry at times. However, the importance of feeling good about life is crucial as you experience obstacles. Finding ways to regain a positive attitude is key to overcoming trying times.

Be Optimistic
No matter what you maybe going through being optimistic will help you feel a sense of peace and hope. Strengthen your ability to feel good by just being. No matter the situation learn to say, it's going to be alright. At times just being optimistic may feel like it will not work but the more you tell yourself it will all work out the more confidence you will have to overcome. It truly will work out just believe it.

Be Actively Engaged
Being actively engaged will help you spend less time on the obstacle that you are going through. Find ways to keep yourself positively active. Involve yourself in a hobby, strive for an achievement, dedicate time to service others.

Be Courageous
Don't be scared to try to achieve. Some people assume that instead of being rejected they should just stay far away from rejection by not setting goals or looking forward to achievements. This is not the best approach to being happy. Being happy is knowing you have tried your best. Knowing that you can use your skills to build yourself and achieve your goals. Have the courage to reach for your dreams. Have the courage to keep trying. Also have the courage to move on if you need to. Not everything is going to go the way you planned. Be ready for anything and ready for the outcome.

Be Devoted
Although, an obstacle may seem hard to overcome, be of good cheers. Only you can make yourself happy. Devote yourself to achieving happiness no matter what circumstances you are in. Embrace happiness today.

Note: Always consult a professional if you feel that you may need professional assistance.

Supportive Exercising

2010-07-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

By: Leontine Armstrong

Supporting a friend in any way they need you is sometimes one of the best things we can do for them. Try encouraging one of your friends who is struggling with keeping up a routine of working out, or trying to be consistent with something physical. An interesting fact is that when we help our friends with their difficulties we are also helping ourselves because we are putting forth positive energy towards assisting someone in need. You will feel great and they will feel great too. Showing you are genuine in trying to help your friend will help them with whatever is going on in their life. If you motivate and support them, you are showing your friend that they have someone there for them.

Supporting your friend becomes important when they really need you. Being there for them when they are ready to talk with you is very important. Some people won't accept your help, however, offer your help and wait for them to accept. It is difficult seeing a close friend in pain, but the best thing that you can do is to offer your help whenever they need your assistance. You can support your friend by doing several different things. You can be there to listen to them when they need to vent and just talk. You can also offer up advice and what you think might help them. Let them know that you won't be offended if they don't take your advice and that you are there to perhaps bounce ideas back and forth. Exercise is always a great idea for them to take on and encourage them to go out with you and do fun things.

Help your friend by encouraging them to set a goal. This goal can be to lose a certain amount of weight, get better at running, or working out with more weight. Whatever the goal is, it will give your friend something to look forward to with your help. Try and make one of the goals hanging out with friends, meeting other people who love to workout, and joining a gym or group exercise.

You can also support your friend by doing exercises with them. Try fishing, golfing, walking, bowling, or some other relaxing sports. When you help to distract your friend's mind you are helping them take a moment of relaxation they probably really need. Playing sports and exercising stimulates your mind and will help your friend release some of their anxiety and frustration.

Try supporting a friend by going on a walk with them. You'd be surprised how relaxing just walking and talking can be. There are several very useful reasons for doing this. You will be improving your cardiovascular system because you are moving your body and breathing a lot while you walk and talk. This is a wonderful way to help your friend de-stress and relax because walking has so many positive aspects. Your friend's mood will improve because they are venting to you as they are moving around and they will feel better because of this unique combination. Their attitude towards whatever it is that they are dealing with will improve as well because they will be discussing their problems with a trusted friend. If they decide not to talk about what is bothering them, the walk will still be helping them burn up some pent up energy and they will feel better because they are moving their bodies around.

Another way to help your friend is to encourage them to spend time with you and other friends. Invite your friend out for a group workout. Classes such as pilates, yoga, zumba, kickboxing, and many others are perfect ways to encourage your friend to get out, meet new people, and brings their spirits up. These classes and groups are great for encouraging your friends because they will be interacting with other people who enjoy getting out and exercising. Group exercising is such a powerful encouragement for so many people because when we are around a positive energy we automatically feel better about ourselves and our lives.

Be patient with your friend. Whatever they are going through, you need to remain supportive no matter what and be there for them whenever they need you. Don't get upset if they are slow in accepting help. They probably are trying to independently get through their problems, but it doesn't mean that they don't want your help. Be there, and be ready. Be the encouraging and supportive friend they need.

First published July 2010

Beat the Heat: Summer Styling with Zero to Minimum Heat

2010-07-01T07:58:00.000-07:00

By: Christina Mason

Before the fireworks begin this Fourth of July, declare your summer independence from blow dryers, straighteners, and curling irons today. It's difficult to maintain heat-it-to-achieve-it styles in the summer. The sun is scorching hot and washing your hair becomes more frequent. Thermal styling tools can give you an instant look, but constant heat styling can thin and damage natural, color- and chemically-treated hair. Let your hair cool off by trying alternative no- to- low heat methods for volume, texture, or sleekness.

Make sure you start each style with a clean head of hair for longer-lasting results.

1.Wash and condition

2.Squeeze excess water from your strands using a silk or satin material (towels will give you frizz)

3.Let your hair-dry
(Optional: Use a blowdryer on the lowest setting, moving the dryer quickly over your head as you go)

Sleekness

The Wrap
Sleek, flowing tresses are carefree and simple to achieve, without using excessive heat. This method works best for fine, relaxed, and slightly wavy hair types.

1.When your hair is slightly damp, apply a light leave-in product

2.Pull your hair in a low ponytail with a no-snag hair tie

3.Gently smooth your ponytail and remove tangle with a paddle brush or seamless comb

4.Wrap your ponytail into a loose bun and secure with a bobby pin

5.Use the lowest setting on your blowdryer to dry damp areas

6.When your roots and hair feel completely dry, undo your bun and remove hair tie

7.Using your paddle brush, wrap your hair around your hair head, securing with pins as you go

8.Wrap a satin or silk scarf securely around your head

9.Wait 2-3 hours or sleep with your scarf overnight for better results
(Optional: Apply a dab of serum for added sleekness and shine)

Texture

The Braid-out
Simple and effective, the Braid-out is an easy and gentle way to live your summer days as a lioness.

1.Apply a leave-in product when your hair is slightly damp

2.Part your hair in 4-12 sections ( this will vary depending on the thickness of your hair)

3.Braid each section one at a time

4.Roll each braid into your scalp

5.Secure with a bobby pin

6.Let your hair air-dry overnight or sit under a bonnet dryer for 30-45 minutes

7.When your hair feels completely dry, undo each braid
(Optional: For more texture, lightly mist your hair with spring or distilled water and scrunch)

Volume

The Roller Set
With a roller set, you can achieve 90s supermodel hair where big body hair reigned supreme.

1.When your hair is 85-90 percent damp, apply a light setting lotion

2.Section your hair (fewer and smaller sections will give you tighter curls)

3.Apply soft rollers or rods securely to each section of hair from the bottom up

4.Secure with a bobby pin
(Optional: If your roots are still damp, use the cool shot setting on your blowdryer to speed up drying time)

5.When finished, wrap your hair with a silk or satin scarf

6.Remove rollers in the morning

7.Flip your hair upside down using a paddle brush, smoothing the back of your hair from the nape to the front
(Optional: For extra hold, lightly spritz your hair with alcohol-free hairspray)

When you use your heat styling tools less, your strands get a chance to breathe. Challenge yourself to give up heat for two weeks and evaluate your hair. If it hasn't been severely damaged by heat, you may notice that your hair looks and feels healthier and stronger. Each low-to-no heat method requires less stress on your hair and an overall healthy approach to your styling routine. Spend the rest of summer working on your tan, and not your hair.

First published July 2010

The Spirit of Service

2010-06-01T08:11:00.000-07:00

By: Paula M. Ezop

The word "service" is a word that we are all familiar with. It brings to mind so many things - we think of the men and women who serve our country in the armed forces. We think of the volunteers who donate their time and gifts to those in need, and we think of the many organizations that support so many causes. Causes that are close to their member's hearts. Causes that make a difference in people's lives. All of these things come to mind when we hear that special word "service." A special word that has a spirit of its own.
It is amazing how one single word can create so many mental pictures as well as numerous heartfelt emotions. One single word that warms the heart and brings a smile to your face - simply amazing.
"Amazing," is another word that goes hand in hand with the word, "service." Yes, it is amazing that our world has so many people who find the time to care and make a difference. Their caring spirits amaze us, as well as their tireless efforts. They serve people and causes that they "care" about.
"Caring," is at the core of the meaning and the spirit of the word, "service." People who care - serve. So, if we put all of those words together, we have caring people who serve and amaze us with their spirit of brotherhood and their relentless efforts to make a difference. They are an inspiration to us all. Yes, we are thankful that they do what they do. And, it warms our hearts to know that there are so many people who care and make a difference.
Stop and think for a moment. Ask yourself the following questions. Do I have the spirit of service? How do I make a difference?
Many of us probably don't do volunteer work, many of us probably don't belong to service organizations, and many of us don't belong to the armed forces. But, that doesn't mean that we don't have the spirit of service in our hearts. That doesn't mean that we don't care, and that doesn't mean that we don't make a difference.
The spirit of service is a part of all of us. We all care; we all make a difference in someone's life. Isn't that the real "spirit of service"?
All of us practice the spirit of service everyday of our lives. Every time we reach out in love and kindness we show that we care, and that we want to make a difference in someone's life. Every time we smile at a stranger, every time we hug a crying child, every time we listen to and guide a friend in need we are working in the spirit of service.
You see all of those little things that you do every day of your life is an expression of spiritual caring - spiritual service. You are showing your family, your friends, those you work with, your neighbors, and even strangers that you care. You are showing them that you want to make a difference in their lives - you amaze them with your kindness, your understanding, and your love. That is the spirit of service, and that is how we all serve everyday. That is how we all show that we care. That is how we make a difference and isn't the true spirit of service amazing!

First published June 2010

Eating Real Food

2010-06-01T08:07:00.000-07:00

By: Mehan Dossani

When we eat well, we feel good. It's a simple equation yet one that is often hard to wrap our brains around. How do we translate that statement into daily habits? To quote Michael Pollen "eat REAL food".

What does real mean to you? Instead of over thinking it, make this a simple question. Open your pantry. Take a look inside your fridge. Does what you find look like real food? Sure, you can eat it, it has energy, you can digest it, but do those tortilla chips with a picture of corn stalks on it actually resemble corn? It has a corn-like taste, but somehow we went from fruits and vegetables grown on a farm to processed, packaged foods that can sit in our pantries for months and never go bad. As Michael Pollen writes, there are simple choices to make when we make decisions about what we eat.

Getting back into the kitchen
Get into your kitchen and start preparing your own food. If you are craving some cupcakes, don't go and buy one the size of your head for $6, make some from scratch. No, not from a box but mixing flour and eggs yourself. It's easy! You'll satisfy your sweet tooth, and unlike those kind you buy at the store, yours will go stale after a day or so. This means you bring them into your office or share them with neighbors. A tub of ice cream isn't meant to sit in your freezer for two weeks, sitting and waiting for you to reach for it night after night until it's finished. Food is meant to be prepared and consumed the day of, the next day, and then you move on to something new. What's the fun of eating snacks from the same bag day after day? It makes it feel less special and it starts becoming too much of a habit.

Read the ingredients
If you can't pronounce an ingredient, put it down, and step away. Eating real food is about eating ingredients you can recognize. Eating real food is about eating food that spoils, not eating food that has been injected with so many preservatives it never rots. Don't make eating junk food so easy for yourself. Grocery stores make eating unhealthy foods incredibly easy. So you have to be in control. It's almost hard to find the natural food as our aisles are filled to the brim with processed food (if you can call it food) that is almost unrecognizable as real sustenance. Don't make things so easy for yourself. Buy ingredients, don't buy ready-made meals or snacks that only require you to open a bag. As long as you have a good plan, you'll find making your own dinner with a few fresh ingredients a simple part of your daily routine. If you have time to watch your favorite TV show or catch up with friends on Facebook, you have time to prepare your dinner and your lunch for the next day. Ignore the size of the walk in pantry your builder thought you needed. Just store flour, salt, sugar, nuts, dried fruit, simple things like that. Don't snack on some energy bar with bizarre words under the ingredients, just toast up some oats, honey and nuts and you've got some granola bars.

Make eating real food a real habit in your daily life and you'll enter the summer months as a healthy, happy individual.

First published June 2010

Finding Strength Through Others

2010-06-01T08:02:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard that whatever you do comes back to you? Or that positive attracts positive? Whether you believe this or not, doing good deeds and encouraging others to succeed can bring you happiness. By learning to implement the strategies that are listed below, you will be able to learn to rejoice in others' accomplishments, assist others in growth and success, embrace others' talents, and compliment others and wish them well. With the proper attitude and mind-set, you can enrich your life by finding strength through other people's joys. You will also notice a ripple effect as you start to live with a positive view of those that surround you.

Embrace Others
Do you compare yourself to others?
Sometimes admiring others' gifts, talents, beauty and accomplishments can make you feel inadequate. When doing so, you begin to wish and envy, taking for granted your own blessings and gifts. You may begin to feel resentment and anger towards others which may result in a negative mind-set. Also, by comparing yourself, you eventually eliminate what you have. Your own talents may even begin to diminish. As individuals, as sisters and as women, we need to learn to embrace our differences and feel united with one another. We all have our talents and gifts, our own unique beauty and qualities. Each one of us is different. So, instead of trying to compare yourself to others, complement others and be proud of others. Find joy in others' gifts, talents. Find admiration in others' beauty and accomplishments.

Find Joy In Others
When someone has good news how does it make you feel?
Try to avoid negative feelings or jealousy for others. Feeling jealous can be unhealthy. Wishing bad to others is damaging. Even if someone offended you, only you can control your emotions. If ever you begin to feel a sense of anger and jealousy, stop yourself. Decide immediately that you will simply try to have a positive attitude towards them. Stay away from gossiping or slandering their name. Just as you wouldn't want someone else to think negatively about you, it is important that we care for others and wish them well.

Be Happy for Others
Do you desire for others to succeed?
Some people are inclined not to help their fellow (wo)men and would rather see them fail in their endeavors. This type of thinking is very selfish. When someone achieves a goal or something good happens to them, you should be happy for them. Finding joy in others' happiness and success is away to obtain happiness for yourself. It's like having a ray of sunshine. When others progress, rejoice in their progression as if it were your own. Not only will you be filled with joy in your heart, it will also influence you and encourage you to strive for your own goals. The sunshine spreads and gives you the motivation and inspiration to succeed. As you care for others and wish them well you will have compassion for them. You will feel their pain when they struggle and you will be in a joyous mood when they succeed.

Assist Others
Are you helpful in assisting others become better?
Never underestimate the act of service. You have a lot to share and give. There are many who seek to be enriched by you through your talents and skills. No matter your talent you can be a teacher and aid in the development of others. Find ways to assist others and build them so they can reach for their goals and dreams. As you assist others in becoming their best, you will find that you will grow as well.

Published June 2010

Assembling Your Accessories

2010-06-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

By: Celes Tina

Who doesn't like a collection of great bags or shoes? Many women adore their handbags and shoes, collecting them by the dozens. However, for those who are unable to collect shoes and bags by the dozen or those who may want to find new ways to wear the old, let's look at some of your options.

Simplify
Items that are used to heighten your style and complement your attire can make or brake your ideal vision of your fashion style. To stay connected to the fashion statement you have in mind focus on your outfit when it comes to wearing accessories. Keeping your accessories simple and detail oriented is essential.

Bags & Shoes
When shopping for bags and shoes focus on durability, wardrobe driven colors, multiple outfit coordination and style/occasion. With so many fancy and cute bags it may be hard to really focus on items that will work for you. When selecting bags search for bags that accommodate your needs. Purchasing shoes can be very difficult. Stay away from purchases shoes that keep you uncomfortable.

Necklaces, Bracelet, Earrings & Other Accessories
When looking for the right necklace or bracelet to adore your outfit the type of occasion you are attending should determine your accessories. Also consider your own personal style and what makes you unique. Don't be afraid to wear an accessory that complements your own sense of style. However, be sure to limit the amount no matter the occasion. In many cases less is more.

Tips: Stay away from buying items that you will only wear once. This will leave you with limited amount of coordination and limits your spending ability. Go for the accessories that can give you the most for your money.

First published June 2010

Whispers

2010-05-01T08:11:00.000-07:00

By: Paula M. Ezop

There's a special whisper that a mother hears at the precise moment she realizes that she is going to be a mother. Whether she becomes a mother through giving birth, adoption, or when she makes the decision to be a foster mother - it doesn't matter. There's a special soft, heart felt, all consuming whisper that mothers around the world hear. It comes from our creator who whispers to our hearts and to our souls, "Cherish, protect, and above all love the gift that I have given you." And, we whisper back, "Yes I will."

We hear that soft, gentle, loving whisper and the words resonate deep within us. "Cherish, protect, and above all love." "Love" a single word that explains the joys of motherhood.

From that moment on we love unconditionally - we love during all of the happy times, the joyous times, the trying times, and the sad times in our children's lives. We hurt when they hurt, we burst with pride when they are successful, and we shed tears when they are sad or disappointed. We hug, we console, we reprimand, and we have expectations. We teach, we mentor, and we apologize. We get mad, we give time outs, and we hug some more. We spoil them as only a mother can, and we cherish, protect, and above all love the gift that we have been given.

Motherhood is a gift. It is a heartfelt responsibility that we have for the rest of our lives, because above all else we "love," a love that is so strong, a love that never doubts, a love that goes above and beyond no matter what. That soft whisper remains in our hearts forever - it never leaves us.

The joyous part is that the whispers never end - our creator doesn't stop there, he knows our job isn't easy, he knows all too well the journey that we are on; he knows we need guidance in raising this precious gift. So he keeps on softly whispering to our spirits as we journey through life together.

He whispers, "Teach them to love, help them to learn the importance of a kind heart from you, show them the way to happiness, help them to see the goodness in all things, share your wisdom with them."

Yes, the whispers never end. Whispers that we hear in the dark of night when we are afraid and don't know what to do to help our children. Whispers given that speak of gratitude for counseling and guiding them, whispers of hope when we pray for healing, or the wonderful whispers of understanding when we teach them the hard lessons that they must learn.

We are never alone; there is an unseen force that is with us helping us to navigate the joys and hardships of raising our children.

Hold those soft whispers in your heart, for they too are a gift. A gift given out of love. And remember always to, cherish, protect, and above all love the gifts that you have been given.

First published May 2010

My Daughter, My Mirror

2010-05-01T08:10:00.000-07:00

By: Laura-Lee Smith

Some women tip-toe through their adult lives in a subconscious effort NOT to become their mothers. We may look at our mothers strapped down with raising children and resolve not to have any, or we may see them coming home everyday tired and unhappy with a job they've taken to support their families and resolve not to get married until we are fully established in a career of our choosing. Even growing up in a certain place, the country perhaps, leads us to rebel and create a life and new identity for ourselves in the big city. However small or large these rebellions are there may come a point when we find ourselves in a dressing room on the verge of tears and in our heads is the voice of our mothers telling us what we need to change about ourselves. We've learned a lot from our mothers, but we may have picked up a lot more from them than we realize. We live in a society that puts a lot of emphasis on a man's impact on his sons, but often neglects to emphasize a mother's influence on her daughter.

Ask yourselves where a young girl's self image comes from in her formative years. Now consider this, a young African American girl grows up hating her hair after years of having her mother heat it, beat it, and roll it into submission. While Mom may never say it out loud, what she is saying to her daughter is, "who you are isn't good enough," causing within her daughter a lifelong struggle to make herself something she's not. It is no different than a young girl watching her mother battle with her own self-image, hiding behind baggy clothes, and sighing with defeat on the scale because she is still carrying a few extra pounds. What is unspoken speaks volumes to a young girl whose only blueprint for femininity is her mother.

Leading by example should not be taken for granted when it comes to imparting healthy self esteem in a young girl. Think about what you are telling your daughters, when you complain about your weight or carry yourself with your head hung low. If you have passed on wildly curly hair to your daughter, celebrate it. If you have passed on a little extra junk in the trunk, don't hide them in mom jeans! Learn how to dress your curves and-you guessed it - Celebrate your curves! Not only will your daughter learn to do the same, but you will be able to tag along and pass on a little shopping advice. Becoming that blueprint is so important, especially these days when being a young woman is so difficult.

As a girl grows older healthy self-esteem becomes harder to come by, because at some point we are taught that beauty means being fair-skinned, thin, and having Barbie hair with delicate features. Where does that image come from? The answer is quite simple. These days it seems the media is doing a lot of the child-rearing and we are often quick to blame it when a boy picks up a gun and in a rage brings it to school or a young girl walks out of the house missing a few key articles of clothing because she idolizes Miley Cyrus or begins starving herself to look like Kate Moss. But if a young woman doesn't have a healthy foundation to fall back on, the question then becomes how do we counteract what society feeds to our children?

Before your daughter picks up a glossy fashion magazine and trades her Dora the Explorer in for Hannah Montana, she has her mother to look to, and it is in these years and beyond that you must become the woman you one day want your daughter to be. Along with all the good traits you've passed along, bestow healthy eating habits and a healthy body image that embraces every figure.

You want the best for your daughter and you wanting her to be accepted by society's standards isn't wrong, per se, but not at the expense of your daughter's ultimate happiness. Teaching her the importance of exercise and forging a healthy relationship with your own body is just as important as forging healthy relationships with the people that you allow into your life. In living your life as a template for your daughter, you may find your own self-esteem rising and what better motivation is there to become that woman than for the love of your daughter.

First published May 2010

Build Your Metabolism

2010-05-01T08:05:00.000-07:00

By: Leontine Armstrong

Our metabolism slows down for several reasons. It happens when we skip meals because your stomach is trying to compensate for the loss of nutrition it needs while being forced to instead feed off of your muscles. It also happens when we skip meals which might actually result in over eating to catch up. When people go on extreme unhealthy diets such as only eating one food group or substituting a healthy meal for a fast food one they can also have a result of low metabolism. Eating healthy is very important and should never be over looked because of the important nutritional values needed for the human body.

Many people have an immense amount of physical stress in their daily lives and this can surprisingly affect your metabolism. In some instances, stress in a person's life will take away energy from their body. From this we can understand that the person will not have much remaining energy to focus on eating right and exercising properly. As we all grow older our metabolism slows down because we may not be as active as we once were. This does not need to be the case for you. If you keep a healthy routine of exercise balanced with proper nutrition, you will increase your metabolism despite your age.

Any of these problems may affect the way your metabolism operates and can have a negative impact on your life style and body. Make an effort to build your metabolism by doing the following:

Daily Rituals

Make sure you eat breakfast
Remember when you were told that breakfast was the most important meal of the day? Well, it's true. It is the most important meal of the day because it gives you energy to burn throughout your tough day. Eat something that provides energy and will stay with you until lunch such as: oatmeal, milk, orange juice, fruit, bagel and jam, whole grain cereal, nuts, raisins, eggs, sausage, non fat yogurt, high fiber bars. These are some suggestions for foods that will help you get a jump start in the morning.

Drink lots of water
The human body is composed of approximately 60% water. This is why it is so important to stay hydrated before, during, and after your workout. Water, believe it or not, will give you that boost of energy after taking a quick sip when you're thirsty. What's even better to do is to drink before you're thirsty. Thirst is the first sign of dehydration and you don't want to lose too much water when you workout. Drinking cold water is also healthy. Your stomach has to heat up what you put into your stomach. When your body has to work to make your contents of your stomach the same temperature as your body, your metabolism will speed up and burn a few calories. However, drinking too much cold water will cancel out this effect because you want to trick your body in small moments, so it works to your advantage.

Eat protein filled meals
Building muscle and getting rid of fat requires eating protein. Your muscles are composed of protein and in order for them to grow or tone you must utilize the protein located in specific foods. It's better to replace fat with muscle by eating protein so your body is eating away the fat you are burning while not damaging your muscles.

Cardio, Weights, & Cardio
Try mixing up your workout routine by doing cardio for 5-10 minutes, weight lifting for 45 minutes and then ending with a 20-30 minute cardio routine to finish up. If you do cardio before and after building muscle during your workouts you will be forming muscle as you lose fat. By doing this you are toning your body with muscle as you lose fat that will be burned during your workout. This is a very healthy way to lose weight because you are improving your cardiovascular and muscular fitness.

Change your exercises around frequently
By doing this you while keep your body busy. After doing the same exercise routine over and over your body will get used to that kind of activity and know when it is ok to stop. Switching up your routines will remind your body that there are other muscles that need to be used, as well as other ways of exercising the same muscle. Keeping your body alert with new exercises will keep your metabolism moving even after you are finished with a workout for the day.

Snack smart throughout the day
When you are consistently giving yourself healthy small snacks and meals, you are giving your body energy to keep going throughout the day. We all have our moments in the day where we start to drop in energy levels. When your energy drops eat a snack to replenish yourself and keep going. When you eat small meals you are making your stomach work all day long by processing food that is healthy and full of energy. When you eat large meals you are putting a lot of food into your stomach at once which makes it difficult to process quickly. It sits in your stomach and some of it can't be digested properly if you consistently do this. You might feel that weighing down in your stomach and you really don't want this feeling to keep reoccurring.

Eat some spicy foods
According to recent research, when you eat something spicy your body's metabolism accelerates because it's resting metabolic rate is elevated. Your adrenaline is also kicking into gear from the spicy food making your body react to burn more calories. The spicy food also has the effect of making you feel full and satisfied so you won't be as hungry for an extra helping.

Cramps & You
During the time of the month women may experience cramps, bloating and pms. By consistently exercising your period will not be as painful as it usually is. You will be less stressed out and less prone to be a little moody. Cramps won't hurt as bad because you have been working out your muscles so they are warmed up, stretched and healthy. Bloating won't be as bad because if you are drinking plenty of water you will have worked off some of the bloating that would otherwise ruin your nice day. Consistently drinking water and working out your body will burn calories during your painful part of the month.

Get a good amount of rest
Oversleeping isn't good for your body because you are lying down for too long of a time. It makes your body sleepy for the rest of the day as well. Not sleeping enough will make you feel drowsy throughout the day and you won't have much energy either. When you do get 7-8 hours of sleep your body will be much better rested than having too much or too little amounts of sleep. Taking quick power naps are also good for you. Studies show that if you take nap in increments of 15 minutes you will have that quick little boost of energy to push yourself through the rest of the day and an exercise you have planned.

Note:
Please be sure to check with your doctor to see what nutritional route is best for you. Check with your doctor to see what physical activities you should focus on and which ones you may not be able to do. Safety is important to a long and healthy life, so please be sure you find out what would be the best course for you.

First published May 2010

Are You Trapped by Your Oversensitivity?

2010-05-01T08:03:00.000-07:00

By: Ansa Edim

Has someone ever given you advice that sounded particularly harsh? Do you feel like you are always hearing negative comments from friends, family, and coworkers; or that you get emotional easily in an argument? Oversensitivity can lower your self-confidence, self-esteem and cause you stress that will only make you feel worse. If you are ever in a situation where you feel like your emotions accelerate faster than you can properly evaluate the situation, ask yourself these questions:

Q1. Is it constructive or destructive criticism?

When you hear criticism, ask yourself if the person is being constructive or destructive. It is important to be able to take constructive criticism and keep telling yourself that they are just trying to help. If the criticism is destructive, oversensitivity can worsen the effect. Don't be too hard on yourself. If someone is hurting your feelings speak up. Build self confidence in yourself by standing up when you feel pushed, threatened, or hurt.

Q2. Am I hearing what I want to hear?

At times people may say things that sound harsher than what they meant, however all you hear is something incredibly cruel. Constantly hearing negative things can be harmful to your self-esteem. If you are in doubt, ask the person to clarify their statement before reacting unnecessarily. Ask them what they meant by what they said. Most likely, they mean no harm to you and you may be overreacting.

Q3. Is oversensitivity affecting my relationship?

If you have ever been in an argument with a partner, you know that people sometimes say things in anger that they don't mean. Try hard not to take these words to heart, or to stew over the feelings. Overanalyzing an argument can cause you stress. If you are hurt, try to think of a meaningful way to get your feelings across that doesn't raise the already high emotions in an argument. Calm yourself by breathing deeply and avoiding replaying the words in your head. When you are calm enough, speak from your heart how you feel. At the end of the day, if your partner has been hurting you constantly, it might be time for a change to save your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Q4. Is the world out to get me?

No, the world is not out to get you and as harsh as it may sound, you are not always the center of attention. Just think: Are they talking about me? Is this person going through something that is making them angry today? Does this person have something against an aspect of me that I can't control? If you are constantly expecting people to criticize you, you are paranoid and waiting for the attack. If you are strong and confident on yourself, you won't be paranoid. Be yourself, be confident and keep your head up. You need to be comfortable in your own skin.

Q5. Can I control what people say?
The answer in a simple way is no. Live by this code: "I can't control what people say about me, but I can control how their comments make me feel." Take control of your emotions before they take control of you. You are stronger than their words, always remember that. Instead of letting comments get to you so easily, sing your own praises to yourself. Be your biggest fan. Being in control of your feelings and knowing how you will react to criticism is part of self-confidence.

Q6. Is my self-esteem too low?

Low self-esteem can be at the center of your oversensitivity and is the common vein in all of the above questions. As previously stated, confidence, confidence! When your self-esteem is low, every comment stings and it will only get worse until you get a firm hold on yourself. When you are confident, small comments roll off your back. When you have a healthy self-esteem, you may even have the confidence to ask politely, "Excuse me?" giving your potential attacker a chance to reassess their criticism. Evaluate your self-esteem and take a look within yourself to answer these questions. How you perceive criticism and whatever feelings you get from those around you can be constructed strictly in your head. It all depends on how much you trust yourself to believe in the fact that you are a strong, beautiful and confident woman.

Note: If you feel like you cannot control your oversensitivity and that it is affecting your life, you need to speak with a professional. These feelings can lead to extremely low self-esteem and even depression. Please take steps to empower yourself!

First published May 2010

You Glow, Girl: 5 Skin-Saving Tips for Radiant Skin

2010-05-01T08:01:00.000-07:00

By: Christina Mason

After a cold season of tights, boots, and long sleeves, your skin may be looking lackluster as you begin to strut in leg-baring dresses and gladiator sandals. Expensive spa sessions and makeup can give you a temporary or faux glow. For lasting results, look to natural ingredients you may already have in your kitchen. To help you achieve that glowing skin just before the summer approaches, indulge your body in these budget-friendly radiance remedies.

Eliminate Puffy Eyes
Before you wash your face in the mornings, use a cue tip to lightly dab a very small amount of aloe vera gel (revered for its healing, anti-inflammatory, and cooling properties) over your eyes. Leave the gel on your eyes for five to ten minutes and then wash your face with your regular cleanser. You will you feel instantly refreshed and your eyes will look brighter and more youthful. The late-night puffiness around your eyes will begin to disappear. Good morning, Sunshine!

Banish Rough Skin
To remedy dry and cracked skin, formulate your own brown sugar scrub body treatment. The natural glycolic acid found in sugar works to gently slough off dead skin cells to reveal brighter skin. To make your own brown sugar scrub, you will need: 1 cup of brown sugar, ½ cup of sweet almond or olive oil, and a lid container. You can add a few drops of essential oil to give your sugar scrub a personal fragrance. Mix ingredients together until you get a smooth consistency and gently massage your sugar scrub to dampened skin. To lock in moisture, towel-pat dry and apply your lotion while your skin is slightly damp.

Chill Out
When it's hot outside and your fan is not cutting it, cool off with your essential beauty products. Leave your face and body lotions in the refrigerator overnight, and apply it to your skin in the morning or in the middle of the day. If you want an extra beauty boost, combine your favorite light oils- coconut, jojoba, and sesame oil- with aloe vera gel and mix it in your lotions before you put them in the fridge. Your skin will appreciate the smooth and cooling sensations away from the summer heat.

Protect Your Skin
Save your skin from damaging sun rays with a generous amount of sunscreen. Nothing can wreak havoc on your skin like sun damage. Don't go outside unless you have slathered on a sun protectant, on all exposed areas. A quality sunscreen will have ingredients that can filter both UV and UVA rays. When purchasing a sunscreen ask yourself how long it would take for you to turn red in the sun without sun protection. For example, if it would take you ten minutes, a sunscreen with SPF 15 may allow you to stay in the sun for 150 minutes without getting burned. However, even if you use sunscreen, try to chill in the shade for most of the day and feel fabulous in a big floppy hat for maximum skin protection.

Get Fully Hydrated
Glow from within by making sure you drink 8-12 glasses of water every day. If you are addicted to iced lattes and carbonated drinks, learn to have them in a healthy moderation. Without a daily adequate intake of water each day, you cannot achieve glowing skin. If you feel bored drinking water, take a break with chilled green tea. It is packed with antioxidants and gives you an alternative to sugary drinks. Carry a refillable water bottle with your throughout the day, to keep your skin hydrated and glowing all summer.

First published May 2010

Divorce the Darkness

2010-04-01T08:02:00.000-07:00

By: Laura-Lee Smith

The year is still young and we have succeeded at some resolutions and may still be working on others. For those of us suffering with depression those resolutions seem even farther out of our reach. Bouts of depression can become even more prevalent during the winter months when darkness falls much sooner in the day and even though we are out of the dark months and moving into longer days of sunlight and beautiful weather, depression sufferers still cling to the dark mood that go hand in hand with the disease. That feeling of overwhelming, suffocating sadness that makes you feel heavy and hopeless is a feeling that depression sufferers are familiar with, and after getting over that first hump with the right medication that feeling is hard to separate from - but on the road to happiness making that break from the dark feelings is imperative to healing.

Despite millions of sufferers, depression is a lonely disease. It has a way of getting inside of you, so far inside that it can physically hurt. You feel isolated from other "normal" people, but in reality you are, in part, doing the isolating. After the medication kicks in and emotions begin to stabilize you often don't know how to feel, so you go with what you're most comfortable with and that is the sadness-the darkness. You wear it like a cloak; you wed yourselves to it because it's all you know. Sometimes, you go with sadness because feeling something is better than feeling nothing depending on what medication you're on. In essence, a sufferer's companion then becomes the dark feelings and before you know it, it has eaten away at any progress you may have gained.

Likewise, people who have suffered a loss or any type of tragedy that has left them with any feelings of anger or pain can empathize with those with depression. Like depression sufferers, some people after suffering a loss may need medication to get past the pain to a place of healing. When you've lost someone close to you or suffered some sort of misfortune or injustice wallowing in the pain of that hurt may seem preferable to moving forward. In both cases, it is moving forward that becomes difficult.

Once you reach that place where you may be ready to heal and have gained some control over the emotions that depression or tragedy brings, the question then becomes "now what?" It is natural for humans to fear the unknown, and for depression sufferers or people who need to get over the pain and anger of a loss, happiness is the unknown. The alternative is staying in a place that is sad and lonely. So are you going to let the fear of the unknown keep you in a state of toxic unhappiness or are you going to take the plunge and divorce the darkness?
When you are standing at that precipice, wondering what your next step is, tempted to let the familiarity of the darkness take you backwards, think of that dark place as a horrible husband or boyfriend. He is toxic, he is controlling, he sucks the fun out of everything, none of your friends like him, and he's never done anything for you. What you need to do is decide that happiness and stability is what you want.

For some, a little extra help is needed. Just like women getting out of a difficult relationship need their friends to lean on, depression sufferers need a little extra support. Don't be afraid to ask for it. Depression and the fundamental problems that may have caused it do not go away because you are taking medication. Therapy is the best course of action, especially when depression sufferers often feel like they are burdening their loved ones with their feelings. Also, remember that finding the right therapist is like finding the perfect pair of jeans. You may have to try again and again to find the right fit for you and when your health, happiness, and future are on the line continuing in the face of frustration is crucial.

The road to healing and happiness needs to be compartmentalized, taken in steps. Happiness is something that you not only have to be open to, but work towards and depression sufferers need to fight a bit harder to reach it. Each day will be made up of tiny battles and even though some of those battles may be lost, when you do find a moment of happiness you'll find the fight was worth it.

The void is too easy and anything that's worth having is going to take work. That search and hope for something better, to be something better is why you go to school, why you leave the house everyday, and why you have to hold your head up. Just remember not to wed the darkness and breathe.

Note: Esteem Yourself articles cannot replace or substitute for the services of trained professionals in any field. Regularly consult a doctor in all matters relating to physical or mental health, particularly concerning any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention. If you are suffering from depression or have symptoms of depression talk to a psychiatrist, a psychologist, or a counselor.

First published April 2010

Nobody's Perfect: Battling Perfectionism

2010-04-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

By: Ansa Edim

Are you unable to be satisfied with anything you do that is less than perfect? Do you believe perfection should be attained at all costs? Taking the saying "There's always room for improvement" too far can be destructive. Taking it too far may erode your self-confidence, self-worth, and leave you feeling not good enough. If you tend to have these feelings of not being good enough, repeat to yourself the mantra of "Nobody's perfect" and follow these simple rules:

Rule #1: Set Realistic Expectations
Setting realistic goals will help to prevent setting yourself up for a fall. Constantly expecting nothing less than perfection leads to never reaching your goals because they are realistically unattainable. For example, if you want go get a good job, don't pressure yourself to become a CEO tomorrow. If you want to get in shape, don't put it on your shoulders to do it by next weekend, because when it does not happen, you will beat yourself up. This leads to feeling incapable of meeting what you perceive as simple goals. You are digging yourself into a hole. You set unrealistic goals, fail to meet them, and reset new goals. Stop. Give yourself some time and credit! Allow yourself to take the time you need in order to accomplish realistic goals and applaud your efforts no matter what.

Rule #2: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
Does every little thing bother you? When completing a task or goal are you tedious and meticulous in making sure you succeed? Do not do this! Perfectionism is self-destructive and can lead to nothing good. Do things to the best of your ability and believe in yourself. Believe that your best is the best. You don't have to be in constant competition with yourself. Striving to be better is healthy. Believing that you are worthless is unhealthy. Strive to be better but never put yourself down. Let things slip through the cracks every once in a while and give yourself a break. Don't strive to be perfect. Breathe, take a step back and look at the big picture.

Rule #3: Failure is Not Personal
Failing at a task is not failing as a person. It is very important to understand that failing at a given task does not make you a failure as a person. You must learn to tell the difference to keep your sanity! If you believe in your self-worth, believe that no one is perfect and love yourself for who you are. Find ways to improve by asking for help and if that doesn't work, just tell yourself "No one is good at everything" and move on without beating yourself up. Realize that not being able to do something perfectly does not make you a failure. Change your attitude from disapproval for what you can't do to reflect appreciation for what you can do.

Rule #5: Relax
You are in control of how you feel about yourself. Because you decide what is good enough for you, stay in control of your emotions when battling perfectionism by taking a break. Stop working for a few minutes or as long as you like to just breathe and think of something else for a while. Get up from your work station and walk away. You will come back with a fresh perspective on things and a relaxed mind that will allow you to take on your task with less pressure on your shoulders.

Rule #6: Perfection is Only a Guideline
As a perfectionist, many factors contribute to the obsessive tendency to not accept anything less than perfect. You must always remind yourself that perfection is a guideline and not a goal. As a guideline, you can strive for it but be sure to understand that there is a possibility that you may not hit the mark and you need to be ok with that. Realize that it's most important to stay positive in your accomplishments. They are, after all, accomplishments!

Note: Esteem Yourself articles cannot replace or substitute for the services of trained professionals in any field. Regularly consult a doctor in all matters relating to physical or mental health, particularly concerning any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention. If you are suffering from depression or have symptoms of depression talk to a psychiatrist, a psychologist, or a counselor.

First published April 2010

Exercise Your Life

2010-04-01T07:57:00.000-07:00

By: Leontine Armstrong

Depression is a major problem for some people and anyone can get it. It's even worse when you don't know how to handle it. There are ways of recognizing it and making an effort to get out of it is important to your well being. Trials and obstacles are a part of life, we must handle them well and have confidence to overcome. One way to overcome sadness and depression is to stay active. Doing something proactively to become yourself again. Although you may feel empty, hollow, meaningless, and lost inside, if you notice you feel this way you are at the beginning of the healing process. Recognizing you are having a problem is extremely important to fixing the problem. This is the first step to overcoming.

What You Can Do For Yourself Physically
Research has proven that there is a correlation between exercise and overcoming depression. Studies have shown that when you exercise your body creates endorphins that assist in the creation of a positive mood. Exercise is important to any part of your life. Exhausting yourself doing something fun and physical such as swimming, cycling, running or just simply walking with your friends will help get your body working to feel better. By engaging in exercise and fun activities you will be making a positive move towards healing yourself.

When you are feeling depressed you may feel like you can't do anything at all. Try working out. Working out will help you build stamina and help you get motivated. Exercise does many things for your well being and here are a few of them:

1. Your energy level increases a great deal when you keep yourself physically active.
2. You will be working off some stress and frustrating emotions that you've built up and haven't let out.
3. You boost your self-esteem because you start to feel good about yourself and what you are doing to cope.
4. Your body's health starts to increase positively because you are using your muscles and your body needs this kind of activity.
5. You may sleep better because you are venting your emotions through your physical activities.
6.You can build a friendship by finding an exercise partner that encourages helps you during your workout. By keeping a close workout buddy you will remain positive and feel great after your workout.

What You Can Do For Yourself Mentally
During depression people think that it is a good thing to make dramatic changes to their lifestyle by dropping or eliminating their workout routine. However, you need to stick to a routine and make sure you continue the routine so that you can keep yourself healthy. Here are some things that you can try:
1. Make some new reliable friends to exercise with.
2. Join an exercise club that might interest you.
3. Try a sport you've never tried before.
4. Make some small exercise goals you can meet.
5. Express your emotions through your sports.
6. Acknowledge and appreciate your body and what you can do with it.

Things You Shouldn't Do
1. Don't over stress your routine workout. Only take it as much as you know you can handle.
2. Don't over load yourself with too much lifting weight or too much cardio.
3. Don't lose touch with close friends and family members , as well as workout buddies. Remember that they are always there for you when you need them.
4. Do not hold your emotions in. Holding your emotions in will only prolong your hurt. Instead you should go exercise to help yourself feel better.
5. Do not completely disconnect yourself from your life and reality. It is important to continue doing your daily activities such as eating healthy, working out and playing sports. It may be painful to try and keep your daily exercise routine, but by continuing them you are establishing a solid foundation to keep your life in control.

Remember
What you do physically may help you overcome mentally. Do an exercise that feels right for you whether you've tried it or not and don't give up on yourself. You will feel great about yourself again and exercise is a major part in helping your life stay on track.

Note: Talk to a psychiatrist and a psychologist so that they can figure out what will continue to help you most through prescriptions and counseling. Please consult your doctor to make sure that what you decide to do concerning any exercise is right for you.

First published April 2010

Gaining Strength

2010-04-01T07:54:00.000-07:00

From: Following the Spiritual Soul series
By: Paula M. Ezop

Life happens to all of us no matter our economic status, age, gender, or race. All of us experience the good times, the bad times, the joyous times, and the sad times. We can't escape life, but we can gain strength from all of our experiences whether they are wonderful joyous moments that we will never forget or challenging and life changing.
There are times when life seems hopeless, times when life takes us to the dark places of fear, regret, and sadness. There are times when we are so scared and so afraid that we don't even want to get out of bed in the morning. The truth is that everyone has had times in their life when things were tough, dismal, heart wrenching, sad, and seemingly hopeless. Everyone has had times when things just didn't work out like they were supposed to. Times when it just seemed like everything went wrong and there may be times when we looked in the mirror and said to ourselves, "My life is a mess."
The good news is that those difficult times don't last forever - because whether you realize it or not - there is always an answer. In the end we are the ones in charge of our destiny. We are the ones who make the decisions. This is where our inner strength steps in. This is where we must make a decision to move forward, to move out of that dark place no matter what it takes. Whether it is reaching out for help, or just admitting that you were wrong and apologizing. Maybe all it will take is saying those three wonderful words, "I love you."
Yes, it is from those times, and those dark places that we find inner strength that we didn't even know we had. Through the trials that we face head on we grow, we gain strength, and we move out of the darkness of fear and into the sunlight of hopefulness. It begins with a whisper, a whisper that comes from within that tells us to, "Be strong. Focus. Find the answer and make it work." That whisper is all that we need to put an end to the fear, the regret, and the sadness. That whisper of determination and strength is our inner spirit speaking to us loud and clear. That small voice - our spirit, gives us the strength to move forward from darkness into the light.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "I gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which I must stop and look fear in the face…I say to myself, I've lived through this and can take the next thing that comes along." Imagine that, Eleanor Roosevelt knew those dark places of fear. She knew that she had to look fear right in the face. She knew that she had to hear that whisper of hope, and tell herself that she could live through the situation. Not only live through the fear but that she could and would gain strength so that she would be prepared to face whatever life brought her way in the future. Yes, the wife of the President of the United States gained inner strength, courage, and confidence each time she faced fear…
So the next time you are afraid. The next time life seems hopeless, think of Eleanor Roosevelt. Look fear in the face and tell yourself that you can and will live through this…and remember, "I gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which I must stop and look fear in the face…" - Eleanor Roosevelt

Note: Esteem Yourself articles cannot replace or substitute for the services of trained professionals in any field. Regularly consult a doctor in all matters relating to physical or mental health, particularly concerning any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention. If you are suffering from depression or have symptoms of depression talk to a psychiatrist, a psychologist, or a counselor.

First published March 2010

Spring Into Fashion

2010-04-01T07:52:00.000-07:00

By: Celes Tina

Spring is here! The leaves are turning and the weather is warming. There are so many great spring outfits, colors, and trends to brighten your mood and give you the feeling of happiness all over again. Hibernating season is over, come outside dressed to impress!

Spring Body Shape Guides
With spring in the air it can be easy to go for any dress or outfit that seems right for the season. It can be easy to make fashion errors. Before you head to the mall find outfit and dress fit guides that can help you figure out your right body type for dresses, jeans, and shirts. There are so many fit guides and dress guides online and in-store that can assist you in tailoring your outfit to your body shape.

Spring's Pattern Trend
These year's patterns are strong, bold and in your face. When your wearing a bold dress you want to keep everything else simple. Don't combine bold pattern outfits or dresses with wild accessories. Skip the jewelry and stick to wearing your bold patterns with chic one color shoes. When in doubt go with the usual black pumps. If you decide to take any bold actions focus on shoes. For example, if you have a bold patterned dress find the main color in the dress and find the same color shoes. However, be sure to keep the shoes one color. You don't want to over do it.

Spring Colors
Some colors to consider for spring includes yellow, pink, green and purple - all in pastel! Colors in pastel are a must have for this Spring. It's a great way to break the cycle of winter and dive into Spring full on. Look for outfit colors that make you feel confident and chic. Also try Spring's nude trend: wearing light pinks, beige, and caramel colors. It's sophisticated and elegant. These colors can boost you self-esteem and give you a happy, exciting, and empowered feeling. Enjoy them!

Have a style or fashion question? Get an answer click here.

First published April 2010

Lights, Camera, Personal Beauty Satisfaction!

2010-04-01T07:50:00.000-07:00

By: Christina Mason

Every woman has had a person who tries to make us feel insecure, insignificant, or stupid. That person can take the form of magazine ads, coworkers, and even close friends. People who make remarks like, "You should wear your hair straight, you look prettier" or "You can't get a husband with your hair like that", do not appreciate your true beauty. Standout features that go against the beauty standards should be center stage and never behind-the-scenes. How do we get over our fear of the audience and embrace the role we were born to play?

Be Your Own Director
A little over a year ago, Tyra Banks launched the "So what?" campaign after the media went in on some unflattering candid photos taken of her in a bathing suit. Those two small words can make an incredible impact on your attitude: "So what if my hair is frizzy?", "So what if I'm not a size two?" When you say these words aloud, you begin to reclaim a positive attitude. It's psychological empowerment, and it helps you move forward and direct your own scenes.

Write a Script
Do you hear the same negative comments from friends, relatives, or coworkers about your hair or how you choose to dress? Write down any scathing remarks and then craft a response. The next time they mention how your hair will ruin your career, you can calmly reply, "I guess when corporate America made Ursula Stephens the President of Xerox, they thought her short afro was 'unprofessional'." You write the script for your career and edit the negative comments.

Ignore the Critics
Everyone will not agree that you have the best hair, the best voice, etc. Some people choose to stay insecure and tear you down to lift themselves up. The next time you detect someone trying to project their negativity on you, remind yourself that you love what you do, how you look, and you how hard you work. The hilariously honest comedian Kat Williams said it best: "If you have twelve women hatin' on you, figure out how to get to sixteen by the summertime!" Use negativity to give your greatest positive performance.

Stay Positive Behind-the-Scenes
At the end of the day, you choose who you want to be. It's up to you to decide how you react to the negativity of others. Look in the mirror and repeat affirmations. Believe your own hype. Tell yourself who you are and stand by words of self-encouragement. Some may ask, "Who are you to be beautiful, talented, and intelligent?" Who are you not to? You are the star of your own show.

First published April 2010

Successes of the Heart

2010-03-01T10:23:00.000-08:00

By: Paula M. Ezop

Albert Einstein once said, "It is better to believe than to disbelieve; in so doing you bring everything to the realm of possibility." Reflect on his words for a moment, and begin to believe in your dreams, begin to believe in your success, begin to believe that you can reach your goals, begin to believe that you can do what others say is impossible.

Remember, there are no, "buts, or ifs, or even maybes," success will be yours - you can make it happen - enter that realm of possibilities. Don't let anyone take your dream from you. Don't let anyone tell you that you won't succeed.

Just keep listening to that soft and gentle voice that tells you to, "Go for it! Success is right around the corner! Don't give up now! Don't listen to them! Believe you can do it and you will!" Believe in yourself, and "…bring everything into the realm of possibility," that realm of possibility that Albert Einstein spoke about.

You see, life really is all about possibilities. It is about possibilities, hopes, dreams, successes, and even failures. Because even if we fail we can learn from our failures and we can move forward with even more determination.

Life is really filled with all sorts of successes. Some are career oriented, while others are centered on fame and fortune. There are big, huge, gigantic successes. Then there are the medium sized successes leading up to the big, huge, gigantic successes. And, then there are the small, tiny, almost unnoticed successes.

The things that we wouldn't ordinarily put under the category of success - things like succeeding at being a great, loving, kind, and understanding friend, daughter, or mother. Or, how about succeeding at helping others by being compassionate and caring towards strangers? What about succeeding at turning your life around after you've made some horrible choices? What about the success of being a forgiving person? We don't normally think of these as successes but they are - they are successes of the heart, successes of the soul…the best kind of successes. And, you have to believe in yourself and others in order to have successes of the heart.

So, you see we are all successful in so many ways. Ways that we should be proud of, heartfelt success that fills our lives with smiles, giggles, hugs, warm thoughts and feelings. Our friendships and relationships succeed because of who we are inside, not what we've accomplished in our lives but in the lives of others. How we've succeeded in touching their hearts and souls…

Those big, huge, gigantic successes, those medium sized successes, and those small, tiny, almost unnoticed successes are important. But not as important as the successes of the heart, for without the successes of the heart our lives would be empty…and the realm of possibilities would be a lonely place.

Let's celebrate and believe in our successes of the heart, for they are what will lead the way to that big, huge, gigantic success that you dream about.

First published March 2010

Are You Green With Envy?

2010-03-01T10:22:00.000-08:00

By: Ansa Edim

Have you ever been jealous of a friend? Do you dwell on envy or jealousy instead of focusing on your own life? Jealousy may be a natural emotion for many of us, but when you focus on the success of your peers too much; it becomes obsessive and detrimental to how you value your own life.

A good illustration is the movie "Envy". In the movie, Tim and Nick are best friends, co-workers and neighbors. When Nick invents something that makes him rich, Tim is extremely jealous. He devotes his time trying to undermine Nick's success. Meanwhile, while Nick and his wife are enjoying their new riches and happiness, Tim's relationship with his wife and family is falling apart. He can't concentrate on anything but his neighbor's success, and consequentially, his own life is falling apart. This is an example of how uncontrolled jealousy can be detrimental to your health, life, and happiness.

Concentrate On Your Emotions
What is causing your jealousy or envy? Why are you jealous? It is likely that a lack of self-confidence is the source behind your envy. Step back and take a look at your own feelings. If you are insecure, the lives of other people may seem glamorous when you feel you have nothing to brag about. Remember that while you're angry at something someone else has, the reverse may be true: there may be people who covet something you have!

Channel Your Jealousy
Instead of wallowing in jealousy or envy, use your friend's success as inspiration to create your own! Use your jealousy as motivation to move you into action. If you're jealous of a fit person, begin an exercise routine. If you're jealous of a coworker who was recently promoted, ask your supervisor what you can do to get promoted as well and work towards that goal. You, too, can be moving up the career ladder, but you have to be open to change and constructive criticism.

Count Your Blessings
Envy is shallowness. You're focusing too much on material things rather than the quality of your life in other terms. Think rich not wealthy. When you're wealthy, you have a lot of money. When you're rich, you're rich in many other things: relationships, family, career, quality of life, and the list can go on and on. Think of what you have to be happy about instead of what others have. You will be surprised at how many blessings you can count!

Think of The Negative Side
Envy is painful, self-destructive, and self-inflicted. No one can make you jealous; you are the one who thinks jealously. As mentioned above, try to ignore those envious tendencies and focus more on your own life and success stories. Envy is definitely self-destructive. You may become obsessive, following the progress of and living vicariously through someone else. You have your own life to live, so stay positive!

You Are Unique
Admiration does not have to mean envy. Instead of wishing you were in their position, be happy for them. Say "Good for you!" and move on. Don't live in constant comparison with others. Don't compare yourself or your achievements, don't judge yourself that way. You are different and no one should be compared to you. You cannot be someone else; you can only be yourself. So work on being the best "you" that you can be! Cherish your individuality. Remember that, people will always have you will want, but focusing on that want can bring you down. Instead, focus on your personal strengths. Focus on your own goals, ambitions, and dreams.

First published March 2010

Safety For Your Workout

2010-03-01T10:19:00.000-08:00

By: Leontine Armstrong

Making smart choices in your daily activities will help you in the long run when you plan
your workout. There are several actions you can take to make your workout better and safer for yourself.

Water
Drink plenty of water. The more water you drink, the better hydrated you will be. By drinking more water you will decrease the possibilities of overheating and losing too much water as you sweat. Hydration must be taken seriously because lack of water can cause severe damage to your body as it is deprived of this necessary substance.
A little known fact about water is that it can assist you in dropping those couple of pounds you're aiming at losing. When you consistently drink a lot of water you are actually giving your body energy for momentary exertions, as well as for the workout you're going to be doing. You will feel less light headed and have more of an active role in working out if you keep water with you and drink it when you need it.

Food
Eating healthy meals and snacks will give you energy for your exercise ventures. Keep protein bars or diet bars with you so that when you feel a small decline in your energy level you will be recharged. Protein rebuilds the muscle you use while working out. If you eat protein bars you will be assisting yourself both during and after your workout. You will feel better after you eat because your body is straining and needs the necessary fuel.

Vitamins & Minerals
Every single person on this planet should be taking vitamins and minerals so as to prolong their health. There are many different vitamins being produced both naturally through food and medicinally for additional health assistance. You and your doctor have the choice of which vitamins and minerals you need to improve your workout, health and well being.

Equipment
Having the proper apparel for working out is very important to the positions your body will be in. Tennis shoes are good for your feet because they are built to hold your weight. A big no-no for exercising is to wear jeans and regular shoes. These items are not created for the working out process. Try wearing lose fitting and comfortable clothing such as sweats, a t-shirt, sports bra, and tennis shoes. When you are working your body hard you want to make sure that you are ready for it. Limiting your body movement will only hurt you. So be prepared by wearing the right clothing.

Note: Most importantly, you should be aware of your body and its limits. Do not attempt to do anything that is out of your personal control and safety. Pay attention to your body and what its reactions are to the exercises you perform.

First published March 2010

March Out Of Winter & Into Spring

2010-03-01T10:17:00.000-08:00

By: Laura-Lee Smith

Many of us were beyond over winter and more than ready for spring after the blizzard of '09 ended and two months later snow-mageddon 2010 hit the east coast. Fortunately, we only have a few more weeks to soldier through blistering cold weather and unflattering winter coats before we can break out the flip-flops and spring cardigans. Unfortunately we aren't there yet; we may already be carrying the extra spoils of winter on our bodies, and we may feel as though we've awoken from a long uncomfortable nap. We not only have to deal with inclement weather and unflattering gear, but dry skin, a loss of Vitamin D from shorter days, the desire to stay indoors and hibernate, and a few extra pounds. Many of us just commit ourselves to being miserable because, lets face it, that's what winter is, but here are a few helpful tips to not only combat the last few weeks of winter, but prime ourselves for an active and happy spring.

Winter Tip #1 Play the party planner. Give some of your closest girlfriends a call, urge them to get a babysitter and have a dinner party. Cook some hearty cold weather dishes; maybe try out a few new recipes on your friends. Or try getting dressed up, ditch the boyfriends or husbands, find a local watering hole or your favorite restaurant, and have a night out with the girls.

Winter Tip #2 Remember to pamper your self in preparation for spring. There will be winter days when going outside is so not going to happen. Instead, stock up on masks, lotions, exfoliators, bath salts or bubbles, and have a spa day at home. Skin can become especially problematic in the winter and keeping on top of a skin regiment, most importantly exfoliating and a nice, thick moisturizer is extra important. Grab your favorite book, your most unsexy flannel pajamas, slather some avocado paste on your face, and curl up. Not only will you relax, but you'll be prepping your skin for those cute spring dresses we're all dreaming about.

Winter Tip #3 Take yourself out on a date. Find your favorite restaurant, plop yourself down at the bar, have a glass of red and some alone time. A good meal and a little self-indulgence goes a long way to battle the winter weather. Also, it's always a boost of self-confidence sitting by yourself with only your thoughts as company without any armor.

Winter Tip #4 Make a list of all the fun activities you want to do when the temperature goes up. It will not only motivate you to get yourself ready for whatever is on your list, maybe a beach trip or a marathon, but it will also get you revved up and excited for spring. After the beating we got on the east coast, we need something to look forward to.

Winter Tip #5 Get moving. You might ask yourself what the point of forcing yourself out of the warm confines of your home is. Staying indoors may make you feel disconnected from the world as well as set you in a pattern that might be difficult to break on that first beautiful day. The best way to combat it is to meet the world head on, cold or not.

It's hard to leave the house when the wind is howling outside and you can feel the cold down to your bones, but with a big sigh we get out of bed every morning, put clothes on and head out to work. So why not battle the winter weather for something a little more fun? It's been a long winter and many of us still have piles of snow on the ground to prove it, but making the effort to live when most mammals are hibernating will help you march out of winter and happily into spring.

First published March 2010

Balancing Act: Getting the Right Amount of Protein & Moisture

2010-03-01T10:12:00.000-08:00

By: Christina Mason

Your hair may be fighting the common hair cold right now- dryness, breakage, and dullness- due to the harsh weather. Despite taking your medication (i.e. wearing protective styles, moisture -sealing your ends, increasing your water intake), the state of your hair may still be less than stellar. Diagnosis? You may not be getting the right balance of protein and moisture in your hair. When the moisture and protein levels in your hair are in sync, you will notice less breakage, length retention, and an overall increase in the health of your hair.

Your hair needs a balance of protein and moisture to thrive. Like a woman walking a tightrope, balance is crucial. It can also be difficult to find what works best for you without taking a misstep. The protein and moisture balance in your hair can be affected by different factors including genetics, dietary intake, medication, hormones, and so on. Not all heads are created equal. The perfect balance for you will be based on the unique needs of your own hair.

Most people can determine their hair needs based on how it feels, looks, and responds to tension. If your hair is either gummy, mushy, or has a weak elasticity, then you may need more protein. Hair that has the right amount of protein level absorbs moisture more efficiently, and helps retain a healthy balance of moisture in your hair. Moisture is important to your hair for two reasons. It gives hair its softness and elasticity. Products with humectants, a substance that attracts moisture from the air, provide additional moisturizing benefits.

If your hair is hard, rough, or brittle you may need a deep conditioning treatment. This will help you restore softness to your hair and smooth your cuticle, the outermost layer of your hair strand. When applying a deep conditioning treatment, try to use a conditioner that is water-based and contains at least one humectant. Any product that lists humectants- propylene glycol, honey, glycerin- and water at the top of their ingredient list will work best to help your hair stay soft and moisturized.

The weather can be very dry in the winter. If there is no moisture in the air, humectants pull in moisture from the hair strand, leaving your hair feeling dry, negating your moisturizing efforts. In the winter, apply water and humectants-based products to your hair before you shower. The humectants will pull in the moisture from the shower steam. This will help keep your hair moisturized well into the end of the next day.

Protein provides a balance to the softness of your hair by giving it strength. Hair is made up of keratin, a type of protein that makes up most of your hair. Ladies who dye their hair or wear a relaxer require more protein in their hair than others. Due to the chemical nature of the relaxing and coloring process, bonds are broken down within the hair shaft. This makes the hair weaker and more prone to extreme breakage. Protein treatments help counteract this effect by restructuring the broken bonds in the hair and aiding in the retention of moisture.

If your hair is free of chemicals or processing treatments, you hair can still become weak from excessive brushing or daily heat styling. A protein treatment will strengthen your strands, but you must always balance a protein treatment with a deep conditioning treatment. There's a common misconception that any amount of protein will harden your hair and cause it to break off. This generally happens when you don't immediately follow a protein treatment with a deep conditioning treatment, or if you apply a protein treatment too often. Use your best judgment and assess your hair based on its condition, not on someone else's hair care routine.

Moisture and protein act as different agents in the health of your hair. While both provide the hair with excellent health benefits, an imbalance of the two can result in dry, lifeless hair. Determine what your hair is lacking by evaluating the look, feel, and elasticity of the hair, and treat your hair accordingly. When you evaluate your own hair, you can decide if it is moisture-starved or protein deprived, and learn what a balanced head of hair means to you. Once you find the right amount of protein and moisture balance that works for your hair, your hair will be in optimum shape just in time for spring!

First published March 2010

Fall In Love With You

2010-02-01T08:15:00.000-08:00

By: Ansa Edim

We often times have significant others whom we depend on as an affirmation of our beauty, our intelligence, and at times even our usefulness. If that person leaves, even temporarily, we may feel lost and unable to find confidence in ourselves until someone else comes along to reaffirm us. Yes, other people are very important to your self-esteem, and a person's self-esteem and confidence can be gained through other peoples' praise. Through negative or positive feedback, you can excel or falter in life. However, relying solely on one person to build your self-esteem is unhealthy and can be dangerous. If you depend on one person for validation, that person can help you build your confidence and also help destroy it. If someone can bring you love, they can also take it away. Whether they're helping or hindering your self-esteem, constant dependency from anyone other than yourself is unnecessary; for you alone can build your self-esteem. Remember, you are in control of you. Your self-esteem should be based on how you feel about yourself, not what others think of you. Confidence comes from within. Beauty comes from within. Self-esteem comes from within. Love comes from within. Escape the need to depend on validation from others. Learn how to strengthen yourself from within.

Confidence
Think of ways to build your confidence. Take a public speaking class or dance class. Take up a sport. Make a list of things you want to do. Do something outside of your regular activity. Be wild and bold. Step outside of your shell. Do things that will take you out of your comfort zone. Do something that you never thought you could do before. Instill confidence within yourself. Don't borrow it from your significant other.

Beauty
Get a makeover with the girls! Take time out to treat yourself. Go to a local makeup counter with your girlfriends and get your make up, hair, and nails done. Go to the spa! Also remember that beauty is on the inside. Your skills, talents, personality and traits among many other components are what make you beautiful. They make you YOU. You may not be able to control outer beauty, however inner beauty is completely in your hands.

Self-esteem
How can you build your self-esteem? First, find out why you have low self-esteem. Low self-esteem leads to thoughts of "I don't deserve that", "everything is too good for me", or "I'm not worthy". Take steps to build your self-esteem. When you look to someone else for self-esteem, they are in control of how you feel about yourself. If you already have high self-esteem, negative influences will bounce right off of you. When someone tries to belittle you, it's not going to work. Think to yourself, "I don't need that person to validate me." Self-esteem is important because it encompasses self-confidence, beauty, and love.

Love
You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else or before anyone can love you. If you don't, their love will go away one day and you will be left empty without it. If you're left with no love, what are you going to do? You're going to keep looking for the rest of your life without true satisfaction. You will never be complete until you find yourself - until you're able to say to yourself "I love you." You have to find true love inside yourself. No matter who comes and goes in your life, you will always be the constant. Although relationships without self-love sometimes make it, nevertheless in order to feel complete love you have to love yourself first. Once you are able to tell what real love is, you will be able to determine when someone else's affections for you are real or fake.

Confidence, beauty, self-esteem and love are four important parts of your well-being. These fundamental elements are going to assist you in building true love within. Without a firm grip, if your love leaves, you are back again at square one. You want to be able to find true love through your own self. Once you can find true love, you can give it. Learn to be happy by yourself. You need to learn to be stable without having someone to lean on. You cannot create happiness through someone else. You have to create it within yourself and promote it through yourself.

First published February 2010

True Love Starts With You

2010-02-01T08:07:00.000-08:00

By: Laura-Lee Smith

On an episode of Sex and the City Carrie ranted to Charlotte that, "If you are single, after graduation, there isn't one occasion where people celebrate you." She may have made a few missteps in her fictional life, but Ms. Carrie Bradshaw had a point. At a certain age being single can feel like a blow to your self esteem and Valentine's Day just highlights the fact that you haven't made the same life choices as others. Now here comes Ms. Bradshaw's second jewel of wisdom. At the end of that same episode Carrie decides to marry herself and registers for one pair of Jimmy Choos. Her point is you do have that special someone and you'd be wise to remember it on Valentine's Day. Grab a mirror and take a good hard look because you are that special someone. This Valentine's Day, instead of drowning your sorrows in Ben and Jerry's, try rekindling the romance…with yourself.

Single women have never been the loudest cheerleaders for the day that has become a day for lovers. There are endless movies, even parties you can attend that defy the fact that we don't have that "special someone." None of that defiance masks the fact that this particular holiday wrecks havoc on the single woman with low self esteem. Suddenly every flaw becomes magnified as a reason we are alone, bringing us back to one glaring truth. You don't love yourself the way you should, because for some, there is more to having a positive relationship with yourself than buying yourself or registering for a new pair of Jimmy Choos.

The first important step to rekindling a more healthy relationship with yourself is forgiveness. It's a strange idea, but we get down on ourselves for letting ourselves gain 20 pounds or giving up on our dreams or giving up on our self image and we end up punishing ourselves by not believing we deserve anything more than what we have. So, forgive yourself for all that you've done to stand in your own way, and all that you've done to prevent true happiness within yourself. Remember that it is ultimately up to you to accept your life as it is or to change it. You have the power to embrace every positive aspect of yourself and to accept every flaw, change what you can, and above all, love yourself regardless. Forgiveness frees us and opens us up to new possibilities including looking at ourselves in a new light.

Looking at yourself in a new way, for the sake of Valentine's Day could mean treating yourself like that prince charming you may or may not still believe in. This guy saw every good thing about you and reflected those things back at you. But the thing is, if you have a healthy relationship with yourself, you do not need another person to do that. You know what you have to offer because no one knows you better than you and if you aren't sure, it's time to take steps to figure out what you're made of.

Remember, before that "someone special" comes along to sweep you off your feet we need to learn to love ourselves first. The relationship you have with yourself will be the longest and most important relationship you will ever have. So, this Valentine's day, instead of tearing up paper hearts, dressing all in black, and shooting poison laced darts at cupid remember that at the heart of it, Valentine's day is about love. Any kind, every kind, and the most important kind begins with you.

First published February 2010

Romancing Your Kitchen

2010-02-01T08:06:00.000-08:00

By: Mehan Dossani

"Cooking is like love, it should be entered into with abandon, or not at all" Harriet Van Horne

As winter settles in and makes itself comfortable and we start spending more time in our warm homes than out in our cold yards. Although we spend more time in our homes, our kitchen often feels neglected and most of our time is spent in front of the TV. Turn off the TV and walk over to your kitchen. Give it a good, long look. What do you see? Do you see something you love? Do you see a place where you long to be? Do you see a place where your family can have fun, can spend quality time together? Do you see a place where memories can be made? Or is it just the room that everyone travels through. The place where mail gets dropped, the place the dog gets fed, the place where take-out is thrown on the counter, and the place where microwave meals are heated up? If you find yourself answering "yes" to the latter descriptions you may need a new crush. You may need to start flirting with your kitchen. You need to romance your kitchen, rekindle a love for recipes. Make it the place where love is created, shared and savored.

"There is no love sincerer than the love of food" George Bernard Shaw

No matter how small your kitchen, how humble your accessories, or outdated your appliances, anyone can create delicious food with what they have on hand. However, sometimes it takes a little new addition to entice us. Go out and buy a new pasta strainer, a cookie cutter, a new chef's knife, some bowls with a fantastic pattern, something new and exciting that you'll want to put to use. Reconnect with your kitchen and get inspired. Get cooking! Pull out those dusty cookbooks you've never flipped through or look for those family recipes your mother once gave you. Call up your mother, your friend, your aunt, who made a dish you always loved, and ask for the recipe. Peruse beautiful food photography on your favorite recipe website to spark some creativity. Get those culinary juices flowing! There is nothing quite as satisfying as washing and chopping vegetables, stirring a sauce, roasting a chicken and having everything come together as a meal you can sit down and enjoy with your own thoughts, or over great conversation with those you love. Don't ruin a home cooked meal by eating it in front of the TV. Savor each bite slowly, reminding yourself of the effort you put into the food, you'll absorb the love and finish your meal feeling incredibly satisfied. When you have a healthy relationship with food and an engaging relationship with your kitchen nothing but good things will come.

"There is no sight on earth more appealing than the sight of a woman making dinner for someone she loves" Thomas Wolfe

You may think that to be an old fashioned quote, but this month, as you perhaps think of a way in which you can show someone how much you care for them, what better way than preparing something special in the kitchen. Forget the candy hearts, the boxed chocolates or the cupcakes with red and pink frosting. Bake something from scratch in your kitchen! It's begging for you to dance with it and start a love affair. All it takes is some flour, some eggs, some butter and some sugar and chances are you can bake something unique. It's not suppose to look like it stepped out of a bakery, it's suppose to look homemade and only then can it truly say "I love you". And don't think you need another person in your life to express your love by way of your kitchen. Show yourself some love and bake yourself some cookies (after all, one is never truly alone in the kitchen). Your kitchen is yours, it's your family's, it's there for you to enjoy.

First published February 2010

The Happier and Healthier You

2010-02-01T08:05:00.000-08:00

By: Leontine Armstrong

Your overall health is important to the longevity and happiness of your life. Keep yourself and your body happy and you will be ready for anything. Being happy with who you are inside and out is key to a fulfilling life. If you are not happy with yourself in any way seek for self confidence improvement. Self confidence and esteem is very important to your happiness. Being self confident in yourself can literally improve your mood, day, life, attitude, and much more.

Being healthy should be very important to all of us. Gaining a healthy lifestyle and maintaining it is just as important too. Try focusing on what makes you feel good about yourself and keep that in mind whenever you are doubting yourself or are feeling down. Don't concentrate on what others think of you to determine how you feel about yourself. Also, remember that it is you who should care most about what you do with your body and life. Keep your self-confidence shining in your life. There are many ways to boost your self confidence. However, you have to realize the importance of self confidence.

- Think about how you feel when you are confident about yourself.
- Think about the long term affects of your self confidence.
- Think about why you are building self confident and hold onto that key idea.
- Think about what gives you confidence.
- Think about how you can utilize your confidence so that it reflects in your everyday life.

Your mental health is important as well as your physical health. So, why is it important to be mentally healthy in order to improve your physical health? Well, your mind determines how your body reacts to different things. Sometimes the body is strong while the mind needs to catch up by preparing itself for an activity. The mind needs:

- Sleep
- Rest
- Relaxation
- Constant stimulation

Sleep is necessary for your body and mind to function. Sleep should be a priority because your mind and body need to reboot. We need to pay attention to what condition our minds are in before we attempt to do anything mental or physical. It is important to make sure that when we get stressed we find some way to relax. Such as exercising by running, walking, jogging, swimming, or anything else recreational. Stress can have many negative impacts on the body, so make sure that your mind is just as healthy as your body. This is important for an overall synchronization of your lifestyle.

Just as your body gets tired, your mind gets tired too. Relaxation is important for each and every exercise you put your body through. Hopefully you can see now why exercise for your mind and body is so important to the overall you. You should love yourself for who you are because you are unique and wonderful in your own way. Loving yourself also includes keeping yourself healthy. Keeping yourself healthy will make you happier than you would have ever expected. So why wouldn't you want to keep yourself happy.

First published February 2010

Adoring Your Curls

2010-02-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

By: Christina Keys

Valentine's Day is approaching, and before you indulge yourself in chocolates, heart-shaped cards, and flowers sent to you (or from you), remember everything in your life that brings you love and gives you love. On that list should be all of your gorgeous features-including your hair. Winter can be particularly cruel on curly hair, making you feel frustrated and anxious for a flat iron. However, appreciating your curls is in full demand this Valentine's Day. Here are just a few reasons to remind you why each curl on your head deserves a love letter.

You Stand Out
Curly hair is unique and garners attention and compliments from family, friends, and even strangers. Naturally straight hair is fabulous, but can seem like the staple style in everything from movies to magazines. Even if a curly-haired girl arrives on the scene, your curly hair is only part of spectrum of highly-textured hair types. Like vintage couture, your curls are one-of-a-kind.

Endless Styling Options
Limitless styles and highly-textured hair will never be mutually exclusive. Your hair has the ability to transform into styles that aren't so easily achieved with straighter locks. You can wear braids, twists, locks, cornrows, modern and classic afros, and the list goes on. You can make your hair adaptable to your personality any day of the week. Whether you rock your hair in a bun or in braids, always be sure to keep those fabulous styles moisturized and tension-free on the scalp.

No More Weather Hair Worries
When rain arrives unexpectedly, you aren't running to find shelter or making a make-shift umbrella out of a newspaper or your purse. You can play in the rain without worrying about you kinky hair getting ruined. Even in humidity, you can tie your hair back and let the humidity amplify your curls and get unbelievable volume. Curly girls who don't enjoy frizz or undefined curls can still leave the house and venture into high-humidity weather. Just be sure to apply a silicone-free styling serum on dry hair to keep your curls in sync.

Your Facial Features Pop
Some women with more traditional African features -full lips, broad nose, and high cheekbones- can appear more youthful with curly hair than straight hair. Flat hair can make these facial features seem larger than they actually are, and hide its true beauty. Shorter, tightly curled hair seems to defy gravity when worn out in an Afro style. It "lifts" the face and draws more attention to the eyes and cheekbones.

You Become Healthier
How many times have you heard, "I know I need to go to the gym, but I don't want to mess up my hair"? When you wear your hair curly, you don't have to make the choice of having either a great head of hair or a great body. Let's be honest, your hair needs more than the perfect shampoo and conditioner. To give you hair optimum health, you have to eat right and exercise. When you have naturally curly hair, you no longer worry about your hair "reverting" when you sweat from a work-out. To freshen your curls after the gym, you can water-rinse or cleanse you hair with a sulfate-free shampoo.

You Can Experiment with Color
When you let your natural tresses roam free and treat it with care, you can experiment with more color without worrying about double-processing your hair with chemicals or daily doses of heat. If you apply heat on a daily basis or wear a relaxer, adding another hair-altering chemical like color to the mix can be a recipe for dryness and breakage. Even with chemical-free hair, color can still be damaging. Look for alternative and gentler coloring options like Henna or semi-permanent glosses. Maintain a healthier head of hair with color by putting the relaxer away, and treating your hair with nourishing products formulated for color-treated hair.

You Save Money
Running to the salon every few weeks to tame those "unruly roots" is no longer your concern. Salon chemical and hair straightening services can cost upwards of fifty dollars per visit. Now that you've embraced the beauty of your bouncy ringlets, your wallet is packed with extra cash. Indulge your hair with at-home nourishing treatments using deep conditioners and essential oils.

This Valentine's Day give and receive love. The next time you see a woman with an eye-catching hair style or lustrous curls, give her a compliment. Whether you have a spouse to give you roses or not, give yourself a love letter this month that highlights every feature you love to play up, make your hair one of your favorite features. Whether your hair is short or long, curly or straight, it is beautiful and deserves to feel loved.

First published February 2010

Don't Dream It's Over

2010-01-01T08:02:00.000-08:00

By: Laura-Lee Smith

It's a new year. You are or will be a whole year older. A new spring is approaching, a new summer is looming, a whole new year full of promises. As is tradition, we create a list of things we plan to change, vices to break, and hobbies to pick up. Sometimes we resolve not to make a list to break, but that simply means we have given up and have become complacent with the people we are. Complacency is fine…if you are content and happy with the person you are. However, if you are more than discontent, at a point where you look into the mirror and see a part of yourself that you can't recognize then maybe a list of vices to quit isn't quite the solution. Part of that discontent may come down to the loss of dreams, and New Years is the perfect time to take stock of your life and reclaim your dreams.

When we were young our goals were lofty; our dreams somewhere within the realm of the stars. As we grew older, childhood dreams of ballet slippers and astronaut helmets were traded in for aspirations closer to the ground. We grew older still and suddenly the plans towards that bag-packing trip through Europe or a Pulitzer Prize hit a few snags. Dreams we once had were slowly edged towards the backburner for lack of money, time, and will until the dreams vanish altogether into the realm of 'what if." It is one of the most common reasons why dreams get away from us. To quote John Lennon "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans," and the universe is no friend to assiduously laid out plans. And if life is no friend to dreams, than fear is a downright enemy.

Our mothers used to say you can do anything and be anything you want if you believe in yourself and put your mind to it. At some point we lost faith in our mother's words and stopped believing. Perhaps the world beat it out of us as it does most things that were once innocent, pure, and seemingly untouchable. Whatever the cause, a seed of fear was planted; fear of failure, fear of looking stupid, fear that our dreams are too high for us to reach. That fear and the subsequent inaction it provokes strips something from within us that is vital to our self-esteem. With the loss of dreams, whether it is caused by fear or by life's circumstances, there is a certain loss of self.

The New Year is about looking backwards and forwards, enjoying a clean slate, and taking stock of your life. While you take stock remind yourself of the person you once were and when you are writing your list for a new you, ask yourself this, "What kind of person do I want to be?" It is an important question to ask ourselves from time to time. We often confuse what we do with who we are, but who we are will determine what we do and how happy you will be while you do it. Dreams we once had and may still have go far beyond what you want to do. Your self-esteem is at stake, your very happiness and well-being and identity is on the line and New Years allows you to take hold of those faded dreams and run with them.

So run with them. Don't let the fear talk you into believing you can't try to accomplish your dreams. You have already accomplished many feats you once thought you couldn't. Small things like riding a two-wheeler, doing algebra, passing that one killer course in school seemed undoable….until you tried. Reclaim some of that childhood fearlessness and in this New Year reclaim your dreams, create new ones, and remember what your mama said. You can do anything and be anything if you put your mind to it.

First published January 2010

Revamp Your Resolutions

2010-01-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

By: Ansa Edim

While good health is essential, this year, don't forget to resolve to improve yourself in other ways as well! This year, make a resolution to remember what you're good at and to improve upon it. De-stress and de-clutter your life to achieve your ultimate goal of better mental and emotional health. Remember, as the old song goes, you have to "accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, latch on to the affirmative and don't mess with Mr. In-Between."

Accentuate the Positive
Each year, we make a list of things we don't like about ourselves and our lives and make it a goal to fix them as if we are broken and in need of fixing. What's good in your life right now? What do you love about yourself today? This year, make a list of all of the positives aspects of your life and be thankful. Did you achieve something that you didn't think you could? Did you stand up for yourself? Did you catch yourself in the mirror and smile at your beauty and grace? Gratefulness is a year-round comfort and will make you feel full instead of lacking in life. Accentuate the good things that 2009 gave you and continue to work towards these things throughout 2010.

Eliminate the Negative
As a strong and confident woman, you must stay positive and eliminate the negative thoughts that hold you back from truly enjoying life. This year, prepare a mantra: I am beautiful, I am confident, or whatever you want to be. Focus on something that you want to change for the better and stay away from stress. For example, resolving to start getting back to the gym may have a negative effect and lead to a stressful feeling if you are unable to fulfill that promise. Instead, this year resolve to be healthier and take little steps to achieve that goal. Revamp your resolutions this year by taking those that are stressful to complete or remind you of what you perceive as imperfections and resolve to be stronger, healthier, wiser or more confident.

Latch on to the Affirmative
Today, what are you certain of? In times of doubt, latch onto what you know for sure. Things that you can count on will give you comfort in this time of uncertainty. Make a list of things you know for sure that you can count on. Always remember, that you can count on yourself. At the end of the day, you will always have yourself and the love that you give yourself.

Don't Mess With Mister In-Between
Doubt, uncertainty, and insecurity are all things that will hold you back this year if you do not embrace accentuating the positive, eliminating the negative and latching onto the affirmative. "Mister In-Between" can be this state of mind where you are not sure of how beautiful and strong you are. Don't doubt yourself! You are an amazing person! With each doubtful thought you are taking power away from yourself that you have rightly earned and strived for. This is your year, build and strive for empowerment that only you can give yourself. It's up to you to rely on your positive energy. This year, gain control of what you want in life and esteem yourself.

First published January 2010

The New You In 2010

2010-01-01T07:54:00.000-08:00

By: Molly Kukachka

It is January… the time of year you look forward to and dread at the same time. Each time you start to make a new resolve throughout the year, you seem to postpone and decide that starting in January would make more sense. When January rolls around, your resolution list has become quite large and may often seem daunting. Another change we experience with the rotation of the calendar is the annual renewal of hope, the one we are filled with every January first.

We are certain that this is the year and fantasize about all of those things we wish to accomplish, becoming the person we have always dreamed of, getting the job we want, dropping our bad habits and finally transforming into the new and improved self. However, as we look back at the dawning of previous years, we realize that we have had the same aspirations for many years running. January is always started with vigor and energy and ground work, the basic foundation for change, is laid. Time elapses, energy is lost and the comfort of old habits returns followed by the over-used excuse of, "Next year!"

No one has the power to change you, however you can do anything you want if you set your mind on it. Reality television has introduced to the American population that change is possible in many ways, and every day individuals like you and me, are making drastic life changes every day. Visualizing change is a good start at recognizing your goals, however, do not get trapped by the fantasy in your mind. It takes commitment and action to implement a new lifestyle and dreams to become actuality.

Put It In Writing
Having an actual list to look at serves as a reminder and keeps these goals at the forefront of your mind. After the list is made, discern between unrealistic and realistic. Cross off anything that is unrealistic. After you have a reasonable list that you can commit time and energy to, outline each goal further. Break it down into small achievable steps. What can you do on a daily or weekly basis? Are you going to need outside resources in order to accomplish the task (i.e. registering for classes, getting a gym membership, making a food plan, finding a good counselor, finding informational books etc).

Short Term Goals
Make easy to accomplish short term goals that are attainable. Set weekly or monthly goals rather than a hefty long term goal. By breaking your endeavor up into smaller steps, you are rewarded more often which in turn increases dedication. You have already made an outline of how you can accomplish your goals. Now, make a separate list of your smaller weekly/monthly goals and possibly implement a reward system that coordinates with the goal. If your overall goal is to lose 30 pounds, you can make this more realistic by committing to four days of exercise a week (a weekly running goal), losing 5 pounds a month, and rewarding yourself with a massage.

Make A Commitment to Yourself
No one can make you change. If you are responsible and accountable to only yourself, it is easy to slack off. If you have a hard time motivating yourself, there are always ways to turn over some accountability. There are online support systems for almost anything: you can chat or blog daily and have the loose support system by others working at the same goal. If you can find a partner to work on the goal with, you can keep one another accountable and create a social activity out of the goal. Working out with a friend is much more fun and you are more adventurous and willing most of the time. Maybe the two of you would want to try a fitness class or two. It is a lot easier going with someone the first few times for moral support. If you have the financial means, you can receive specialized help with just about anything. When you have a financial investment your level of obligation increases.

Stay Balanced
Do not over do it. In starting something new, it is often exciting and possible for you to give it 110%. Be careful with the amount of energy and time you submit to any one thing. Balance is ultimately the goal. Dedicate a reasonable amount of time and energy to the goal. You want to slowly implement the new task into your everyday life. When talking about dieting and weight, doing too much too soon causes burnout and a quick loss of interest. We call this the yo-yo diet and weight is constantly off and on. Pay attention to your body and your health, and set up a small daily plan that you can stick with for years. If you become overzealous and use the "more is better" tactic, you are setting yourself up for a short-lived pursuit and often times dropping the interest all together.

Stay Positive
Finally, don't beat yourself up. Negativity only leads to failure. If you feel like you have stopped progression and aren't making your short-term goals, relax and revise your plan. When you feel frustrated make a list of the small progress you have made. By replacing negative thoughts with positive, you will avoid hitting the wall. Exercise is a great way to release endorphins (those feel happy little hormones in your body). If you need a quick pick-me up, go for a brisk run and think positive thoughts the whole way. Keep the final goal in sight knowing how accomplished you will feel when you get there.

Stay Strong
In short, it is simple to make changes that will stick. Listen to your intuition: you know what you want and ultimately what is best for you. You also know your limits and capabilities. Put your goals in writing, create a plan of action, set short term goals, find outside support, be reasonable and stay positive if you want 2010 to finally be the year of change.

First published January 2010

Loving Yourself Today

2010-01-01T07:02:00.000-08:00

We sometimes depend so much on how others see us or what others say about us in order to determine who we are or interpret the way we feel about ourselves. Deciding to listen to what others are saying in order to define yourself can be exhausting, results in a negative outcome and destructive to your self-esteem and confidence. Finding who you are should solely depend on you rather then what others may say or think.

Telling people who you are by being just as you are. Loving yourself today starts with you telling the world, "This is me. Take me as I am!".

Appreciate Yourself
Appreciate yourself completely. This includes appreciating your trails and errors. Love yourself just as you are. You have a divine role as a woman. You are a beautiful strong woman. You have been blessed with many talents and gifts. You are a unique individual with so much to give. Love the woman you are today. Be confident in yourself and find ways to express yourself and share you gifts.

Laugh At Yourself
When you think back to something that you did that was embarrassing do you tend to punish yourself? Remember that we all make embarrassing mistakes. We all fall hard at times. It's fine to laugh at yourself, learning is wonderful and embracing your life completely is amazing. Laugh is a great away to let go of issues and problems. It can also be a healing process. Don't take yourself so seriously. Make time to laugh at your struggles and the things that have you have grown from. Enjoy yourself, including the clumsy you.

Comfort Yourself
When your struggling or going through hard times you can learn to encourage yourself of a better tomorrow. Learn to embrace yourself and find power within. Letting other comfort you can work wonders, however, giving yourself a reassurance that it things will work out can really strengthen your esteem and give you power and strength.

Do It Yourself
Don't expect others to do things for you. Be in charge and in control of what happens around you. Take initiative. Take control. Learn to do thing on your own and be empowered buy having the skills to get thing accomplished. Be assertive. Take charge of today and live your better tomorrow.

Back Pat Yourself
When you accomplish or achieve something that you have worked hard for give yourself a big pat on the back. You are a hard worker and you deserve to enjoy success. Go out with a close friend(s) and celebrate your achievements.

Stand for Yourself
When someone is right about something learn to take correction and build yourself. We are all learning each day. Learn to better yourself. However, always stand for your self in dignity. Be firm in who you are and what makes you a strong woman. Don't let others push your around. Stand for what you believe in and what you believe to be right. Don't let anyone else other then yourself determine who you are, who you should be or what you do. You are the only one that can make yourself happy and can keep yourself happy. Be free to choose what you want in your life. No matter what you choose make choices that will lead you to a better future and a better you. Don't settle for less.

Healthier & Happier Hair

2010-01-01T07:00:00.000-08:00

By: Christina Mason

The New Year is your time to shine. Your hair should be no exception. If you need more products just to fake a healthy appearance from split ends, dullness, or limp hair, January may be the perfect time to start over. A healthy hair goal can be achieved if you start with the right plan. Despite most New Year's resolutions being forgotten by the time you celebrate Martin Luther King Jr's Day, achieving healthier hair can be a realistic resolution you can keep.

Trim Your Ends
Get rid of split, frayed, and heat-damaged ends with a professional trim. Your hair cannot look its best when damaged ends are getting all of the attention. A trim can be anywhere from one-fourth of an inch to two inches, depending on the amount of damage. If you are apprehensive about getting a trim, you can do minimal shaping each month. However, eventually all the damaged ends will need to be cut off. Once damaged ends are removed, your hair will instantly look fuller, smoother, and healthier.

Product Overhaul
This is the perfect time to reevaluate your hair product arsenal. Which ones do you use most? Which ones encourage good hair days? Do you switch products according to the season? Categorize your products (shampoos, conditioners, styling crème, etc.) and select one from each that works the best for your hair. The products that you do not select can be given away to friends, thrown out, or saved for the summer time. With a simple selection of tried and true products, your hair can be pampered and nourished with the correct products that work best on your hair.

Increase Your Water Intake
Did you know that most models drink water on a schedule? Water is the ultimate beauty product. Most of us, who strut the streets and not the runway, don't drink enough of it. Typically, to determine how much water your body needs each day, divide your body weight by two. Drink the resulting number in ounces. If your body is dehydrated, then your hair may become dry, brittle, and more prone to breakage. When you commit to drinking more water, your hair will become shinier, grow faster, and it will contribute to your overall health.

Commit to a Hair Care Schedule
Consistently bathe your hair in deep conditioning, hot oil, and protein treatments. Your hair type and needs will determine how often you should do each treatment. There should be a healthy balance of protein and moisture to promote softer and stronger strands. Have a trusted stylist evaluate your hair. He or she will be able to help you commit to a healthy hair care schedule and help decide what healthy hair practices would work best for you.

Handle Hair with Care
Now that you are fully invested into your customized healthy hair journey, be gentle to your strands. Avoid styles that pull at the scalp and edges of your hair. The corners of your eyes should not meet at your scalp line. Instead, style your hair into loose, chic ponytails and buns. Keep hair manipulation low, only using proper combs and brushes sparingly and gently to detangle and style hair. Always moisturize and protect the ends of your hair to minimize split ends. Treat your hair with care, and it will flourish throughout the New Year.

First published January 2010

Christmas & New Year Message: Treasure Yourself As Gold

2009-12-01T08:12:00.000-08:00

From this month through the next coming year, and beyond treasure yourself as gold. For you are. Your are an amazing woman. You have many gifts and talents. You are complete without a car, new clothes, or other individuals. Feel a great sense of love for yourself. This self-love will direct your life and the impact you make towards your future.

Your uniqueness and the blessings you provide to others whether they are seen or unseen are things that set you apart from any other person. You are one in a million. Let this be your guide to how you proceed with your life and a staple to those who know you. Remember that only you can dictate how you are seen, viewed, and treated by others.

This Holiday season take sometime to think about all the wonderful things that you have in your life. Life has it's ups and downs, however, what really matters is what you do with what you have. It is important for you to feel gratitude and joy for what you have today. Without what you have now, you would not be where you are today.

What is it that you want in life? can you live without it? If the answer is truly yes then you have every reason to be grateful for what you have. Whether you are having troubles that surrounds you with hopelessness, joblessness, loneliness, or whether your are feeling unworthy, or grieving over a lost love, look for what you have and appreciate it to the fullest.

There are so many ways that we can feel this gratitude for our blessings, yet at times, we tend to focus on the negatives and feel that all is lost. All is never lost and we can continue to progress and reach our divine potential. Growth and progress is always around the corner. It is up to us to stand firm, press on, and stay determined.

Remember that what matters is not what happens to you but how you react to it. We may have short-comings and we may have times when we feel that we can do better. And we can. However, realizing that you have a mind, and the ability to grow and learn is a great reason to be thankful.

Embrace yourself. Embrace change. Love yourself and look forward to learning and growing.

As you begin to treasure yourself as gold, you will realize that your potential is limitless. Strive to fulfill your dreams and your goals starting from today.

Have A Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year

With all my love,

Chizoma Cluff
Editor-In -Chief
Esteem Yourself

First published December 2009

Self Pride Guide: Own Your Voice

2009-12-01T08:10:00.003-08:00

Series - Article #3
By: Ansa Edim

How do you react when the carpet is pulled from underneath you? What do you do when your foundation is rocked or when you are backed into a corner and you have to react? Suppose you were confronted with an abusive significant other or a friend that treats you badly? When what you have worked hard for falls, be prepared to build it back up. As the saying goes, if you fall off the horse, dust yourself off and get back up again. It may be hard, however, you must pull yourself back up because you deserve better.

There are many instances in life when your foundation is rocked. A heart-breaking relationship, a failed project on the job, or a family crisis can definitely rock your foundation. In these cases, standing firm and knowing what you believe in can be your saving grace. The one person that you can always count on no matter what is yourself. Stand up for yourself.

Your Image
Staying confident and keeping your head up in tough waters is a survival skill. As women, we see images that we will never be like in the media and some of us may find ourselves weakened by what we see. Step back into your own mind, and build from there. It is easy to say "don't let it get to you," but it is imperative to believe you are beautiful just as you are.

Your Relationships
Never put others down while holding yourself up. In relationship situations, it is hard to avoid blaming or criticizing while trying to stand up for what you believe in. Remember, the goal is not to shame your significant other; your intent is to make sure that you don't get trodden on in arguments; however you don't want to victimize the other person either. You are a strong tower and you need to protect your beliefs. In an argument, stand firm, however try to understand where the other person is coming from. Express your feelings and positions with phrases like "I feel", "It hurts when", "It bothers me when". In this case, you're not accusing anyone, but you are clearly getting the point across that you are bothered by something someone is doing to you.

Speak Up
Make it a point to express whenever you are frustrated or hurt by someone. Give them the benefit of the doubt and ask for cooperation or for him to "meet you half way". You deserve respect. If your partner denies you this, you must demand it. Letting things fall by the wayside may seem like a good option for now, but eventually you will be faced with the issue again and your partner will learn to take advantage of your quietness. Do not let offensive behavior continue because you are trying to avoid conflict - this can only hurt you.

Your Voice
You are an incredible individual with a unique personality and set of beliefs. If compromising is impossible, you must move on. You are entitled to your happiness. Don't settle for hurtful behavior for the sake of peace. You may seem peaceful on the outside, but you know on the inside you are a storm of discontent. Strive for understanding always. You have a voice, let it be heard.

First published December 2009

Exercises You Can Do Every Day At Anytime

2009-12-01T08:06:00.000-08:00

By: Leontine Armstrong

Have you ever felt so tired that you couldn't complete your work? Well, we all experience this once in a while. Our energy level drops down for several reasons during the day. We could be tired because we didn't get enough sleep or maybe we could be mentally exhausted. There are a numerous amount of reasons why we may have a loss of energy during the day. There are a couple of exercises you can try during your busy day to get a little boost of energy that may help you last throughout the day. However, don't despair, there are a couple of exercises you can try during your busy day for a little boost of energy. Follow these simple exercise routines to feel that energy.

Hand and Foot Presses
1. As you're sitting at your desk, place both of your feet flat on the ground.
2. Place your hands flat, palms up and underneath the desk.
3. Push your hands upwards while pushing your feet on the ground.
4. Hold for fifteen seconds.
5. Repeat at least three times.

Alternative Foot and Hand Press
1. As you're sitting at your desk, place both of your feet flat on the ground.
2. Place your hands flat, palms down on top of the desk.
3. Push your hands downwards on the desk.
4. Hold for fifteen seconds.
5. Repeat at least three times.

You can do these exercises almost anywhere. These exercises can increase blood flow in your body so that you are revved up and ready to go again. This can also help you concentrate by releasing some of your excess agitation or stress.

Walking The Stairs
Don't take elevators anymore. Try taking the stairs instead! Whether you are only two stories from your desired destination or if you're eight stories away, try taking the stairs. Not only is taking the stairs much faster than elevators, but you can also get a little bit of cardio in your day. During your lunch hour or during a quick errand, the stairs can give you that needed energy. The more you do this, the faster you'll get. Go ahead and try it. No matter how tired you are, you should try taking the stairs. In fact, sometimes the perfect time to push yourself is when you're tired. Trust me, you'll be happy you did every time. However, the times you didn't take the stairs you'll regret it. If you can't walk more than two flights of stairs just yet, go ahead and try to do three flights before you go into the elevator. Push yourself a little each time you take the stairs. Once you are comfortable with this exercise go ahead and try different approaches to stair stepping such as making your pace quicker or making a conscious effort to use every muscle in your leg as you step onto each step.

Parking The Car
Try parking your car farther away from where you normally park. Doing so will force you to walk more and get more cardiovascular endurance into your daily schedule. When you park farther away than usual, you will have no choice but to walk to your car. Think of this as tricking your body with you mind. If you aren't ready to park your car far away, go ahead and park it a little further each time, little by little, so that you are pushing yourself each time. Build up to it.

Why Try These Routines?
This is a great way to break yourself from bad habits of making excuses as to why you can't exercise. Adding in little routines such as these will boost your energy so that you can get through the rest of the day. After a few weeks of doing these simple and effortless exercises you will feel great about taking on challenges both at work and physically!

Note: Before attempting any exercises consult with your physician.

First published December 2009

Spare Your Curls: Product Ingredients to Avoid

2009-12-01T08:05:00.000-08:00

By: Christina Mason

Curly hair has been called many names: beautiful, unique, unkempt, trendy, unprofessional, rebellious, romantic, lustrous, and the list goes on. Within the past five years, major hair companies have realized that curly hair is also very "marketable". They have also found that curly-haired women tend to spend more money on hair products and how could they not? Many hair products marketed for curly hair tend to contain harsh and drying ingredients which leaves the hair thirsty, tangled, and unmanageable.

Curls need products with ingredients that work to achieve moisture, nourishment, cleanliness, and definition. No matter how a hair company markets their product they are legally bound to provide the consumer with a list of all ingredients used in that product. The list of ingredients are listed from greatest to smallest. As you learn to decipher ingredient lists, you can save money by selecting quality products free of some of the common curly hair culprits.

Sulfates
Sulfates are harsh detergents, usually the second or third ingredient used in most shampoos. They effectively cleanse the scalp, but "squeaky clean" hair is not good for coils. Sulfates can strip the hair of it natural oils, drying and tangling hair. Instead of using a sulfate-based shampoo to cleanse your hair, you can use Apple Cider Vinegar (ACV) and baking soda to clarify and remove product buildup. Not only does ACV gently cleanse and clarify, but it also leaves the hair soft and easy to detangle.

Silicones
Silicones are used as a lubricant for the hair. They coat and smooth the hair shaft, making silicones excellent for detangling wet curly hair. Silicones can give the appearance of shiny, healthy curls. However, it can block moisture from reaching the hair shaft, resulting in moisture-starved hair. Instead of using silicones, try looking for products with emollient-heavy oils like avocado or olive. If you have a coarser hair texture and you feel you need silicones for easier detangling, make sure to use water-based silicones that can be washed out easily to avoid buildup.

Alcohol
Any type of grain alcohol, like isopropyl and methanol, is drying for the hair. However, not all alcohols are created equally. Moisturizing alcohols like stearyl and cetyl alcohol should be found at the top hair product labels. They provide weight to curls, without making it greasy and add a nice amount of "slip" for detangling. If the "good" alcohols are not listed near the top of the ingredient list, look for glycerin as a more natural substitute.

Mineral Oil
Mineral oil or petroleum is used as inexpensive filler in many products. It can add a luster to hair, but it acts like a plastic coating on strands. This results in suffocated curls. Also, mineral oil builds on the hair and scalp, attracting dirt and debris throughout the day. To avoid this, use products that list lighter, unrefined oils like jojoba oil to give you a natural shine that won't coat your curls.

Some curly heads suffer from dryness, breakage, or unruliness. As you begin to understand ingredients in the products you buy, you can learn what works best for your curls, and what does not. Of course, no product can substitute the intake of a healthy diet, daily multivitamin, and water. Even if a product is labeled all-natural, it still may not be right for your hair texture. When you listen to your hair and notice what it likes, your curly hair can become synonymous with another word - healthy.

First published December 2009

Trials of Happiness

2009-12-01T08:04:00.000-08:00

Happiness is not always so easy to grasp especially when unhappy times present themselves. However, without knowing what it feels like to have times of sadness, we wouldn't be able to appreciate happiness and embrace life completely. Looking for the good in everything is key to making any obstacle easy whether the moment presents us with a happy or sad face.

Controlling Thoughts/Thinking Happy
A great way to transition from unhappy situations involves self control. Knowing that you can control how you feel about what happens around you. No matter what you may be going through it is crucial to stay focus on positives and happy thoughts. Be optimistic, think of better times, and focus on your blessing and achievement.

Addressing Situations
When you start to dwell on unhappy circumstances you become consumed by the pain, anger or sadness. These feelings can drain you and make you fee unable to assume a happy and joyful life. In turn, you may keep yourself in this state determining that you have no joy that awaits. This frame of mind can hamper your development and keep you from overcoming feelings of sadness. However, addressing the situation immediately and dealing with your feelings will help you move forward.

Reverse Unhappy Thoughts
When you begin to think unhappy thoughts the best step to take is to reverse the thought. For instance, if you are studying for an examination, you might be feeling frightened and nervous. Reverse your thoughts of not doing well by using words of affirmation and control your nerves by practicing calming exercises before you approach the podium.

A Bright Future
Though the present may not seem so blissful it doesn't mean the future will not be. As with any obstacle, they come and go and you gain knowledge and experience. You also become strengthened and gain determination to overcome any obstacle. Think of it this way, the best is yet to come. No matter what you are going through look forward to a bright future.

Overcoming
We all go through obstacles but with determination we overcome. Regardless of what burdens, troubles or worries you face you will have the strength to overcome it. Remember that in addition to steps to happiness and other tools, finding good friends, family members and professionals you can overcome any obstacles. As you grow, sharing it with others will give you an opportunity to help others be strengthened in their adversities and build their confidence.

The Holiday Armistice

2009-11-01T08:42:00.000-08:00

By: Laura-Lee Smith

Halloween is behind us, yet we are still picking candy corn out of our teeth and dipping into the leftovers from the trick or treater's bowl. However the yearly battle has only just begun. We will barely take a breath after waking from the Thanksgiving induced food coma before we dive back into holiday parties, Christmas cookies in the break room, and quick stops to the the local mall gift wrapping centers. Deserts, stuffing, various meats, and side dishes aka "the enemy" are given a ceasefire agreement and become welcome friends, as we take second and third helpings. We are excited about the prospect of overindulging in the foods we deny ourselves the rest of the year and there is the added bonus of hiding our "trouble spots" in bulky sweaters, coats, and winter gear. However, before we know it the first signs of spring stir and we are faced with the spoils of the holiday.

Lets fast forward to early spring. Imagine you are casually waiting in line at the checkout counter, waiting to pay for your various food items -veggies mixed in with ice cream, which you've let slip past your defensive lines because it's been that kind of week. You look up and then you see it. Tucked among the "Jon and Kate drama" and the "What has Lindsey Lohan gotten herself into now" is a glossy magazine cover with those two dreaded words, "bikini season." Enter crash diets, 10 steps to having Megan Fox's body, etc. You'll look at your double stuffed Oreos and think, "I should put these back." But let's be honest, for some of us, those two words kind of make you want to down that whole bag between the grocery store and your house all the more. Then enter stress and plummeting self-esteem. For some of you the war will be won, and maybe that holiday weight will get lost by beach season. However, the cycle begins again as the summer ends and the weather cools down.

The holiday armistice is not about denying yourselves the joys of the holidays. This isn't even about becoming a size 4 and fitting into a bikini. This is about becoming aware of the weight and stress merry-go round we find ourselves on year-round. For the average American, these holiday months have come to mean excess. We tend to overspend and overeat. There is an expectation to stuff your face and the holidays often bring about a certain amount of stress that makes us reach for those snowflake shaped yogurt covered pretzels. Now with our economic climate, this stress is twofold. The holidays can become so chaotic that mindless snacking on all of the treats brought into the break-room is normal. The key word here is mindless, and awareness is the best ammunition and at the very least a foundation for change.

This holiday season here are a few tips to keep the stress levels low and
the weight down.

- Instead of snacking on Terri's homemade Christmas fudge, bring your own healthy snacks to munch on at work.

- Try eating a hearty and healthy meal before taking on the masses of holiday shoppers so you aren't tempted to stop by the food court.

- Among the Christmas ham and turkey add in some healthier side options. Mixing in healthy choices into the holiday dinner spread will make bikini season less shudder-inducing and something to look forward to.

- Holidays are stressful enough, so there is no need to add future financial stress to it by charging gifts you can't afford or feeling guilty for not giving your loved ones the bountiful presents they might have been used to. Only purchase with your debit card or cash. Don't feel guilty. If you don't have the money, you can't afford it. Move on.

- Most importantly, amidst all that hustle and bustle take a moment to breath. Go to the gym for some alone time, yoga, or a moment to meditate in a hot bath. Do something good for your body. Remember yourself not just during the holidays, but all year long.

The holidays will be over before we know it and a new year will be upon us. Instead of resolving to resume our battle against food and become a size 4, we should resolve to be good to our minds, our bodies, and our checkbooks. Sometimes we allow ourselves to let stress pile up, so we should always allow ourselves to indulge. However, as the age old saying goes, "Everything in moderation." Adhering to this saying will make us realize that there is no need for an all-out war against food. Maybe it's time to sign that peace treaty once and for all.

First published November 2009

Your Beauty is Unique

2009-11-01T08:40:00.000-08:00

By: Ansa Edim

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer
than You." - Dr. Seuss

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and dissected every little thing you thought was wrong with you? Have you ever said, "My thighs are too big" or "My arms could jiggle less". Every time you do this, you are taking power from yourself. Don't do this. You are beautiful just as you are. You are the only person on earth like you. You must learn to love yourself just as you are. Negative energy is not good for your self-esteem. You need to be your number one fan. You need to cheer yourself on at all times.

A great way to keep negative thoughts at bay is to empower yourself. Instead of saying "My thighs are too big", say "My thighs are strong". Give the potentially negative a positive spin. Embrace your curves and hips; remember your unique talents and you will be stronger and more powerful for it. There is a saying that truth is beauty. The truth is that you are beautiful. Your beauty is in your unique body type, facial structure, hair, and skin tone. Your entire being is beautiful. It is in the way you walk, talk, and even in the way you dress. Everything that you do that separates you from others should be held at the highest. It makes you different and different is good. Different is unique and uniqueness is beautiful.

What makes you different from everyone else? Are you especially good at organizing? Do you knit, sew, write or design? You can always count on the fact that you can do at least one thing better than anyone else. At least one thing that you do is unique to you. Your skills and talents make you special and unique. These skills make you the individual that you are today.

Every morning, pick something different about your appearance that you like. Try to find something new every day and when you run out of things, start over! Begin your day with an affirmation of beauty, not the opposite. You and only you have the power to lift yourself up again. Always begin your day on a positive note.

Dr. Seuss had it right when he said that no one else on this earth is like you. It is so important today that you understand that your uniqueness is a virtue. You are you. No one is like you. No one is shaped exactly like you. No one is intelligent like you. No one is beautiful like you.

First published November 2009

Good Morning Stretches

2009-11-01T08:09:00.000-08:00

By: Leontine Armstrong

We all want to move around better without having to work hard for it. If you are limited in the amount of time you have in the morning, then you should try a few quick movements that will get you energized for the day! The importance of stretching in order to maintain flexibility is key when warming up your muscles. Second, doing some small and quick exercises in the morning will help strengthen you in the long run. The benefits of stretching are countless. With a few stretching exercises you can be energized for the day. Let's look at a few.

Benefits of Stretching
Muscle relaxation
Flexibility
Better coordination
Lower chance of injury.
Body circulation
Less stress
Mind relaxation
More energy

Stretching Routines
Stomach Stretch:
1. Lie with your stomach on the floor and stretch your legs behind you.
2. Place your hands on the ground and push up so that they are straight.
3. Try to hold it there for 15 seconds so that you get a good stretch.
4. Repeat as many times as needed.

Back Stretch:
1. Lie down with your back on the floor.
2. Put your arms flat on the ground next to your legs and raise your legs towards your head.
3.Touch the floor past your head if you are able to.
4. Hold your legs there for 15 seconds.
5. Repeat as many times as needed.

Leg and Back Stretch:
1. Sit on the floor.
2. Put your legs together in front of you.
3. Stretch your hands towards your toes.
4. Hold your legs there for 15 seconds.
5. Repeat as many times as needed.

Safety Tip: Never bounce when you are stretching. Bouncing will only injure you and can actually rip your muscle in a very bad way. When we do exercises we rip muscle so that we can build muscle. When you exercise you are building muscle and when you are stretching you are stretching your muscles. These are two different parts of an exercise routine and stretching will help lower the risk of tearing your muscles. Hold your stretching position for at least 15 seconds so that you can get a deep stretch before you move on.

Note: Before attempting any exercises consult with your physician.

First published November 2009

Staying Healthy

2009-11-01T08:08:00.000-08:00

By: Mehan Dossani

This season, staying healthy and not falling sick is on many of our minds. As the flu season picks up, colleagues bring colds into the offices and kids bring home germs from school. Knowing how to protect yourself from getting sick is important. The holidays brings busy lives and a lot of heavy, unhealthy eating. Additionally, the cold weather keeps many of us indoors, resulting in less activity during the day. We all need to do our best to keep our immunity strong and there are many ways in which we can do this.

Be Happy
Stress is one of the biggest culprits in weakening your immune response. Try to stay calm and relaxed this winter and holiday season. Don't wear yourself out, get plenty of rest, and stay positive. Spending time with family and friends can boost your mood, so take pleasure in quality time with those you love. Laughter is in fact, the best medicine. Take time to laugh every day, even if it's forced, many believe the simple act will put you in a better mood and boost your immune system. Take time to participate in activities that make you happy, bring out your creative side, and put you in a good mood. Turn off the TV, listen to some calming music, and curl up with your favorite book and a cup of herbal tea. You'll be glad you took a few minutes out for yourself and your immune system will thank you.

Fresh Air
Although the weather is getting colder, fresh air will do wonders for your immune system. Be sure to dress appropriately. In the spring, the weather tends to draw us outdoors, however, during the fall and winter seasons we must remind ourselves to get outdoors. Don't eat your lunch while sitting in front of your computer. Get out of the office for just a few minutes and get some fresh air and movement, which are both great for your immune system. While the sun may not feel strong during the winter, expose yourself to a good healthy dose and your body will be boosted by the Vitamin D. Additionally, many individuals experience a shift in mood in the winter as their bodies become deficient in Serotonin. Serotonin is a chemical that is found in the brain and is integral to a healthy body and its functions. There are many different factors that can affect the levels of serotonin in our bodies, including an increase in stress, lack of sleep, lack of exposure to sunlight, lack of exercise and a poor diet. Getting some fresh air and sun will give your body the opportunity to absorbs Serotonin and can perk up your mood.

Eating Right
Eating healthy is absolutely essential to a strong immune system. Though it can be extremely difficult to avoid sweets and dishes with lots of carbohydrates this time of year, these foods can weaken your immune system. Be sure to eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, which will improve your immune system and help prevent you from getting sick. Vitamin C is a power player in keeping your immune system strong, so eat lots of oranges, grapefruits or pomegranates this season. Dark greens such as spinach and kale, provide essential nutrients such as potassium, calcium and iron. Vegetables such as broccoli are also packed with antioxidants, which are natural cell protectors. Eat lots of lean protein which will also boost your immune system. Drink plenty of water as dehydration can lead to a weak immune system.

Wash Your Hands
Always wash your hands, especially before you eat anything or put anything into your mouth, especially gum. This time of year can be spent in crowded areas such as public transportation, shopping malls or holiday parties. Protect yourself from germs. Keep antibacterial gels in your office, in your purse, and in your car, so you are always ready to try and kill any harmful germs hanging around. As you begin your holiday shopping, keep your hands clean after touching busy doors, merchandise, and even after exchanging money.

You may even benefit from vitamin supplements, just be sure to consult with your doctor before taking any. Staying healthy is one of the most important things you can do for yourself, so try not to overlook simple steps that can keep you healthy.

First published November 2009

Curly Hair Commitment

2009-11-01T08:03:00.000-08:00

By: Christina Mason

Curly hair is a commitment, a long-term relationship. It is more prone to splitting up, as in split ends. It is constantly changing its mood, one day it's a poof, then it's a tangled nightmare. It is hard to keep satisfied, even the most expensive deep conditioners can leave the hair starved for…something. And like a relationship, you have got to invest time and effort into it. Otherwise, you end up resenting your hair, wishing it was something else, and never wanting to deal with it again.

There are somethings we can do to help our hair. Whether your hair is as deceivingly delicate as the tightly coiled or has the loosest curl, there are simple tips to make
your tresses healthier and more manageable. These tips will keep your curly
commitment more romantic than frantic. Even straight-haired ladies can use the tips for a little extra TLC.

Invest In Wide-tooth Combs
Curly hair is exceptionally delicate and easier to snag on almost anything, including grooming tools. The seams on the teeth of plastic combs can cause micro-splits in the hair, making your ends weaker and easier to break off. Stay away from plastic combs. Stick to wooden, wide-tooth combs for easier, snag-free detangling. These combs are inexpensive, found in most drugstores, and a great investment for you curls.

Wear Your Hair Up
Now that winter is almost here and you're pulling out winter fabrics be aware that certain fabrics can damage the ends of your hair. Hair can get caught on cotton and wool coats, causing the ends to break off. When you wear your hair tucked into a chic bun, you keep your hair protected from the winter fabrics and cold weather. To make you and your curly ends happy, wear your hair up. Not only will you avoid damaging hair but you will also have a sophisticated look.

Moisture & Seal
The ends of curly hair are naturally drier than straight hair. It takes longer for the natural oils in our scalp to travel down the entire strand because of the loops it has to follow. Wet the ends of tips at night, applying a moisture-rich product, and "sealing" it with natural oil: jojoba, avocado, or almond. When you "moisture-seal" the hair your curls stay smoother, shinier, and retains growth.

Style Wet Curly Hair
Curly hair is much more pliable and easier to mold into smooth curls when it is wet. Apply product to hair when it at least a little damp. Wait a few minutes to let the product absorb into the hair. Wet styling the hair and letting it dry completely will also help your hairstyle last longer. Consider braiding or twisting your hair. The number or braids and twists you do will depend on how big or small you want your curls. Let your hair air-dry overnight or use low heat on the roots.

Avoid Detangling Disasters
Gently separate the hair into sections, finger-comb the bigger tangles, and then wide-tooth comb, working from the bottom-up. When you practice gentle combing techniques you should notice less hair in the sink and more on your head. This is effective because you will detect fewer knots in your mane and detangling your hair will take less time. This is important because when your curly hair is more manageable, you will have more positive feelings about your curls.

Learning how to treat your curly hair and appreciating its beautiful strands, will remind you of why you fell in love with your curly hair in the first place. Curly hair is unique, like snowflakes, no two curls are the same. Curly hair invites curiosity, "How do you get your hair so big?" Curly hair makes you interesting. One day you're a rock star, the next you're Shirley Temple.

First published November 2009

Beauty Tips Every Woman Should Know

2009-11-01T08:02:00.000-08:00

By: Molly Kukachka

You are mingling at a party and in walks a bombshell in a fitted jacket, the best pair of skinny jeans you have seen, a head full of luscious curls, and a confident laugh that fills the room. You immediately envy the stillettoed goddess. Don't let jealousy ruin your mood. You can learn a lot from this woman and use her tricks (we all know every woman has her own hat of tricks) to improve your look and overall confidence. With minor changes and implementing the following "secrets" you will have the tools to always feel confident and look and your best.

Plan in advance
Making plans early will help you feel more confident in your choices. Allow yourself enough time to get ready. Pick out an outfit and hairstyle in advance. This will save you a lot of time the day or night of. If you are trying a new hairstyle be sure to practice before to assure that you will be happy with the results.

Exercise Is Part Of Confidence
You know you will be going to parties or at least be seen in public at some point. Start preparing now instead of the week before. Shoot for 30 minutes of exercise daily. Chose something you enjoy, a nice walk outside, a run, aerobics with Jane Fonda, but commit to do this every day. Exercise is the easiest way to increase your endorphins (those feel good chemicals your body produces) and feel better about your body which in turn increases your confidence.

Wear Your Favorite Outfit
When you like what you are wearing your confidence level rises. However, there are a few fashion tips you want to keep in mind. Tailored waistlines on dresses or jackets create slimming effects and pencil skirts hide upper leg blemishes and highlight calves. Black is always slimming but spice it up with red accents (scarf, shoes, jewelry). Highlight your best feature to feel extra sexy.

Hair Is Important
Many women overlook the importance of a well coiffed do. This year, to the benefit of all women, volume and curls are in. Try using hot rollers because they are easy to use, quick, and will not damage your hair. They create a loose curl that softens any look. Leave your hair down. If this drives you crazy, use a decorative clip to sweep up a side. If you don't have rollers, use a curling iron to add volume and curls to your tresses.

Confidence With Good Posture
Sometimes your posture will tell others if you are confident or uncomfortable. Folding your arms across your mid section lets everyone know that you are uncomfortable and insecure. To achieve the best posture, tilt your hips forward so your spine is straight, tighten your abs and stretch your torso up. Pull your shoulders back and down. Pull your neck back so it follows the straight line of your back. Let your arms hang at your side, put a hand on one hip or into a pocket. Good posture is the best way to visually drop 10 pounds and appear self-possessed and confident.

The Arsenal Of Beauty Secrets
These are wonderful beauty weapons used by many Hollywood stars. Most women are so good at these "tricks" that the result appears to be natural.

- Slimming Tea & Epsom Salt
If you are in a slam a few days before, drink a diuretic tea after every meal to lose water weight and bathe in 1 - 2 cups of Epsom salt to pull out excess water as well.

- Sunless Tanner
Unless you have Nicole Kidman's brilliantly porcelain skin, a tinted moisturizer or sunless tanner mixed with your favorite moisturizing lotion to dilute it will give you an added glow.

-Bronzer
Although it is not summer, you can still use a bit of bronzer to freshen your look. Chose a lighter shade and lightly dust the area above your cheekbone, and your forehead. If you want to create more cleavage, dust in between your breasts and in a half circle around the tops (be sure to blend well).

-Non Make-up Wearers
You are blessed to have a fresh clean look naturally. For a special event, it is nice to wear a minimal amount of make-up for a more formal look. If you don't wear make-up, mascara and lip-gloss will enhance your look.

-Fake Eyelashes
Fake eyelashes are a great way to widen the eye and create a come-hither look. The packs with sections or individual lashes rather than the full strip are easier to apply and look more natural. Apply them to the outer corner of your eye following the natural lash line. It will add a little length and enhance the look of the eye.

Keep Things In Perspective
Everyone at the party is thinking about themselves. They all have the same concerns. Nobody is scrutinizing you, they are wondering how they look, so relax. Truly engage in the conversation you are having, listen attentively and mingle. When you feel confident, you will look better. Confidence esteems you. Keep your head high and optimism high and you can't fail. If you begin to implement even some of these tips, you are sure to become the "envied" not the envier.

Note: Contact your doctor before trying any recommendations to avoid possible allergies.

First published November 2009

The Metaphorical Path

2009-10-01T08:04:00.000-07:00

By: Laura-Lee Smith

A man named William Shakespeare once wrote, "All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players." While Shakespeare is a throwback to schooldays you may soon want to forget, these are words everyone knows and they often act as a metaphor for the world we live in. According to this metaphor we each have predefined roles to play. We are mothers, daughters, sisters, employees, bosses, wives, and lovers. However, at some point we must ask ourselves, are we merely puppets on a stage acting out roles and following a prewritten script, or do we get to do a little improv?

Our lives are mapped out, our milestones planted in certain points in our lives. By the end of act 1 we are supposed to know what our life goals are and by act 2 we are expected to be working within our careers, married or at the very least in a relationship. There is a vast amount of pressure from society to hit these marks by a certain age. There is even more pressure to achieve and balance these roles, often resulting in feelings of being overwhelmed. Different people expect certain things from us and we expect certain things from ourselves. With so many roles to play within a timeframe not of our own making, our lives may begin to resemble not a play, but a rollercoaster.

Perhaps, Shakespeare is not everyone's cup of tea, but there are countless analogies that compare one's life to an entity we feel we have no control over. Perhaps you've compared your life to an amusement park ride, a well you can't climb out of, a mountain too high to climb or even a path upon which you have lost your way. When we do lose our way, when all the hats become too much to carry, the question becomes, can we change course? Can we get off this ride?

The answer is an emphatic, yes. You know that phrase-the world is your oyster? We often bestow it upon young people graduating from high school or college, but guess what? It's still true. It's always true. It will always be true. We have choices.

Instead of seeing our lives as an entity we cannot control, ruminate upon this well-known metaphor to the life we live- A path. Paths are full of twists, turns, and thorny unmarked points, but where you go is up to you. So, perhaps it is not only the feeling of losing control that eats at us, but the fear of setting down a path that we are unsure of. What we fear is the inertia and momentum of a decision that will take us to a place unknown. Without a doubt, our lives are made up of difficult decisions, highs and lows, missteps and dark places, but it is the people we choose to be during these moments that define us.

Thorns can get hacked through with the right tools, missteps conquered with the armor of a sound mind and self-confidence, and those dark unknown places can have light shed upon them with the right attitude and a large dash of courage. It is all a matter of using yet another metaphor, and digging deep within ourselves to find the will and the strength to make the difficult choices, to brave the unknown with only yourself as a net.

In many ways this metaphorical path is just as scary as any of the others, but any metaphor we choose has an element of the unknown in it. That's because the rest of this play hasn't been written yet. That is your job, but the fear of becoming the screenwriter in your own play is somewhat alleviated when we realize this. No matter what metaphor we choose, what path we take, we can always change direction and it is having the choice that we must cleave to.

First published October 2009

Self Pride Guide: Standing Strong in the Face of Extreme Media Standards

2009-10-01T08:02:00.001-07:00

Series - Article #2
By: Ansa Edim

It seems like whenever you turn on the TV, no matter which channel you click to, someone is pitching a weight loss product, pill, or meal plan. A new "anti-aging" cream is developed every day it seems. Society and the media set impossibly high standards for women. Learn a few simple tricks to help you love and accept your naturally-beautiful self.

Feel Good on the Inside, Look Good on the Outside
Have you ever heard of a woman having a natural glow about her? That smiles are contagious? Can you ever tell someone is happy by just looking at them? Taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally reflects how you appear on the outside and are healthy steps to looking good no matter what. Those who feel tired look tired. The physical appearance is a giveaway of how a person feels on the inside. Happiness and beauty come from within and radiate outwards. As the saying goes, true beauty is on the inside!

Memory Lane
Remember the days when you wore those ripped skinny jeans, three or four sizes ago with a much younger body? Of course you do! We are reminded daily by the media that we don't look like we used to. It's nice to remember way back when but even healthier to remember that the adventure of life takes many twists and turns. Sure, 15 years ago you looked different, but if you learn to truly appreciate the past for what it was, you can learn to appreciate what that past has given you and what the present has to offer.

Confidence is Everything
Many say if a woman is confident, then she is beautiful. This is true. The botoxed, starving young woman on TV that you are comparing yourself to is not happy with herself. This is not true beauty. She is not confident with herself and that is why she feels like she has to compensate for what she thinks she lacks. It is hard enough to be a woman today. Though that woman is struggling, you don't need to. Wish her good luck and good health and continue living confidently as you are.

Love is All You Need
Self-love is a very important component to living a happy life in this world. When you are confident, happy with yourself, and you love yourself you can effectively ignore extreme media standards. Theoretically, if every woman had healthy self-esteem and self-love, we could possibly see a decrease in the media's wide-scale effort to create manufactured people. Don't let lapses in self-love get you to give in to someone telling you that you don't look right. There is no right way to look. Beauty is determined by you and how you feel.

Looks Aren't Everything
Both inside and out, you are a beautiful and intelligent woman. You must truly understand, believe, and accept this. The constant comparison to look or be like other women is unhealthy. Remember that surgeries, meal plans, and other quick fixes will not fix the problem or boost your self-esteem long-term.

Be yourself and love who you are. Stay confident, remember the past, appreciate the present, and look forward to the future. Stand firm and appreciate your age and the journey the years have taken you on. Love yourself and what is naturally and uniquely yours and you will be able to bypass those pesky commercials and misleading, discouraging standards.

First published October 2009

Finally, An Exercise Routine You Can Stick To!

2009-10-01T08:00:00.001-07:00

By: Leontine Armstrong

Typically, it takes a few weeks to turn a discipline into a habit (just make sure it's a good habit). In order to establish a routine there are several important key elements to follow. These key elements are intertwine with different stages that you will go through when you are working towards your ultimate goal. Just a few changes will make all the difference if you stay determined to achieve your goal.

An Encouraging Technique
Encouragement is important not only to help motivate you in whatever achievements you choose to pursue, it also boosts your enthusiasm to continue the great work. Whether you are working hard at losing weight, working out, trying out a new sport, balancing your diet, or any other ambitious goal; encouragement is one element that helps you move forward. Don't undo all the great accomplishments you have already worked so hard to reach. Encourage yourself in anything you do and don't lose hope when you hit a speed bump. We all run into difficult situations and get discouraged at times when we don't immediately see or get the results we were hoping for. When you keep yourself encouraged you will notice your progress and continue to reach your goals.

Letting yourself down won't do any good for you. Encourage yourself to be patient. You should keep reminding yourself that you are working towards a goal and it takes time to reach that goal. Try not to stress about not getting further than you expected. Remind yourself of everything that you have already done and keep encouraging yourself!

Looking for encouragement from friends and family will also boost your confidence in keeping up the great work. Just remember that you can do anything you want but it just takes a little work. Nothing is worth anything if you don't work hard to earn it. Let friends and family know of your goals so that they can support and encourage you.

Setting Reachable Goals
Try setting goals that you want to reach. Set small goals that you know you can meet and then expand upon those. You can do this by creating a schedule so that your routine is set. Let's say you are planning a workout regiment that you want to try. Start by writing down the final goal you want to reach. Next, break it down to the small steps you need to take to reach that big goal. Having small goals to complete before you reach you big goal can keep you on track with your routine.

Pacing yourself is very important so you don't feel overwhelmed when you are doing all of your hard work. You don't need to try to jam in everything at once, doing that will actually discourage you because you'll be thinking too much about the next goal while you haven't accomplished the first goal. Pacing yourself can assist you in making a smooth transition into a routine.

The Importance Of The Setting Stage
Setting your goals realistically is another key element in your daily routine. Let's say you create a schedule for working out it will be easier for you to stick to your schedule if you set a weekly time frame. Creating excuses for why you can't workout such as being tired or too busy will not be a deterrent since you know you need to stick to your schedule. Also, creating goals to meet on a specified timeline will help to remind yourself that you will only get your desired results if you work for them. Keeping a schedule of what you will be doing will help you stay organized and achieve your goals.

Tips: There are several stages that you may go through before you reach your goals so try to break down your goals in fragments. You will become more motivated to continue as you accomplish each goal individually.

Exercise Tip: Everyone's exercise routine is different and you'll figure out what is best for you in due time. Make sure that you are putting safety first as you keep working towards accomplishing your goals.

First published October 2009

What Are You Drinking?

2009-10-01T07:59:00.000-07:00

By: Mehan Dossani

As the weather cools down and it officially becomes fall, take a moment to think about what you are drinking. In the summer, when it's hot and we are sweating, it's often easier to think about drinking water to quench our thirst. As the weather cools we often forget to drink water as our bodies naturally feel cooler and we don't feel the urge to cool it down with a tall glass of water. In drier weather we actually need to be drinking more water, so don't forget to be drinking plenty of this essential nutrient. Yes, water is a nutrient, vital to our health.

H20
Doctors have always agreed on the fact that drinking water is the single most important thing for your body. Water is essential for all functions of your body. Your body requires hydration and drinking water is easy. Drinking water helps keep your energy up, rejuvenates your body, makes you less moody, and improves your skin and your overall health.

Did you know that drinking warm water is actually better for your body than drinking cold water? Warm water helps your body digest food. Many doctors suggest drinking a glass of warm water first thing in the morning, before drinking coffee or eating anything. It actually wakes up your metabolism better than anything else. Add a slice of lemon for added Vitamin C!

Caffeine and Wine
Many of us look to caffeine as a quick source for energy. While there is nothing wrong with enjoying a nice cup of coffee in the morning, just be mindful of just how much caffeine you are consuming. Did you know that caffeine interferes with our bodies' ability to absorb calcium, an absolutely essential nutrient for women? Caffeine is also a diuretic, which means you should be more conscience of how you are balancing your water consumption with your caffeine intake. Coffee provides a quick jolt of energy, but too much coffee with too much sugar means your body will crash just as quickly as it was lifted. This holds true for energy drinks which provide an unhealthy jolt of energy for your body. If you had a glass of wine with dinner drinking water before you go to bed is even more essential as alcohol greatly dehydrates our bodies and hurts our ability to have restful sleep.

Tea
Try more gentle ways of providing your body with some caffeine, such as drinking tea. Green and white teas will provide your body with a more balanced amount of caffeine. Try and stay away from black teas such as Earl Gray as they often have as heavy a dose of caffeine as strong coffee. Green teas are even proven to be packed with antioxidants which work at keeping your body healthy. Drinking herbal teas is also a great way to stay hydrated, and calm your body down after a hectic day. As the weather shifts and we become prone to falling sick, remember to drink tea to sooth a throat that may become sore (and adding honey will taste even better). Keep tea bags in your purse so that no matter where you are you can make yourself a cup. Even if you are traveling, asking for some hot water is easy to do everywhere.

Soda & Juices
While we may want to drink sodas or juices throughout the day, try and stay away from these overly sugary, processed drinks. Just try and stick with water. If you really don't like the idea of not having a glass of juice in the morning then try this trick: pour yourself ¼ glass of cranberry or orange juice and then fill the remaining portion of your glass with plain, sparkling or seltzer water. This will significantly cut back on your sugar intake and increase your water intake. Don't be fooled into thinking diet sodas or diet energy drinks are a good low-cal, guilt-free option. Your body would much rather have a glass of water than a sugar free soda as consuming sugar-substitutes tricks your body into pumping out insulin unnecessarily which is harmful to your health.

How to Drink More Water
Don't feel guilty about purchasing cases of bottled water, as long as you recycle the bottles after using them. Keep a bottle of water everywhere - in your car, at your office, and in purse. If your office has a water cooler, keep a reusable bottle or cups on your desk as a constant reminder to be drinking water (if you are using reusable bottles just make sure to keep them clean by washing them thoroughly). Making small changes like keeping a pitcher of water with a glass next to your bed will make a big difference. We often slip into bed, feeling as though we are a little thirsty, but are too lazy to go all the way to the kitchen. You'll be surprised how often you'll reach for a glass of water before you go to bed, which will help you sleep better and even make you wake up feeling more refreshed.

Drinking water and staying hydrated is easy to do, as long as you are conscience about it. Make drinking water a priority in your life as it will improve your overall well being. Living healthy and feeling good starts with you. Here's a toast for more water, tea and great healthy habits.

First published October 2009

The Self-Pride Guide: 10 Steps to Loving Yourself

2009-09-01T08:05:00.000-07:00

By: Ansa Edim

As a woman, it's particularly important to love yourself. A healthy self esteem is the first step to a successful and happy life. There are many ways to loving yourself, however, you must start today. Ten steps to start your journey include: repeating to yourself that you are beautiful, treating yourself (the healthy way), creating a talent list, spending time with yourself, having a naughty night alone, standing in the mirror and doing your best smile, trusting yourself, becoming your number one fan, and if you need to, talking to someone about your self esteem.

Repetition
Repetition is a powerful learning tool. Everyday take time to say to yourself "I am beautiful". Before long, you will believe it! Let the idea grow in your mind. "I am beautiful. I am beautiful". Let this be your mantra. Write it down if you have to and repeat it out loud if you have to. Believing with everything you have that you are an intelligent, beautiful, strong woman will instill a feeling of self worth deep inside you that no one can take away. Say it again: "I am beautiful".

Treat Yourself
Treat yourself to something you've always wanted. This step can get out of control if you treat yourself with something that is unhealthy or costs you financially so be sure you can afford the treat. Whether it's a new purse, shoes, ice cream or pedicure, try giving yourself a treat once a month. Do this as often as your lifestyle can afford. In other cases, a healthy treat is anything else that you usually don't have time to do for yourself. Get your nails or hair done; go out with your girlfriends for once! Do anything that says "I care about myself, my well being, and my sanity!"

Talents & Achievements
Creating a list of talents and achievements is another great way to realize on paper that you have accomplished a great deal in your life and you are worthy of celebration. This is more than a resume, this is listing everything thing you've done that you are proud of. Go as far back as kindergarten if you want to! When you need a boost, or are feeling unaccomplished, this list is a great way to boost your mood and self esteem.

Me Time
Spend a little time with yourself. Work and family are big stress factors and sometimes you need a minute to just sit and think or sit and not think! On this step, do nothing. Sitting around and watching TV (if you don't do it often) is actually a great way to recharge your batteries. Right before bed, clear a space on the floor, close your eyes and do the simplest and least strenuous of stretches. Let yourself go and think to yourself, you guessed it, "I am beautiful". Spend some time with yourself and enjoy the sound of silence for a few minutes every single day.

Going with the theme of spending time alone to reflect, have a naughty night alone. Go lingerie shopping. No matter your size you are, a sexy new bra can remind anyone that they are a beautiful being. Take a long shower (or bubble bath!) and relax to some music. Most women have so little time to stop and think, so relax! Use this time to close your eyes and enjoy the sound of the water. Then get out of the shower and put on your new underwear (or new clothes if you opted for a new slinky top or cute jeans). Enjoy some fruit and a good movie or just relax and read. Whatever you do during this time, just keep in mind how wonderful you look and feel tonight.

The (Wo)Man Mirror
Take a look in the mirror and what do you see? You see a beautiful woman starting back at you! Give that woman the gift of your smile. Here is the trick: act as if no one is looking and your natural smile will come out and it will shock you as to how beautiful you truly are. Let your real beauty shine so that you can appreciate and see yourself as others do - a beautiful, smart woman with a smile that lights up a room.

Trust Yourself
Your instinct is your best tool and defense against a low self esteem. Always remember that you have the final word on your self esteem. Believing in yourself is always on your path to loving yourself. Be strong in everything you think and believe and beauty, confidence, and self esteem will shine brightly.

It's The Little Things That Matter
Try to enjoy the little things. Do you snort when you laugh? Do you have a gap in your teeth? Love what others might call your imperfections. You are beautiful and unique. Loving these parts of yourself opens the door for others to love them too, thus boosting your self esteem. Doubting yourself makes it easier for others to put you down, and for you to believe them. Make sure that you alone have the last laugh concerning you. When you exude self-confidence, it reflects what's on the inside.

Who's Your Number One Fan?
Become your number one fan. It is extremely important to be your own number one fan. No one should cheer harder for you than you! Some of us fall to a great dependence on others to cheer for us. While love and support from others is supremely important, nothing comes before love and support for yourself.

Lean On Me
If you are really having trouble following the first nine steps, try talking to someone. When you just can't seem to convince yourself that you are beautiful and worthy of love, talk to a friend, family member, spouse - anyone you trust or a therapist. Your loved one can lift your self-esteem by confirming what's hard for you to believe. Let them in on your mantra. Trust your loved ones to repeat it to you just at the right moment. If you need to speak with a therapist, don't be afraid to. They are there to assist you.

Following these steps will put you on the path to loving yourself. No matter what, love yourself and trust yourself to make the right decisions. You are a beautiful, smart and wonderful human being. Love yourself completely just as you are and remember: "You are beautiful!!"

First published September 2009

Eating Well Is Simple

2009-09-01T07:50:00.000-07:00

By: Mehan Dossani

We all have those days. We're in a race against the clock and we don't slow down until we slip into bed, only to wake up and do it all over again. Often those days include a fog of unsatisfying snacks and unhealthy food that was fast and cheap. Our priority becomes simply getting everything done and what we put into our bodies takes a backseat. It's those days that we are truly doing ourselves a disservice and our actions are doing us harm: what we put into our bodies has both short term and long term effects. While it seems there simply isn't enough time to eat healthy all it takes is a simple and straightforward plan to be successful. As the saying goes, you are what you eat, and therefore it's essential to ensure you are eating healthy. Eating well means you feel better, you have more energy and when you are proud of what you have put into your body your confidence shines through. Once healthy eating becomes part of your routine you'll forget the days when you thought you didn't have time to eat well. It soon will become easy to ensure loved ones in your life that look to you for guidance are also eating well. So as summer comes to a close, schools reopen and your days grow busier, take a few minutes over the weekend to plan ahead. It's simple and well worth the time.

Fruits and Vegetables
Browse the grocery store inserts to see what seasonal fruits, vegetables, and lean proteins are on sale. Sign up on online for additional grocery store coupons and to receive emails on what fresh foods are on sale that week. Spend some time each Sunday prepping ahead, washing and cutting vegetables for use throughout the week. Pack your lunch the evening before so you don't risk the lack of motivation a sleepy morning can bring.

Morning and Breakfast
Always make time to have something for breakfast. If you run out the door on an empty stomach you will find yourself making an impulse decision later in the morning. Start off your day by making good decisions with what you eat. Yogurt, fruit and oatmeal are great options for the morning.

The Magic of Tupperware
Try and bring Tupperware containers of salads to work or to school. Fresh vegetables keep extremely well mixed with orzo and cous cous. Both these pastas can be found at any grocery store and simply need to be boiled with water. They can be kept for several days in the fridge and can be seasoned with salt and pepper and tossed with fresh vegetables such as cooked eggplant, peas, chopped bell peppers, spinach and arugula. Instead of buying precut fruit, buy whole fruits and cut them up yourself and store in tupperwares. It only takes a few minutes. They will taste better and your dollar will go much further. Buy baby carrots for an easy vegetable to transport and snack on. Edamame (soybeans) also makes an incredible snack or side dish. Toss boiled, shelled edamame with some peas and goat cheese and a spoon of mustard for a wonderful side dish.

Snacks
Sometimes our days are so busy we don't even realize we are hungry until we hear our stomachs growl. Snacking is fine, as long as we are snacking on healthy food and food without processed sugars. Snacks high in fiber will keep you full longer. Keep snacks everywhere so you are always prepared and never need to make a beeline toward a vending machine and run through a drive through. Keep snacks in your car, in your purse and in your office. Keep a bowl of fruit such as bananas and apples not in your kitchen but on a table by your front door so you never forget to grab some fruit as you head out. Buy granola bars high in fiber with natural sweetness from dried fruits to sustain your energy. Keep ziplock bags of power nuts such as almonds. If you get salty cravings store ziplock bags of pretzels or rice cakes. Dark chocolate makes a great healthy treat and will satisfy your cravings more than milk chocolate.

H20
Always stay hydrated as drinking lots of water throughout the day will keep your energy up and make you more alert. Water helps your body flush out toxins that slow you down. We all have moody days where the slightest inconvenience brings out our irritability. Did you know that being hydrated has actually been shown to improve your mood? And an added benefit is that drinking plenty of water keeps you feeling less bloated and makes your skin look better! Try and avoid a large afternoon jolt of caffeine and instead drink some herbal tea to provide a nice balance.

You can start making healthier decisions with what you eat now. If you plan ahead, your fridge can be full of healthy options and you won't be tempted to order take out or eat fast food. When you eat well, you feel better and more confident. Show the world the best version of yourself: a healthy and happy one.

First published September 2009

Fall In Love With Fall Sports

2009-09-01T07:40:00.000-07:00

By: Leontine Armstrong

Being outdoors is good for your body and your mind. You can think clearer when you feel good both physically and mentally. The fresh air and the beautiful sights will stay with you forever. As summer comes to a close and we all go back to work or school, remember that keeping yourself healthy is going to get you through the day and it keeps you going well into the night. There are many activities you can do that are more convenient than you think during the fall season. There are countless opportunities for outdoor sports in the fall.

Hiking
You can go somewhere beautiful on a day hike which takes a minimal amount of packing and planning--it's easy. First, simply go onto the internet and search for your closest hiking trail. You might be surprised to find that hiking trails are actually everywhere! If a trail isn't your level yet, go ahead and just walk around your neighborhood with friends or family. There are many different levels for beginners all the way up to advanced. There is a wide variety of trail levels, so be sure to pick a trail that suits your skill level. Be careful not to make your first hike a hard one because you don't want to discourage yourself. The key to starting easy is so that you can work your way up to the more difficult levels. If you're thinking of getting back into shape or you just want to go on an adventure, hiking would be great for you. Also, be aware that there is less oxygen the higher you go in altitude and you should take breaks as you go so as not to hyperventilate or suffer from hypoxia.

What to bring on your Hike:
Hiking will wear you out if you aren't used to it so it is important that you have the right equipment. Water is necessary for any activity and you should bring plenty of it on your hike. Snacks and a lunch should be brought since you will be using energy and burning calories. These are essentially a must since you will be using energy and burning calories so replenishing your system will keep you going. Snacks such as granola bars, trail mix, apples, sandwiches and any other non perishable food items will be perfect. Some equipment you should have is: hiking boots (or for a quick substitute, tennis shoes), a first aid kit, insect repellent, sunscreen, sunglasses, camera and film, personal items and clothing. The type of clothing you want should be breathable and warm in case of any change in the weather that may occur during your hike. Checking the weather before you plan to go on your hike will help you bring appropriate clothing. An article of clothing you shouldn't wear or bring is jeans because they are heavy and if they get wet they will weigh you down while at the same time taking a long time to dry.

Kayaking
Another fun outdoor activity you can choose to try this fall is kayaking. It is still warm enough to go into the water and if you want you can wear a wetsuit. Normally you might think it isn't safe and it won't be fun. However, once you try it you'll want to do it again and again. Renting kayaks and taking lessons will benefit you in more ways than one. You actually use your whole body when you kayak. Your lower body is keeping the kayak balanced while your upper body is rowing the paddles in the water. There are different types of kayaking you can do. Start off easy by kayaking in a lake and then you can move onto ocean, sea or river kayaking. It is very fun and will give you an experience you will treasure forever.

What to bring on your Kayaking trip:
You will need a life preserver, water, snacks, sunscreen, sunglasses, camera and film, a wetsuit and other personal items you wish to bring. Being prepared with zip lock bags to protect your items will keep them from getting wet in case you fall into the water.

Mountain Biking
A really interesting and challenging outdoor activity you can try is mountain biking. It's just as much fun as you could imagine. You can go on outings with friends and family who might enjoy this experience with you. Mountain biking will put your endurance to the test and push you farther every time you step on that pedal. Mountain biking is fun because you can coast or pedal fast depending on what kind of terrain you are on. This activity is fun because your body is centered on your bike and your legs will be propelling you further as your trail goes on.

What to bring on your Mountain Biking trip:
Having a helmet and other protective gear such as knee and elbow pads will help to reduce the risk of you injuring yourself. Safety is important to remember and practice in anything that you do. With mountain biking you will be working your body extra hard and you will want to bring snacks, water and other necessary items such as a first aid kit, sunscreen and sunglasses.

Snowboarding
As the winter months roll on in you can try snowboarding. It is a very fun and challenging sport. Many people get discouraged if they can't stand up immediately and be an amazing snowboarder like the pros. Please don't discourage yourself. Life is all about learning new things and trying them out. So, if you like the snow and you want to try a winter sport you will love snowboarding. With snowboarding you will be working your entire body. It gets easier the more you do it and its worth trying at least once.

What you need for Snowboarding:
The gear you will need is simple and easily found at stores that carry outdoor equipment. Gear that should be used and is not limited to: snowboarding pants, snowboarding jacket, warm long sleeve shirt, water proof gloves, warm socks, beanie, snowboarding boots and snowboard. Be prepared to fall in the snow and get wet. Bringing extra warm dry clothes for later would be a good idea.

No matter what activity you chose to do it is a good idea to alternate weeks and activities so that you don't get burnt out trying a new sport you aren't used to. Trying a new activity can help you enjoy exercising and working out. Different sports target different muscles in the body. Remember that when you are trying something new you might get discouraged if you aren't great at it immediately, however don't give up. If you enjoy it stick to it.

These activities give you a chance to enjoy nature while shaping your body and mind. Once you find a fall/winter outdoor activity that you enjoy, fall and winter seasons will be full of fun. You never know what sport you will love until you try it. Every experience opens another door to new inspirations and adventures. Don't let them pass you up.

Tip: If you enjoy any one of these activities listed above you may also enjoy the following: rock climbing, snorkeling, surfing, skiing or wake boarding.

Note: An important concern when you are doing these activities is to never do them alone. You should always have at least one other person with you so that if anything happens to one of you the other can be ready to assist whether you are in the middle of nowhere or right down the street from a phone.

First published September 2009

Turn Your Bad Days Into Good Days

2009-08-01T08:05:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that when you are not feeling your best emotionally you tend to have a bad day entirely. We all face challenges on a daily bases. From the mean boss at work, the co-worker who expects you to do all the work, the husband, roommate or significant other who doesn't do the dishes, the child that's rebellious, to the long agonizing drives home. Our days are busy, overwhelming and sometimes horrible.

If you let a bad situation effect you, you may find yourself not feeling energetic in accomplishing your tasks, your ideas may seem not worth any attention, you may become shy and not expressive, you may crush building blocks to heighten you career, or feel aggravated or distressed.

Controlling your thoughts, emotions, and actions can profoundly change the outcome of your day. The keys to turning any frown upside down is not to focus on the negatives but the positives.

During these long hours while you may be at work or doing any other activity you've scheduled in your day, you have full control of what you do through out the day. Always keep in mind that you have full control of your thoughts, emotions, and actions. You will be the one making thought-provoking and emotional decisions (leading to actions) that will not only affect the rest of your day but perhaps the next day, week, month or even the next year(s).

Speak Up
Don't be afraid to say what you think and how you are feel. However, don't speak your mind the second you get angry or hurt. Think things through so you don't say something you might regret.

Smile
Smiling can really change a frowning day into a smiling day (it's contagious too. You might just make someone else's day. :)

Be Patient & Understanding
People make mistakes and sometimes you may be offended, but don't be. Remember, you control your thoughts and emotions. Also, be willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. They may be having a bad day and don't know any other way (or the proper way) of dealing with their thoughts and emotions. Also be sympathetic, lending a hand to assist others (if you can) but don't let anyone take advantage of you.

Forgive
Forgiveness can heal you more then the person who wronged you. You will feel a sense of peace. Who wants to be miserable because of someone's actions. Don't hold a grudge.

Relax
Worrying will only stress you out. So, just relax. A great way to overcome tension and relax is to hum. Hum your favorite song. Humming helps to relax the mind, ease tension, warm your body and can really put you in a good mood. No matter how trying the day might be, take it easy.

Do Your Best
Once you know you have done all you can, be happy with your progress. Don't put emphasis on "what you could have done".

Even if you feel as if though your day started out bad that doesn't mean that it has to end that way. Find a way to change your view by trying any of the above. Decide now not to let anything effect your good day, regardless of the situation.

What is your opinion on this article?

Beginners Class 101

2009-08-01T08:03:00.000-07:00

We don't know it all but some of us would like to believe that we do. One way to officially put a stamp on the "we don't know it all" theory is by taking a class. Any class. Whether you're interested in studying sewing, playing an instrument or learning karate; taking a class can be a great way to fill your life with new found joys.

Taking a course can be very rewarding in many other ways.

1. A great way to stimulate your mind. Never let your mind idle. Learning keeps your mind healthy. Plus, it makes you feel good about yourself

2. Mental growth and maturity. It's exercise for your brain. Your brain is eager for knowledge. Furthermore, you can help prevent so many brain related disease by just continuing the process of learning.

3. You have the opportunity to engage in life long education. Educate yourself in any and every field. Don't take any learning experience for granted (even if you are not that interested in the topic or subject).

4. You have the ability to fully concentrate on a subject that is of interest to YOU. Make the course all about you. It's what you want to learn or what you desire to improve on.

5. You feel a sense of freedom. To escape from your many obligation that absorbs your life, focusing on a subject that truly interests you can be very therapeutic.

6. As a student you are able to have a different view and appreciation for what you are learning. Instead of being the teacher (dedicated to all of those who are parents) you can be the student.

7. Not only will you be amazed at what you learn and how much you retain. You also will have acquired another set of useful skills that you can brag about, use to advance your career, you can find valuable in raising your children, use in assisting others around you, or simply a great way to spark conversations. The possibilities after acquiring new knowledge is endless.

Hum, isn't learning so much fun. It bring a new breeze your way when you take the time to concentrate on making it matter in your life.

Tip: Whatever you decide to study stick to your budget. The last thing you want is to learn something new and also learn how much less you have in your bank account.

What is your opinion on this article?

Live The Happy Life You Want Today!

2009-07-01T08:10:00.000-07:00

Some of us have everything that we can dream of while others may still be waiting, hoping or actually pursuing life goals. Whether you are striving for improvement or have already achieved all your goals, we all have something in common, and that is the right to be happy just as we are. Find ways to be happy just the way things are today.

Take Charge Of Your Life
No matter what happens in your life it is up to you to determine how it will affect you. Find happiness even in trials. No matter what happens, happiness can be yours by the way you live on a day to day basis.

Don't Rely Totally On Something Or Someone
Never rely on someone else to bring you happiness. Happiness is yours today. If you wait for others to bring your happiness you may never truly be happy.

Live Life To The Fullest
Learn to live with a sense of fulfillment. Be fulfilled in who you are. Feel complete even if you feel you are lacking something. Start to see yourself a s a complete individual. Know that nothing is impossible. You can do what ever you want. Pursue your goals fully without any doubts.

Be A Happy You
Remember that just being you will give you the happiness to do and to act. You are blessed with so many talents and gifts. Be happy for being you. Be happy for all that you have and all that you have to offer others.

Gain The Courage To Overcome All
Learn to move on with your life. Don't confine yourself in a state of unhappiness. Once you have gone through a situation learn from it and move forward. Although, it may take sometime to over come certain obstacles, yet your goal should always be to deal with the situation, learn from it and move forward to a brighter future.

Remain Positive
No matter where we may be in our own progression we all face obstacles, challenges, and trials. Learning to remain positive and optimistic is crucial. In the end, being happy just the way things are is the ultimate success anyone can posses in life.

Make A Commitment To Be Happy
Although challenges will come you can still commit to happiness. Preparing for challenges will help you know that there will be hard times ahead but they will eventually come to an end. Be ready to face your trials and challenges with the faith to overcome.

Tips: Focus on what brings you happiness. Read other Esteem Yourself articles for more information on how to implement right strategies to being happy today.

Read more articles on living happy today below:
Trials Of Happiness
Turn Bad Days Into Good

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Goals Accomplished In An Hour

2009-07-01T08:03:00.000-07:00

Setting short term goals is a bridge to accomplish long term success. Although some goals may be set specifically for long term there are some goals that can be done in a month, a day, or even an hour if you determine to work hard to achieve those goals.

Goals Stay While Time Flies
It's amazing how much time we have on our hands yet time flies so quickly, and the only answer we can give for not accomplishing minor goals we set is that we didn't have enough time. If you can just take one hour in your day or even one hour in your week you can accomplish some of the goals you have set for yourself.

Scrapbooking Example
Scrapbooking can be tedious work. Between layers, graphics, stickers, notes, and picking out the best pictures, you realize that you have a lot of work to do. However, if done in increment amount of time, an hour for example, you can accomplish full lavish albums for every child, sibling and friend. You can arrange pictures for one of your photo albums or even the entire family photo album. The album can be organized and labeled with several pictures laid out, all in increments of hours. You can accomplish a milestone of work that you have set out for yourself within that one hour.

Small Goals Done On Time - The Challenge
We all have those goals that we have put aside to accomplish another day but never get to them. A goal to do one thing or another but we tend to slip and push it to the side to be accomplished later. We challenge you to take an hour a day or even an hour a week the set goal that you have so desired to accomplish. In time you will have accomplish the goal and find many new ways to accomplish more time stretched goals.

Long Term Goals Turn Short
If you continue to use the one hour increment strategy you will develop the habit to accomplish more long term goals in increments of hours. Although it may take you several hours to accomplish some goals, setting a time line of an hour a day or an hour a week to work on that goal will pay off. You will eventually see the results of your efforts as time goes by.

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I Love Me Right Now!

2009-06-01T08:10:00.000-07:00

We sometimes depend so much on how others see us or what others say about us in order to determine who we are or interpret the way we feel about ourselves. You will find that deciding to listen to what others are saying in order to define yourself can be exhausting, results in a negative outcome and destructive to yourself esteem and confidence. Finding who you are should solely depend on you rather then what others may say or think.

Telling people who you are by being just as you are. Loving yourself today starts with you telling the world, "This is me. Take me as I am!".

Appreciate Yourself
Appreciate yourself completely. This includes appreciating your trails and errors. Love yourself just as you are. You have a divine role as a woman. You are a beautiful strong woman. You have been blessed with many talents and gifts. You are a unique individual with so much to give. Love the woman you are today. Be confident in yourself and find ways to express yourself and share you gifts.

Laugh At Yourself
When you think back to something that you did that was embarrassing do you tend to punish yourself? Remember that we all make embarrassing mistakes. We all fall hard at times. It's fine to laugh at yourself, learning is wonderful and embracing your life completely is amazing. Laugh is a great away to let go of issues and problems. It can also be a healing process. Don't take yourself so seriously. Make time to laugh at your struggles and the things that have you have grown from. Enjoy yourself, including the clumsy you.

Comfort Yourself
When your struggling or going through hard times you can learn to encourage yourself of a better tomorrow. Learn to embrace yourself and find power within. Letting other comfort you can work wonders, however, giving yourself a reassurance that it things will work out can really strengthen your esteem and give you power and strength.

Do It Yourself
Don't expect others to do things for you. Be in charge and in control of what happens around you. Take initiative. Take control. Learn to do thing on your own and be empowered buy having the skills to get thing accomplished. Be assertive. Take charge of today and live your better tomorrow.

Back Pat Yourself
When you accomplish or achieve something that you have worked hard for give yourself a big pat on the back. You are a hard worker and you deserve to enjoy success. Go out with a close friend(s) and celebrate your achievements.

Stand for Yourself
When someone is right about something learn to take correction and build yourself. We are all learning each day. Learn to better yourself. However, always stand for your self in dignity. Be firm in who you are and what makes you a strong woman. Don't let others push your around. Stand for what you believe in and what you believe to be right. Don't let anyone else other then yourself determine who you are, who you should be or what you do. You are the only one that can make yourself happy and can keep yourself happy. Be free to choose what you want in your life. No matter what you choose make choices that will lead you to a better future and a better you. Don't settle for less.

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What Makes You Who You Are?

2009-06-01T08:02:00.000-07:00

No matter what the circumstances may be, knowing who you are, what you want and what will make you happy is most important. Learning ways to consider yourself in ever situation can help you boost your esteem. Listed below are ways that can assist you in building a more confident you.

Trust Your Instincts
Many times we may ignore what we feel and latter wish we had not. Being in tune with how we feel can assist us in making better decisions. Do not be afraid to trust your instincts.

Fully Appreciate Yourself
Look at your many gifts, talents, skills, and abilities and fully appreciate who you are. You are made to be you and you are unique.

New Ideas
Before you decide to say no to a new adventure or a new task. Think about it. When you take the challenge you gain experience and education. So broaden your horizon and add another accomplishment unto your list of many.

Respect Others
To gain respect from others you have to give respect. Respecting others is a very important step to fully being the best person you can be. You will feel a sense of self-worth and love for others.

Defuse Anger
Don't spend time on the things that make you feel anger, disappointment or frustrated. Look to happy and cheerful moments.

Have No Regrets
We are all here to learn. Evaluate your experiences and be grateful for the experience that you can share with others. Know your desires and don't let go of your dreams. Live your life to the fullest.

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Your Beauty. Your Power. Your Soul.

2009-05-01T14:19:00.000-07:00

Do you know your beauty? Have you embraced your power? As women we are so divine yet we take our beauty, power and soul for granted. Below are three questions that every woman should ask themselves. Esteem yourself today by fully embracing your beauty, your power, and your soul.

Your Beauty
You are a woman who is unique in so many ways. Your beauty and your elegance is yours truly. Through your talents,your personal style, you can share your beauty with the world. What makes you beautiful?

Your Power
The power of a woman is clearly misrepresented many times in our society. Women are the backbone of our society. We make the world thrive. It is because of women that families are sustained and love grows. Be proud to be a woman and celebrate your womanhood.

Your Soul
The soul of a woman is full of love, mercy, patience, and kindness. Our tender love and constant nature to share our love with those around us makes us the great women we are. As you share your beautiful powerful nature, make sure to share it with the person that needs it the most. Yourself.

Take sometime to make a list of what makes you the amazing woman
you are.

Your Beauty. Your Power. Your Soul.
Questionnaire

Do you know your beauty?
What makes you beautiful?

Have you embraced your power?
What empowers you as a woman?

How can you show yourself how beautiful and powerful you are?
What have you done to appreciate yourself?

Print out your own Your Beauty. Your Power Your Soul chart
questioner click here.

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